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170,299 My wife passed away a few years ago and I am back in the dating world. Yay me, right? The dating game. Ugh.

One night I bring a girl home. We eventually made it to the bedroom. Our passion was afire so I paused to get a sex toy from the nightstand. It was a dildo my wife and I had used. She looks at it and makes a dumbfounded look on her face and says "Is it used?" I said of course, my wife and I used it. She replies "Eww, gross." So I put it back and we moved on.

Afterward I thought about her rejection. She didn't want the dildo because it was used. Hmmm. My dick is also used. It had been in my wife and many girls before that. The dildo that had been in one woman was not good enough for her. But the dick she gobbled like candy and tapped her three hole had sen all over the world.

These older women I meet are weird.

M/60



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170,298 I hope the judge throws the book at you.  Everything you touch turns to shit.  I really hope you go to jail for the whole ten years.



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170,297 Apple cider vinegar mixed with a little water, massage in scalp/spray in scalp.  Rinse after 30 minutes then wash hair.  Dandruff is bacteria.  No more dandruff



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170,296 I put coal tar in my hair to combat extreme dandruff. I'm not kidding. I coat my scalp with this smelly goop.  It's like dunking my head in a bucket of used motor oil.  I let it soak in for 10 minutes while I'm standing in the shower. Normally if I had to waste an extra 10 minutes in the shower, I'd know exactly how to use the time to my benefit.  But smelling like motor oil hardly adds to an erotic mood, so I just stand there.  I wash it out as best I can with other normal shampoos. But for the next hour I still smell like diesel. In the end it appears to work.  I do this three times a week and no more dandruff. Amazing what vanity forces us to do.



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170,295 I love life. I love people and all their quirks. No judgments on my part. A slightly used sex toy for sale on Ebay? What a great story to make everyone smile.



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170,294 I don't care what you look like or how much money you have, anyone can go out and get laid if they so desire.
Staying in a solid emotionally and physically satisfying relationship --  now that is something to feel proud of.



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170,293 I just spent two hours of my work day hiding in my car applying to other jobs. I'm sick of this shit.



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170,292 The problem as I see it, with compulsive liars, is that they never really know how much they have hurt you. They also feel the same way, only the responsibillity for the problem is theirs, because they chose not be honest with themselves and the people around them. They put themselves in that position. Honesty is a virtue that most of us collectively buy in to, so that our lives can have meaning. I won't enable the liars in my life. Once they realize this, they usually (and thankfully) go away. It's so very true when they say that truth talks and bullshit walks.



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170,291 Sometimes when I'm driving my family around, we'll pass an old apartment I lived in 20 years ago.  It was my first real place when I was just starting out on my own, so I'll always cheerfully announce, "There's my old apartment!"  Then I'll look at the window to the bedroom and remember how some construction workers caught me masturbating one day because I forgot to pull the shades down.



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170,290 HAPPY SINGLE GUY:
Wow seriously these dating sites are too easy! all these girls say they do not want one night stands and they want long term relationships ...then you meet them and they have sex with you that night!



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170,289 I find the English language very disconcerting   Like the word
"know" and "no".  
"Come back" should be "come forward"

And here is the biggie from a long list:  Spell

Your words are spells.
Use them wisely.



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170,288 They shouldn't.

Just don't come to someone's house and demand your Vegan preferences be taken care of by all the others in the family.

Then when you invite them all to your place have no in kind consideration to the same people and be smug about it.



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170,287 I have three kids that are wonderful..then i have a compulsive liar as one of my kids...he steals even if he has money..lies about everything. And you cant trust him as far as you can throw him....what to do???



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170,286 I'm extra nice to the girls in the office who smoke.  Because girls who smoke are more likely to fuck or blow me while we're in the office.



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170,285 Sometimes it's so hard not to play games. I feel like everything I do is some sort of power play because nothing about us isn't linked to power in some way. Someone's going to want someone more, be willing to sacrifice more, or get over things first. And frankly, I can't tell the difference between protecting my pride and protecting my long-term happiness.

So I'm not running any game. I'm just fumbling around. I don't even know what I want to happen. I literally don't know what's best.



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170,284 Chlamydia meds were no joke. It sucks but it is what it is and life happens.. I wish i could hug you. No body knows the feeling.



