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169,799 I'm 26 and started my second "real job" about 4 months ago. My first real job was great it just wasn't in the best location. And my job now is ok, a step back in responsibility or a lateral move at best, but it's ok. It's just all so horribly boring and soul-sucking. How do I handle the crushing disappointment that is work? Why can't we resort to a more primitive occupation choosing strategy; where the guy who like to care for the sick and was observant got to be the village doctor? Or the lady who loves to sew becomes the tailor? Why did I go to graduate school only to be an administrative assistant with tons of debt? Every day I see my talents wasted and people who aren't capable of being a higher up promoted. What the fuck is this? How am I supposed to work for forty years knowing I hate most days of it just to retire and be too old/sick/tied down to do what I've worked my ass off to be able to do?

How can I not be a paper pusher and instead travel the world, meet new people, share cross-cultural experiences and feel alive when my significant other is a fucking farmer? If there's any occupation that relies on stability and staying it the same spot it's farming land.



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169,798 I think many women would agree when I say that there is nothing sexier and more appealing than a ONE WOMAN MAN.

Players, no matter what they look like, how much game they have or power or money, all look sleezy and UNCLEAN.  



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169,797 Please can we talk again tomorrow. Your voice is comforting. It gives me hope.



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169,796 I guess I'm a sex addict.  i find the thrill in fucking new women. then the excitement leaves me after a couple months. then i need to find a new one.
even really ugly nasty women can turn me on at first,,,then i run.



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169,795 My husband never wears his wedding ring. He says it's uncomfortable on his finger. Hmm.



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169,794 Something I don't miss as a person living in a 2010's: talking on the telephone. I see you guys in cars talking to their spouses and I think oh my god that could be me. Can I get you a bonnet and a Buggywhip to go with that phone call?



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169,793 Yes darling, it's a big conspiracy...  We are all doing what we are doing just to make sure you get pissed off at us for not meeting your expectations.

And I really wanted you to get mad so you wouldn't show me any affection last night. Yup.



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169,792 My previous lover (male) was into intense orgasm denial.  He would tie me securely, hands to the headboard and legs wide open, and play for hours.  He'd spend hours torturing my breasts.  Starting gently, he'd work me up until the pain was almost unbearable.  Pinching and twisting them and flicking the tips.  This got me so wet and made my clit throb.  He'd put clamps on my nipples and spank my tits and the insides of my thighs until I cried.

Then, he'd leave me there, panting, to calm down.  He'd come back and do it again.  Then, he'd fuck me.  To keep me from having an orgasm, he'd tug at the nipple clamps and flick my clit really hard.  The pain and pleasure together was delicious.  He never let me come.  He told me he wanted me wet and ready for him.

Every so often, he'd tie my ankles and my knees far apart and tie my hands extra-secure.  He'd play with me, for hours, until I was desperate with desire.  Then he'd sink deep into me and not move.  He'd tell me to make him come.  I would clench around him and grind while he would hurt my tits and flick at my clit.  If I could make him come without him needing to thrust, he would lay down between my double-tied legs and suck my clit.

He would make me come, over and over, until I was crying and hysterical and begging him to stop.  He kept my nipples sore and responsive, too.  

I was forbidden to masturbate and he would enforce this by using the clamps on my clit if I disobeyed.  The pain of that was outrageous, but I loved it, too.

Never once in the entire course of this relationship did he ever allow me to come as would happen during 'normal' sex.  He was either forcing me to come repeatedly or denying me.  It was wonderful and the most erotic time of my life.  

My secret?  I want this again.  So bad.  But I've never found anyone else who likes this kink.  I can only hope I'm not doomed to a life of 'normal' sex, but I'm beginning to fear I am.



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169,791 169784   Beautiful story. Thank you for sharing. There is a thread that binds. I found it, as have you. See you in heaven my friend.



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169,790 Revenge? Nah..I'm too lazy. I'm just going to sit here and watch karma fuck you up.



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169,789 in regards to 169786 I feel ya and am still reeling from what a certain twisted individual put me through years ago. Not sure if my trust issues will ever be fully resolved.  There were things I found out about after the fact which completely changed the way I saw the world.  
  I hope everything they did to me comes back to them 1000 fold.  No forgiveness for those who are not the least bit remorseful.
Every day I have to forgive myself for allowing it to happen.  I blame myself for like you said, it is the nature of the beast for them to feed on the innocent.
Vampires do exist.



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169,788 My friend died the other day while mowing his lawn. Heart attack. He wasn't that old. He's my age. Now what am I supposed to do with that information? How can I mow my lawn without being scared? Is this what aging means? Fear after fear until I too finally die. This is terrible.



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169,787 I was 16 when I first had sex with a girl. She was also 16. It was the first time I ever ejaculated in my life. Contrary to what people say that everybody does it, I had never figured out masturbation. I had never once touched myself.

So at 16 when I found myself with this girl, she did most of the "driving". She got on top and started bouncing up and down. I didn't know what was about to happen. All I knew was it felt better than anything I've ever experienced.  I was overwhelmed with pleasure.

After like only a minute I didn't even know I was coming.  I was in her pussy and the pleasure reached an all time high. But I didn't realize semen was shooting out of me. She didn't either. It took her another 20 seconds or so. She looked down and saw white cream oozing on the sides of my cock.  She literally screamed. She was like, "You didn't come in me did you? DID YOU?" She was really mad.

That was my first sex encounter. It could have ended better.



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169,786 Tonight was the last night I will ever let you poison my thoughts.

It's been a year.  Leave.me.alone.

I don't want to get sucked back into your twisted toxicity under the guise of "let's be friends and I can't survive without you"

I have survived.  No FLOURISHED without you and continue to do so.

You are a sociopath, I've read enough about it and wrote about it while we were in the relationship.  Researched it for weeks...no months on end trying to find answers.

How did I survive??  You emotionally took me to the brink of insanity.  Your emails (and many of the previous ones) are carbon copies of other people who deal with your kind.  Examples are all over the internet.  It's unreal. Un-fucking-real.

7 years of that madness was enough thank you very much.

I never should have responded to that "innocent" email.

I will not let you suck emotions or responses from me you vampire... ever, EVER again.

I'm mad at myself for letting you take up any headspace.

I just needed to vent anonymously, as much as I wanted to stoop to your level and blast you back.

I didn't and you will never, ever hear from me again.

Whew, that felt good to get out :)



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169,785 I'm numb to seeing rats run across my bedroom floor. I need to get the hell out of here.



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169,784 Ten years ago today, Mrs K died. Mrs K fostered me for 8 months when i was 14. I was fostered by 13 people or families from the time Social Services removed me from my home when I was 10 because my Mom was a drunk and a druggie. The other 12 foster homes, well i was a paycheck for them, nothing else. But Mrs K was such a great person. She was in her late 60's when i got there. She showed my kindness and real caring. And boy could she cook! I couldn't wait to come home from school to eat  when i was there. She also talked to me about the bad hand i had been dealt in life and that i should not dwell on it or use it as an excuse to repeat my family's mistakes. She told me i should join the Marines after high school to give me structure and maturity and to stay off the streets. I was a rough kid by that time, too many fights to count and very cynical. I was a time bomb. But those 8 months in her house made me believe i could leave my past behind me and make a good life for myself.

After the 7th month, Mrs K's grown daughters who lived across the country came to visit her on her 68 th birthday and were shocked to see me. I had a growth spurt that year and stood six feet tall at 14. They knew she was fostering because she was lonely after her husband passed away, but she told them she was only watching little kids for a few days to a couple of weeks until they could be placed in more permanent homes. I heard alot of hushed discussions that week so it was no surprise when i came back from school a few days later to see a social services car in the driveway. Mrs K was so upset when the caseworker told me i had to go because i was never supposed to be placed with Mrs K and that the caseworker who did put me in Mrs K's home was fired for doing so. One of Mrs K's daughters had called to complain and raised a fuss. I grabbed my duffel bag and packed and was out of there in 5 minutes..i had alot of practice packing!

I was put in a group home in a bad neighborhood until i turned 18. But the school was pretty good and i met a good friend there and we both joined the Marines when we turned 18. Mrs K was right, they whipped my ass into shape and knocked that attitude right out of me! Today i have two great high school aged kids, a nice home and a married a great kady that i met in the service. None of this would have happened if i didnt get those 8 months with Mrs K. I did visit her once after i left the military after 7 years to thank her and it just happened to be meatloaf night! She taught my wife how to make it and everytime we have it for dinner, we say a toast to Mrs K. An angel in life and i have no doubt in the afterlife too.



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169,783 Something shifted in me today.



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169,782 How do you deal with anxiety,hipochondria,paranoia....



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169,781 No one to vote for. Do you really believe that is an accident?



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169,780 I will just hurt him too.



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169,779 I wish it ould have been me that died



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169,778 One good part about getting old--

I used to hate watching movies I've seen before. How could I watch them, I already knew what was going to happen.

But these days, no problem. I can watch a movie and a month later I no longer remember the plot.  Suddenly all my old movies are new again. Yay for being old.



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169,777 Does anyone really care for the candidates on either side? Maybe it's just me, but when they all talk, I just hear Charlie Brown, wa wa wa wa wa.



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169,776 How can you tell when guys are good friends? They share pictures with each other. Pictures of their wife/girlfriend. Nude or topless pics of her. Sometimes videos too. I'm not sure how my lady would react to know I have two such friends. (Ex:#169186)



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169,775 Ok, I admit. I tried a craigslist ho. A few months ago. She is 24, country girl,  petite and cute as a button. First time together we had some crazy connection. It was like making love. And damn if she didn't look me in the eyes as we rocked and said "I love you." At that precise moment I was about to say the same thing to her.

It was such a  hot  experience together she wouldn't take the money (which verified to me she was new as the money is always collected up front).

It turns out I was her first customer ever. She was married in a sexless marriage and her husband had pushed her to hook to support both their heroin addictions. Crazy thing is neither one of us used craigslist until then. I needed laid, she needed cash.  I was her first customer and she was my first ho. And we had first time incredible, wet, sloppy, moaning and squirting 3-hole sex.

If that experience didn't happen to me for real I wouldn't  believe it, as if the story  was some fiction in a romance novel. But it was real and so  awesome that as I write this I get hard thinking about it.

Oh, and she left behind her lacy pink panties.