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170,283 I chatted with an older guy on Ebay. He is selling a recently purchased full size love doll. His wife has no clue. It is hidden in a locked closet. At first he thought it would be fun to have a sex doll at his beck and call.  But now that this silicone doll is staring him in the face he has this guilt thing. He paid $7000 for his love doll. Apparently after a few rolls in the hay with his silicone princess he couldn't handle it. Maybe it was guilt, the weirdness. Who knows. Now his slightly used masturbator is up for auction. I'm thinking this is like some kind of divorce.



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170,282 I in no way need to wear a bra. I aint got nothing. But I wear a foamy bra because it makes it look like something's there. My bra doesn't support my boobs. My bra is my boobs.



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170,281 Sometimes I swear I can feel spirits touching my skin. I know it's some conscious entity because of the pattern of the touch. It's not just a random sensation here and there, it follows a path, as if a person was touching me out of curiosity. Like it will start on the back of left hand. The sensation will move up my arm to my shoulder. Then it starts on my right shoulder and runs down to my right hand. Sometimes I'll feel my individual fingers being examined. Then I'll feel the touch on my face, over my eye lids, my nose, my lips. It's exactly the way a person would touch me. Except there is no one there.



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170,280 My child needs braces but I can't afford it. I'm so sad. She deserves better.



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170,279 Sometimes my semen comes out as clear liquidy drips of wetness. Other times, much more rarely, it comes out as long coiled up strings of white. I'm not sure why it changes. I think it must be diet related. Does anyone know?



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170,278 I hate liars. God do I hate liars.

There are all sorts of people.  There are selfish people. Mostly I feel sorry for them. There are greedy people. I laugh at them and their fatness. There are lazy people. I have no respect for them. There are perverted people. I find them revolting. There are angry people.  I'm glad they are so miserable all the time.

But it's the liars who get me the most.   If even I decided to kill another human being, it will be a liar.



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170,277 I have a nerdy/naughty secret! I have an attraction to the actor who plays the Penguin on the Gotham TV series (although he is gay in real life which is a bummer since I'm straight, well mostly, but nevermind that). The reason is because about 6 years ago, when I was in my early 20s and trying to escape my mentally and physically abusive ex, I decided to go alone to a bar we used to frequent together. The slightly emo-ish styled bartender was quick to ask for my number while I paid my bill which I left for him on the receipt. He called me later, and we started hooking up through late night booty calls. I still lived with my ex's friends after kicking the ex out at the time and used to sneak around late at night between studying to go meet him and fuck!!



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170,276 Most women that I know, myself included to the tenth, do not get aroused by hearing about other mens experiences which include any of the following:  escorts, anything to do with bodily functions, number of conquests or stds, and well pretty much anything which falls under the catagory of blowing ones own horn.  
Not every man objectifies women and the ones who do are so painfully insecure that when they can no longer talk the talk and have to walk the walk they run.
Men who know how to love are always good in the sak too btw.



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170,275 Thank you to whoever said "trich girl" will be okay....

I'm working on it, better physically already after a mega dose of the appropriate meds...

My heart, and the fact that the man I loved and considered my boyfriend has ghosted on me after I confronted him?  Well, that's going to take a lil longer...



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170,274 Sometimes when I see that the dog has shit, pissed, or thrown up in the house, I will ignore it and pretend I didn't see it so someone else has to clean it up. I didn't want her.



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170,273 I think political parties are like street gangs. Instead of the Bloods and the Crypts, it's the Republicans and Democrats. If you are in one of these political gangs, you either do what what the leadership says, or they'll come after you.



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170,272 I'm not sure what to make of this. I've taken showers with my girlfriend of the month. It's a good form of foreplay. Sometimes the woman has peed in the shower while I'm there. Also good.

I've also taken a bath with various women. More good foreplay. But I once dated a woman who peed in the bath -- while I was in there with her. As I said, not sure what to make of it.



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170,271 You know how to win a local election? Don't say anything. Ignore questions. If really pressed by someone, say you'll get back to them, but never do. Someone will always be upset about some part of your answer, so the trick is to never give an answer.



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170,270 HAPPY SINGLE GUY:
wow! the hot Black woman texting me today "are you mad?"
and the hot curvy woman wanting to get together!
love it.  what wives would say "are you mad?"