M/60     Nothing old or dirty about it



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169,774 This is no secret. But Carly Fiorina to my eyes is hard to look at. I could not vote for her simply for the fact I could not stand looking at her for the next four years. Trump is an ass but he may have a point about her.



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169,773 Not tired of sex. Just tired of sex with you.



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169,772 Tired of sex? Hell to the no! That story by the asian girl made me shoot a load on the monitor!



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169,771 My heart gurgles. That's not a metaphor. My heart makes odd beats and a sloshing sound. The doctors say it will kill me one day. It will cause a blood clot. They want me to take a med that will stop my blood from clotting, but they said that could cause a stroke. Oh great. Basically I sit here all day worrying about suddenly dying.



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169,770 I never check my voicemail. There is no way I'll ever be able to pay my student loans back.



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169,769 I think many parents get it wrong. Each and every family is given a gift of free public education for grades K-12. It's worth $200,000. And what do most parents do with this opportunity? They throw it away. They can't be bothered to  be the educational co-pilot and sit down with their kids to read or do homework. Instead, parents plop the kids in front of the TV. Or get them involved in sports so the parents can talk to friends on the sidelines. School to parents is all about a social opportunity for themselves. It has little to do with making their kid smarter.  

I find only 1 out 100 parents gets it and encourage their child to do well in school. These are the kids who succeed in life. All other parents let their kids down.



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169,768 I use to have daily regrets when I was raising my youngest. I'd say something mean, or react out of anger and instantly regret it. I realized that I needed to calm down and be more patient in general. I think I was also being a little hard on myself. Parenting can be very trying. The most important thing is to always be there for my kids. Being there, and being present for them every day is what really counts. There was a point in my life where I could have left the country and left my family behind. It wasn't something I would have actually done, but it's impossible to fathom how much I would have missed out on by abandoning my post as a parent. I just can't imagine anything more important. I know there are people who would have left to find fulfillment following some other dream, but they really should finish what they started, or don't chose to be a parent in the first place. That's fine for some, but I just can't imagine it. I'm sorry, but it does
seem incredibly selfish.



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169,767 It's the little things, like the way your spit rolls down my cock when you're trying to take the whole thing in your mouth...I love you, hope you call soon.



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169,766 I worry everyday that I am the worst mother my children can have.

I don't beat them, I love them to pieces, I do everything I can for them...

But, it's little things that happen... and I wonder... I feel sorry for them.  I feel sorry that they have me for a mother.



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169,765 Aren't we all tired of sex? Can't we move on to something more interesting. What if we all read a book?



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169,764 You'd think I'd be embarrassed about me not working and my wife being our only means of support. But nope, I'm dealing with it just fine.



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169,763 I sometimes feel like I have terrible taste in men, and I really don't fit into the young adult hookup culture.
I came to college in a long distance relationship with a guy who never actually wanted me physically (he apparently is saving himself for marriage). i was perfectly fine with it, but other people thought it was weird as fuck to be in a relationship for 4 years and never have sex. I respected him.
A couple months go by, and me and my high school bf decided it would be best that we broke up. Both of us changed as people, and the distance had become too much.
The night we broke up, my best friend came over and held me while I cried and talked to me to make sure I was okay. He understood. He was the person who always put a little more effort into the relationship, he was just like me. He was in a long distance relationship, except he was better at lying to himself that things were going great. He's still with his girlfriend.  
And I'm in love with him. Maybe not love, but there's something there. I don't want to be a fling for when your distance is too much. I want to be his. Fuck. Why do I like guys that either don't want me or I can't have?



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169,762 You think I'm your doormat. You're right.



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169,761 I love you too, but I'm tired of you not being there for me when I need you to be.



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169,760 I love you, but I'm tired of comforting you.



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169,759 Come on Mr Handsome, put up a picture of your beautiful face. Been under the weather of late and seeing you would help brighten my day



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169,758 There's a woman I knew from a while back. Nasty. She was always causing trouble. She thought she's hot shit because she started working out and getting buff. Like super buff with man muscles and shoulders. I've successfully stayed away from her all this time. But the other day I bumped into her at a store. I had no choice but to say hello. She started talking to me and holy shit her voice is now like a man. If I didn't see her in the flesh I'd think she was a fucking man. Is that what steroids do to a chick, it turns their vocal chords into a fucking man?



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169,757 Amazon sells sex toys.  Not only do they sell sex toys, the prices are cheap compared to any adult book store.  

I had heard a lot about Fleshlights so I did a little research.  I didn't end up ordering that but I did order a little device that was very similar but it was molded from some porn stars pussy.  I also ordered some water based lube.

I have been masturbating like a bonobo monkey.  I have rarely used lotions or anything of the sort and as a result I can now last forever.  This also means that it is harder to cum when you are trying to pleasure yourself.  I was in the market for a toy like this in order that I give my hand a rest and I wanted to get some sensation back that was dulled by masturbation.

Anyway, I read the reviews and picked one out.  This cracked me up.  It was delivered on a Sunday.  Holy hell, I didn't need it that bad but Amazon sent this 12 toy to me and had it delivered on a Sunday.  It must have cost them a fortune.

I tried it out that Sunday.  Why not, I now had it in hand.  I wasn't sure how it would work because I am bigger than most men.  I took the implement of destruction out of the package and it smelled like baby powder.  Damn if the one end did not look like a porn star's vagina.  They even hand painted the exterior to a blushing pink.  In the reviews I have read that the pink wears off.  Word to the wise, it does.

I would never write a review on Amazon but damn.  This thing felt like the real thing.  I would have never believed it if I didn't try it.  It felt fantastic.  I have not had any in a while and this was fantastic.  I came in under a couple of minutes and it cleans easily.

So now I sit at home and pull out my toy and use that to pleasure myself.  Best $12 I ever spent.

52/Married male



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169,756 Biggest buffoon ever... Mediocre teacher, lousy administrator... Verbally abuses kids .... Not respected by anyone ... Why is this asshole employed at a school district?



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169,755 i knew i was hot as far back as kindergarten. all the boys wanted to be my friend. lol.



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169,754 #744 - we are our own worst critic and enemy.  

I know this all too well..



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169,753 I don't want to have NSA sex with strangers on craigslist.  I want my partner to want me.   I feel way too old to get divorced and thrown back into the dating scene. I've seen friends my age and I can tell you when you're over 50 it's slim pickings.
~married celibate female over 50



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169,752 Ever masturbate after handling jalapeno peppers? I did. It's a really bad idea.



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169,751 the day the world ends, i want to be with you. as we are all going, i want to be cumming with you



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169,750 I don't get mean spirit vindicted people while I'm no saint and far from being perfect I try my best to be a good person. Every other week I clean my clutter and donated (books, clothes in great condition, house items..etc.. to people on need , a few times a year I donated items or money to food banks and try not to judge people. I don't envy other people I'm happy with what I have , I don't care if someones have more than I do , I don't pay attention to none of the stuff . So next time you want to talk bs about me and stick your nose where it doesn't belong ., please do your self a favor go and used your time on something more productive . Your insults and negative comments about me will fall deaf ears . I will just continue with my life trying to be at service of others and help as much as I can, because that's how my parents raised me.



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169,749 Nothing has done more to kill affection for my partner quite like getting married.  There is nothing about her that I find appealing. Nothing will ever change that.



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169,748 You people who are older and not get sex are just stupid if you aren't getting some NSA on the side. You can easily get some guiltless, no strings sex from Craigslist from hookers or others and it will change your attitude on life. You really should consider it. Life is too short to waste your sexual ability and watch it dry up and blow away in the wind.



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169,747 732 & 733, you're both so right. My 32 marriage turned into a roommate situation long ago, but I can't leave her because I'm too old to start completely over again.
I miss touching, smelling, feeling and tasting a woman. I miss the amazing feeling of my cock sliding in and out of a nice wet pussy. I miss the wonderful feeling the body has when you climax and cum all over each other.
At this point, I don't think I'll ever experience those feelings again. This SUCKS!

65M



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169,746 She was one of my best friends, though. And she became a sacrifice.



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169,745 I am going to kill myself



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169,744 I know a celebrity personally. She's been in a number of popular movies. The media portrays her as "delightful". Fuck that. I know the truth. She doesn't have a good soul. She's a bad person. I've spent time alone with her. Not by choice I might add. She's that awful. I wish the public would understand who they are dealing with and stop making this bitch out to be something she's not. When I see her featured in a magazine, I want to tear up her pictures. I can't stand the sight of her. I especially hate when I wake up each morning and see her in the mirror...



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169,743 738 your post made laugh  it made me think of and old teacher in middle school. The guy was an old perved  and there was this rumor going around that he died of a heart attack while sitting in the toilet jerking out to a dirty magazine . I often wonder if it was true or just a rumor.   Thanks dude I needed the laugh.



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169,742 I bought a book on parenting. I didn't read it. Who has time to read a book when you're a parent? The idea is flawed from the start. I did however get a lot of mileage out of telling my friends I bought a book on parenting. In return, they got to tell me about the parenting books they bought. I'm sure none of us ever read the books. But that's not the point. The point is we all made ourselves feel good about what great parents we are for even thinking to buy a book on the topic.



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169,741 The girl next door guys comment is so hot...hate shes addicted to heroin...but damn the multiple bjs from her is so hot...and all that cum....i wish my bf lived next door...id be full too!!!!



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169,740 I love it when you touch my face. When you stroke my cheek I can feel the love coming from your fingers. It's such a simple thing, but important because it's not a sign of sexual desire.

You know, you say you don't want to fall in love with me, but you show me that you love me in so many little unspoken ways. And I know that there's a difference, but I'm happy with what you give me. When you pull me close to you. When you're concerned if I've eaten or slept well. When you kiss me because you know I want to be kissed, even though it makes you feel like you're in high school I love kissing you so much. Or how you always make sure to clarify so I don't misunderstand you and get hurt, because you know we communicate and understand life very differently.

In a way it's perfect, because I'm not ready to fall in love with you yet, either.



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169,739 It doesn't feel like you died. It feels like I don't see you at the moment because you're in the other room watching TV. At lunch time I have to stop myself from calling out your name and asking if you want a sandwich. I haven't cried yet. I'm not ready to cry. I'm not sure I will ever be ready. You want the truth, I'm thinking about joining you in the other room. We can watch TV together again.



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169,738 I'm an older male. Whenever I jerk off I'm more and more worried I will have a heart attack in the process and be found naked and dead on the bed with my hand on my dick. I don't want this to be the last memory people have of me. Not much I can do about it other than I make sure I'm keenly aware of where my pants are. If ever I do feel a heart attack my plan is to grab my pants and get them back on with my last few dying breaths. Stupid I know.