..keep them on their best behaviour ..STAY SINGLE!!



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170,269 I was caught today looking down a woman's sweater. She was bending over to show me something and her sweater pulled away from her body and I could see her lacy bra and the dark outline of her nipples. When I looked back at her face she was giving me a rabid scowl. I was busted.

Why do I feel guilty? She's wearing sexy revealing clothes. Why is this my fault for taking the bait and looking?



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170,268 Why the hell should a vegetarian have to cook a carcass to please a bunch of meat eaters?  Give me a break.

My secret is that I think meat eaters often feel guilty around vegetarians and then take it out on them.



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170,267 I am nothing but a walking corpse. I ruined my life two years ago and I will never be the same. If I could go back in time and fix it all I would in a heartbeat. I am hollow and dark inside, nothing but regret and sadness.



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170,266 I thought I uncovered corruption at the local level. Missing money and favoritism. I wasn't sure, but I saw some evidence and voiced my concerns.

There was a firestorm of denials from some officials.  They were as loud and nasty as could be.

That's when I knew I was right.



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170,265 170191, the same thing happened to me.

He gave me this bullshit speech about how he thought I was too good for him and we should just be friends.

And then he avoided me for months, right up until he died.

There's this part of my life that I really hate sometimes.



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170,264 Speaking of vegetarians, thanksgiving is coming up.

Ugggggggggg. I hate putting up with the not so subtle comments from the vegan idiots in the family, along with their demands for their dietary preferences.

In the 2 times (in 15 years) they volunteered to have Thanksgiving at their place do you think they were willing to consider the preferences of everyone else?  Not a chance, the email and phones calls were weeks in advance that this was a wonderful opportunity for everyone to learn the values of a vegetarian diet.  

Of course they had T day for about 5, while in a normal year it is 25-30 or so.



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170,263 No one has ever told me "i love you." i am married.
Is this common?
35 f



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170,262 The reason why you see ghosts in places where something bad usually happened is because of the negative energy.  Like old hospitals or places where people didn't leave this earth of their own accord etc.
Same goes for why I don't eat meat.   It is the absolute fear these animals go thru every day.  The anxiety they feel living in deplorable conditions.  This negative energy is embedded in the flesh.  
When you eat it, you absorb it.   This is why the Native Americans always blessed and thanked each animal they killed for food.  Same goes for plants.  I wish we didn't have to eat at all.  I never feel comfortable to this day even yanking a red tomato off the vine.  I am pretty sure it is a human thing and not something you need to do in a higher realms.   Jury is still out on that one.
If this sounds crazy to you, ask yourself why?
Personally I can literally taste this energy and once you tap into this, you never go back.   It is not a difficult choice to make or something I tell others unless they ask.
I think some people do it for the same reason they go to church.  To impress others.
Not my reason.



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170,261 Yeah sit there. You have a perfectly good woman who wants you, but you'd rather watch tv. You seem to be picking me apart. And doing whatwvee you can to sabotage the relationship.  Of course it's MY fault we're not out having fun today, even though I am dressed and ready for fun. But you are not Mr. Fun today, are you? You would rather play Don Quixote.



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170,260 On behalf of all fucking annoying vegetarians/vegans who sabotage our kind intentions but are too dumb to see it, this vegan apologizes!



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170,259 I used to be afraid of death, until I fell into a love that cannot be. Still, I too worry about dying for my kids' sake. Also, I worry about dying before being able to tell the one I love "I love you"...with my voice. Although that's unlikely to happen.



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170,258 I used to be scared of death.  I got to 40, and it stopped being so scary.  Now I see it as an inevitable part of life.  It's not so scary anymore.  Life is hard and unforgiving, and I kind of look forward to it now.  The only thing that frightens me is that I might go too soon, before my kids are on their own.



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170,257 My sister is the reason I will not ever be a vegetarian.  Let alone a vegan.

She was a huge, sanctimonious bitch before.  She loves being superior to people as far as "ethics" go.  It's nothing but a competition for her.

But now she is a huge, sanctimonious, starved bitch.  She serves as a fantastic reminder to me to not be a bitch myself.