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169,737 I just had back surgery two weeks ago, whenever anyone asks I say I'm doing fine, but I'm not. I'm still having pain, and that scares the hell out of me, and since everyone I know works, I spend all day alone, stuck in the house except for going out for walks. Every day alone. It's really getting depressing. Last night I dreamed we were at my mom's old house, taking a walk along the road while she pointed out different flowers and plants as she always loved to do. I woke up feeling so sad and now I can't stop crying. I didn't think it would be like this. I thought I would wake up feeling great and ready to conquer the world. Instead the world is conquering me. Oh, well, time for another walk, I guess.



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169,736 The girl next door to me is a heroin addict. the more she needs it, the lower the price for the blowjobs she gives me. God, her belly must be really, really full of my cum by now. She thinks its actually good for her since she rarely eats. :-)



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169,735 Ugh! Another ticket! Really offcer? For holding my cellphone for two seconds. Damn! Happy Monday y'all! This will not get me down even though this is my fifth ticket in one year! I think I traded one addiction (heroin) for tickets! Lol. Just kidding. I've learned to smile even though things suck right now.

36/F



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169,734 I secretly hope and pray she becomes pregnant again.



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169,733 I miss fucking. I miss feeling fuckable. I miss being attracted to my husband. I miss a nice, hard cock to rub through pants. I miss sucking one and I miss having one slammed into my pussy. I never thought I'd end up married and celibate. What a fucking tragedy.



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169,732 That moment when you and your wife realize you each have fundamentally different views about the world.  That is the moment when you see that the friendship that became love and marriage and children has devolved into roommates.

M/40s  3 kids



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169,731 I don't listen to pop music and "discover" albums a good 3-5 years after they have come out but damn, this recent Beyonce album is hot.  Really mature and sexy!



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169,730 Anytime my wife and I have sex, she tries to use it to get something. We will literally be in the bedroom removing our clothes when she suddenly stops and says, "You know, there's this nice pair of earrings you could buy me."  Every time. Without Fail. She wants something for agreeing to sex.



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169,729 I love you Mike Griggs!



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169,728 i want to meet the asian girl. or is it meat?  come see me in NY!



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169,727 I am 80% sure I have borderline.
It would explain everything. I hate feeling abandoned, to the point where I was extremely depressed for months after my ex had dumped me. It was a highly unstable relationship, and I jumped from loving him to hating him the next second.

I don't know what to do. I don't have insurance, so it is not like I can talk to someone at this time. I can only learn how to deal with it on my own. There isn't any other option.

18F, just the right age apparently for BPD to start showing up...



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169,726 I'm going to steal your man from you. It doesn't matter because he doesn't love you. He loves me so much more.



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169,725 Nobody likes a drunk



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169,724 Thanks for sharing your story



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169,723 I just lost my  3 pound 14 year old dog, she was born with a very weak system due to her size , she had all kind of health problems and have spend a fortune on vet bills during these 14 years. In a way I feel guilty dogs should not be the tiny to begin with it. I can you though I would never buy another teacup dog it's irresponsible and any person out there looking into buying a tiny dog ( teacup) please don't do it.



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169,722 There's nothing wrong with wanting to fuck someone that shares your own blood. We all do it - more or less,because we all share each others' blood. Don't work yourself up over it,it happens. You should be happy that you had a brother that wanted to fuck you. I had to wait until I was 18 to lose my virginity...



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169,721 Wow. Some people's pain is immeasurable. On a positive note, the writing skill is without equal.



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169,720 It's Sunday morning. I'm looking at these secrets and I wish I could write a two line secret like "I cheat on my taxes" or "I hate my boss" or something easy. But I can't. My boss is actually really nice and I always pay my taxes on time. I don't remember how I found this site but it took me a long time to come to grips that I was going to post here. I posted here before recently as a result of that, about becoming involved in a sexual relationship with my brother.

No one who hasn't experienced it can know how incest destroys your soul. It's been ten years for me and I still haven't been able to get over it despite years of therapy. It is often, if not always, on my mind, the guilt, the shame and the memory of how exciting and satisfying it was as well. I like to think about it and masturbate. I like to write about it here because it allows me to relive what happened. But is there catharsis for something like this? I have sex with lots of men. My therapist thinks I am trying to "fuck the memory of my brother out of my system". I don't know. I think I am trying to capture the same feelings I had then. I have sex in risky places with strangers and I am terrified of being caught. I have a respectable job doing high profile medical research and a good reputation. To look at me no one would ever know what I was doing in the few hours I am not at the lab or running computer models of Simian Virus SD40 and so on. I still run with a woman's group. I still go out for dinner with colleagues and discuss work. But in those few free hours I have I drive to another part of town and let myself get picked up by a strange man and let him have his way with me, always from behind, in a parking lot or on a garage roof or in a dressing room at a store. It doesn't fix anything but it brings back the experience so vividly.

I remember the first time I had sex with my brother as if it were yesterday. I will never forget it. I think about it every single day. By the time it happened we were already engaging in risky petting to orgasm and even oral sex. I've already written here about that. But it was too difficult to write the main purpose of the secret, which was that we had sexual intercourse and how it came to define my life and how much I miss it still, no matter how bad I know it is and was.

Looking back at it now I realize that everything that happened was a threshold moment. By the time it happened I was already running home after track practice thinking only of stroking my brother's penis or him fingering me to orgasm on my bed. It was a like a drug or a need. When I would study at  my desk at home I almmost always had two fingers inside myself, waiting for him to come home and wander in. We had already rationalized what we were doing but it didn't need that anymore. We were doing it quite a bit, maybe three times a week or more when my parents were at work. It got to the point where I would strip off my pants as soon as I got home and sit at my desk studying in just my UnderArmour track top and my panties. When he wandered into my room I would wordlessly get up and slip off my panties and sit on the bed. Mostly he would sit next to me with his hard penis in hand and I would stroke him while I rubbed myself.

But this day he came in and when I sat on the bed and pulled down his zipper he said, "I want to put it in you." Alarm bells started ringing in my head and I felt the panic, terror and excitement I felt the very first time we had done anything. But this was too much, even for me, and I was always, always horny. "No," I said firmly, "No way. We're not doing that." And he was stroking himself and I couldn't take  my eyes off it. "Why not," he whined. And I said lamely, "I could never look at you while you were... doing that in me." And then he said, "Ok, remember how you were when I caught you the first time? We could do it like that. You wouldn't see me."  I was shaking my head furiously and saying, "No, I don't want to get pregnant," and said, "I would never go inside you," and I derisively said, "Yeah, sure," with real sisterly sarcasm, but he could see my hand working myself intensely inside my panties and when he pushed my shoulder, I fell over onto my side as if I had been hit by a feather and then to my surprise I was on my knees.

It's impossible to describe to anyone who hasn't been in this situation what I was feeling. I didn't know it then but I was tearing my soul in half. My could feel the blood pounding in my head, I felt incredible excitement, terror, panic and most of all need. I was also listening for the turn of the doorknob from the living room, for my parents to come home. I lived in terror of being discovered but like any girl I wondered what sex would be like. I just grabbed the spokes of my headboard and put my head on the pillow. I prayed he would find the strength to stop this, dreaded he would. I can still hear the bed creaking as he climbed onto the mattress behind me. I could him fumbling with his belt, hearing is clanking and hearing him pull down his jeans. He was as frantic as I was. My bedspread was so covered with stains from our fluids over the past days that I often worried my mother would come in and just from the smell know what was going on, but my mother rarely ever came to my room. I washed the spread as often as possible but could only do it when I could do a full cycle when she wasn't around to ask why. So I would just turn it over and over to cover the stains. This is what I was trying to think about over my panic as I felt my brother grasp my cotton panties and pull them off me. With my butt in the air I felt naked and dirty and embarrassed and sexy and slutty and excited all at once. I felt him push my track jersey up and I realized that in all the sexy things we had done over the past weeks he had never once seen me topless or seen or touched my boobs or nipples. It was strange I thought of that in that moment but I felt a stab of inadequacy as I always felt a little cheated by my genetically small breasts.  I gripped the spokes so tightly I thought they would break off and squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted it over, I wanted it not to be happening but at the same time I couldn't wait for it to happen. I needed it. I wanted it. My brother was breathing heavily. I was worried about the pain. I had read all about first time intercourse, the pain, the blood and I prepared myself for it. I knew I was a greasy, wet mess down there and I was buzzing with excitement for it in my crotch and belly. But when he finally did it there was no pain. He slid right into me perfectly with a grunt I had never heard from him before and I felt him in me right up to my head, like electricity right up my spine. Almost instantly I had a convulsive orgasm. My entire body was shaking and tears of pleasure wet my pillow as I bit my lip. The waves continued as he pumped, maybe twice, then grunted, and to my amazement and relief, he pulled out of me and I felt a warm, wet stripe splash up my back, followed by another, and another. I could hear him gasping as he stroked him self fast and hard, and felt wetness on my butt. I realized later that he was just as terrified of my getting pregnant as I was.  When his orgasm subsided I let go of the spokes and started to sob. It was hard, bitter crying. The experience had been horrible -- and wonderful. My vagina was still pulsing in the aftermath but I collapsed on the bed in tears of anguish and joy. My brother tried to put his arms around me, but I turned on him and started swinging at him in anger. I hated him. I hated myself. He just leaned back and dodged my frantic attacks and when I tired of that, I collapsed on the bed in a ball and cried. This time he pulled me to him and I let him. I could feel his soft wet penis on my butt. We were never tender as brother and sister but he held me close for a long time, and we said nothing. I felt so incredibly guilty but my body felt so good at the same time. I was changed. Not only was I no longer a virgin, but my first time was with my brother. I knew that nothing good was going to come of all of this, but yet, I felt warm and comforted in his arms, and the there was a little tiny thought in the back of my head that I knew it would happen again and that I wanted it to happen again.

After awhile he got up wordlessly and I heard him pulling up his pants and his clanking belt buckle and he left. A few minutes later I got up and his sperm started running down my back. Rather than making the bed I went to the bathroom to shower. I stripped off my track jersey and walked naked past his room. I didn't look at him as I went into the bathroom and locked the door. I tried to wash him out of me and off of me. I knew from my studies that even if a boy didn't come inside a girl she could still get pregnant so I washed and washed, though I knew it was fruitless. I changed that day, something really changed in my head. I shower all the time now, sometimes three or four times a day. Whenever I do, I feel I am trying to wash him off me, out of me. It's never enough.

The next day I was numb. I even failed a pop quiz, somethign that had never happened before. My teacher called me up to his desk after class and showed me the failed quiz. My face burned in humiliation. He looked at me with ignorant concern and said, "Boy trouble?" I couldn't respond but I knew my face was red. Even though I was two grades ahead of my peers, I had never before gotten less than a perfect score on a quiz. He crumpled the quiz up and threw it in the trash can. "Don't sweat this test," he said to me, "You'll figure it out." and I didn't know if he meant the material I missed or what do do about the fact that I was being fucked by my brother.

I couldn't focus, and all I could think of was his penis sliding into me and how it was like someone put an electric current of pleasure to my spine. In every class I found myself squeezing and releasing my thighs to stimulate myself. Even running after school didn't help, and that had always been a way for me to relieve stress and anxiety, that and masturbating in my room in the innocent time before my brother was doing it for me. I found myself blaming my parents. They were always at work, talking about work or reading about work. I admired them so much but now, when I really needed parental involvement, they were either never home or never aware of us. As long as we were both getting perfect grades they never bothered us. We were the ideal Asian family and children. Who would have guessed that the Asian track star was having sex with her brother after school? Not me, and I was doing it.

The next day when I came home from school I walked past my brother holding his hard penis for me while sitting on the couch. I just snorted derisively at him and walked to my room, not even breaking stride. But my heart was pounding and by the time I flipped open my text book on my desk I was sitting only in my panties. My eyes saw the words on the page but they didn't register. I heard him coming into my room but I didn't respond. I felt his strong hands under my armpits as he stood me up and pushed the chair away. I told myself that is wasn't me doing it, that it was all him, that I wasn't an active participant as  he pulled my panties down to my ankles, but it was me who kicked them off as I spread my legs and leaned my my head on my arms as I bent over. Again I felt the electric thrill run through my belly and spine and head as he stabbed into me with his hard penis, only this time, as if reading my mind, he cupped  my breasts and pinched my nipples. I thought my head would explode as he pumped and pinched. The blood was already rushing down to it as I was bent over and it was pounding in my head. I saw colors and felt things I couldn't believe. I crossed another threshold in that moment as I accepted that I was doing this, this was part of my life now, and the guilt let up a little and I just experienced the pleasure. I found myself making small noises as I orgasmed twice and again I felt his warm, wet semen splashing on my butt and running down my legs. Something had changed in him as well, he was starting to take more control. I knew this as he  wiped his softening, wet penis on my butt and thigh and then turned and walked wordlessly out of the room. Still leaning over the desk after he was gone, I rubbedd his watery come all over my ass and rubbed my clit to another orgasm. And then I walked naked to the shower again, this time looking at him in his room as I went. His face was expressionless. I didn't know til much later what he was feeling about this, because it was he that wanted it to keep going, even after I had a boyfriend, even after I moved to college, even when I came home for the holidays and woke up in the night to find him masturbating on me, years after we stopped this behavior. I just watched him do it and let him spray on me without comment, but I vowed to stop coming home.

In those days there were so many threshold moments, so many moments of guilt and pleasure, self loathing and excitement -- the first time I let him come in my mouth; the first time I let him do it face to face with me, the first time I let him put his tongue in my mouth, and the first time I let him come inside  me. With every new advance into forbidden territory I became more and more wretched, sliding down into despair and desperation, unable and unwilling to stop and hating myself for it. To this day it seems impossible that my parents, my friends, anyone who saw me on the street couldn't tell that I was letting my brother fuck me, and as I write this, I know it's a lie. I wasn't letting him fuck me. I was an active participant. Sometimes I initiated the action. Sometimes I was aggressive. It's not all his fault. I am to blame also. And now, years later and after seeing numerous therapists, I still haven't come to grips with it. I don't know if I will ever have a normal sexual relationship. None that I have since then, and there have been  many, have never come close to the thrill, the excitement, the climax and the satisfaction that I felt amidst the horror and the panic and the fear and the terror. What do I do about that? I hope I someday have the answer.



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169,719 The biggest TV I've even seen is in one of the most run down houses I've ever seen. Funny how that works.



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169,718 It was so nice hearing your voice just for a second. I miss you so much.



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169,717 In the middle of the night I pee in the sink. You need the light on to pee in the toilet. I don't want to turn the light on. The sink is a better option.



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169,716 My sister in law is out of her fucking mind. She has mental issues. She's not retarded. I could accept her if she was retarded. Her issue is more of a social thing. She needs to be in control of everything. Her husband left her, which made her even worse. Now she tries desperately to control the lives of all her siblings, even though everyone is in their fifties. A poignant example, she hosted a family reunion. Of course she did. It was a form of control. She got everyone to come to her house. This was subtle, but she had t-shirts made up saying the family name and..... get this.... the shirt also featured a picture of her. No one else. Just her. That's right, she wants everyone to walk around wearing t-shirts with her picture on it.  She's so deluded. She can't see what she does. On the ride home from the reunion my wife and I took great delight in throwing the t-shirts out the car window.



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169,715 Just masturbated so I wouldn't be tempted to fuck my client I am about to go and have an appointment with.



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169,714 Random thought: I wonder if you can still post a pic with a secret here......

36/F



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169,713 I don't want to stifle her flame. I'm just so brain weary right now.



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169,712 I feel like the world is full of a bunch of people who just use each other. Myself included.



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169,711 When I meet a new woman and the mood is right, I'll tell her bad things about my wife. I'll paint her to be a gawd awful bitch. I'm hoping the new woman will have sympathy for me and offer up a mercy fuck. I'm pathetic because my wife isn't an awful bitch. She is actually very nice. I'll do anything to get a screw.



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169,710 I'm in love with my ex bf



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169,709 I always thought that Car-y was an odd name for a man.   I guess if you fail in business, politics is logical next step?  

Speaking of casinos that fail(?),  I don't have an issue with comb-over/baldness, just when politicians open their mouth.  

Ah, what a show, what a show, here we go..  I always fear when there's a big GONG Show happening, what is really happening or about to happen behind the curtain.    

They call it bait and switch or sleight of hand.   Remember how OJ and Marcia Clark were front-and-center in our life?   Does anybody know what was really happening (or care)?   I do.   A massacre in Europe.

Remember when a certain president did after bing told his country was under attack (9??).  I do.    Nothing.  He listened to My Pet Goat.  It's well documented on video.

After -20 trillion, what's next in this Shell game?  More money printing, I guess...   I'm sad about our race to the bottom.  As Bob put it, "we coul-Dav-BIN eh Kon-ten-dah".



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169,708 I lost my beautiful 22 year old wife 39 years ago. I think of her every day. Today was the day of her death. I'm remarried for 32 years and still can't stop thinking about Diane. My life would have been perfect today if I wasn't so stupid back then. If you're young and love someone....DON'T BE STUPID! I've been paying for it ever since and it changes your life. I'm sorry Diane. One day I'll see you again and we'll be together forever! I'll love you until the day I die.



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169,707 You know how sometimes it's easiest to tell your secrets to someone you don't know?  A lot of the time I'm that confidant.  Only problem, is that it's with my so-called friends who don't seem to care anymore now that college is a year out. I no longer exist, except in the rare occasion when they need to get something off their chests.



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169,706 I text while driving. I've very skilled at it. I keep the phone down on my lap. The police would never know what I'm doing.



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169,705 I'm so lonely, no one realizes it, I do such a great job of pretending I'm not, but I am. I honestly don't know what happened, everything was going great, planning our life together then she started seeing me less and less. I was confused at the time but later found out its because she had been cheating on me. We ended up breaking up, she still doesn't know that I know she cheated on me. I don't know what to do now, I loved her more than anyone, and she knew that.

Male late 20's.



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169,704 The prostitutes in my town hang out on Beaver Street. You just have to laugh.



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169,703 I had a boyfriend in college. He dumped me. A year after we graduated he married someone else. They bought this little house in suburbia.

Now it's 30 years later and he still lives in that little house with his wife. I should thanks the gods he dumped me.  It could have been me wasting 30 years of my life. I feel lucky.



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169,702 I saw an episode of Mad Men a few years ago where a woman leaned up against her washing machine and the vibrations clearly made her pussy feel good. She then humped the machine to orgasm.

A few weeks later I was home alone doing laundry and remembering the scene, I pushed myself up against my washing machine and..... nada. I guess they make machines better these days so they don't vibrate as much.

Damn, I hate progress.



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169,701 I recently met this girl. We hit it off super well. She asked for my number and we've hung out a couple times. She's great. She's beautiful and smart. Emotionally....we're there. On our (what I thought was our second date) now I guess it's just a hang out, she tells me she has a she's seeing someone and not just...casually....like they're planning their life together. Moved in together but continues to flirt with me. Now I know flirting and non flirting----I'm  just a girl being cute.....she's flirting. And she knows it. We speak everyday. About us. Our dreams. Our regrets.....but never her better half. She refuses to bring them up. Then proceeds to tell me to go over because she's home alone.



The truth is, I've always always told myself I'd never be the person to come between a relationship. I know better and I've seen people be destroyed by these sort of desires....

But.....I can't shake her off. The sexual tension between us is so obvious. I wanna grab her face and just let her have it. In the restroom. In the car. When she comes to visit me.....but I fight it. And to be honest I can't tell if she fights it too or just enjoys the attention. The fact that she knows I feel magnetized by her. Her smell. Her beauty. She's everything I want in a girl. But the reality is.....I'm in no position to be in a relationship. I want to get the phone call already....."we broke up"  so bad. I dream about it. But that happening would mean I'd have to start giving a shit about someone else fully. She makes me so venerable and it scares me. I don't want to her or her significant other but I think I'm falling for her. And it's been months now and I can't escape it......

........sigh.



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169,700 I can't remember the first time I had sex with my baby mama. We were really young, and it was a long time ago. I remember the second time, though. It was morning, and I was spending the night with her at her mom's house. I awoke to see her bubble ass pounding my morning wood, reverse cowgirl. She was fucking me so hard, you'd think she was angry at something. That wasn't all she could do. She was an amazing sex partner. I don't think of her that way anymore, but I can remember back when she was one crazy bitch in the sack.



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