I'm pretty sure all of her friends are people who have not yet learned that they don't have to tolerate abuse from someone like that.  I wonder if it ever occurs to them that the reason her sister never talks to her is because she's an abusive bitch.  I wonder if they think it was a good choice on my part to walk away.

My own friends drew their own conclusions about my sister.  I wondered if my high school friends were just riding on my own bias.  But my college friends met her and they came to the same conclusion as my high school friends.  My friends never took shit from my sister in the way her friends took shit from her.

One time one of her friends suggested they stop harassing me and leave me alone.  My sister got in a fight with her over it and quickly cut that friendship.  I never forgot that compassion.



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170,256 I think I love to torture myself. Scratch that I know I do. I hate myself so much I push away all good things, and anything going well I destroy. I'm getting help to try and change but I doubt it'll work, old habits run deep.
On a secondary note, he said they'd fallen out of love over a year ago, yet her profile suggests that not even 6 months before we met he was planning child two with her. I feel so torn. I want to trust him, but he's lied about so many small things I don't trust him, yet he's offering me escape. I pray he forgets me.



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170,255 I love you, Nick.



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170,254 I can remember only two women turning me down for sex.

One was my girlfriend's high school friend. She came to visit my girlfriend. We all went out for dinner. I slept over at my girlfriends apartment, as did the friend on the couch. In the morning my girlfriend went to work leaving me with her friend. I told the friend I wanted to have sex with her. She said no way. She was very angry.

Two was my girlfriend's boss. I met her a few times. I sent her a funny trinket in the mail. It was a gansta rapper hat. We had joked about it once. Then I called her up and asked her on a date. She said no way, my girlfriend worked for her. I called her again and asked. She gave in. We went out and had fun. Afterwards I kissed her for a long time. Then I invited her back to my apartment for sex. She said no. And she said she couldn't see me again. A few days later she told my girlfriend about the date. That was mean. It was a bad idea to date my girlfriend's boss. But she did go on the date and she did willingly kiss me. She shouldn't have blamed the whole thing on me.

Those were the only two times I remember being turned down for sex. I'd say there were 100 other women I asked and all of them said yes.

Why do I bring this up? I think so many women said yes because they knew I came from big money. Guys, if you want to get laid, get born into the right family.



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170,253 I would give anything to have you docile, contented, happy and completely MINE.



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170,252 My boyfriend and I are long distant; about 500 miles apart. We've known each other for almost two years and have dated for one year. We only get to see each other once every 3-4 months. Every time we visit each other, we always have sex. This past weekend, we fucked like 4x a day and tried some new moves. Now I can't stop thinking about how deep he fucked me yesterday. Today i was at a conference and all I could think about was my boyfriend ramming into me at full speed. I can not wait to see him again...probably won't be until Thanksgiving or Christmas. I miss him.



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170,251 170250...Good for you, sometimes all the money in the world is not worth your self respect .
I am a tough sporty looking guy now but a nerd at heart..I can relate to once upon a time being made fun of.
I don't think another human should be treated that way.
Yeah, you might not make as much as you used to, but I respect you a whole lot more for it..



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170,250 I don't want to get a real job and work at my full potential. I did it for a number of years. People used me. I got tired of it. Not for nothing, but there are things I can do that no one else can. I worked on Wall Street. I was the math guy. I could derive complicated formulations for deals that no one understood but me. The client received a higher payment than they thought possible, so they were happy. And yet somehow, by the end of the transaction, the trader had an extra $million in his book. It was all magic to them. It was just math to me. But they used me. They would brag how great they were as traders. They'd take all the credit. I didn't care really. But what got me was when they would make fun of the math geek, me. They were all tough sporty guys. I was a nebbish nerd. I like being a nebbish nerd. But don't insult me. Don't make jokes about me being gay. Don't snicker at how I'm going to be there all night working on some deal while you don't have to because you own me. You don't own me. I stay late because I like working hard. How rude to say you own me. You guys aren't the brightest. You gladly take all the money making trades I offer up, but then you you make fun of me?? So I quit. The managers went nuts. They tried to get me to stay. I never returned their calls. The head of the department came and knocked on the door of my apartment. He had never said boo to me in all the years I worked there. But suddenly I think he was scared. He knew I was the guy behind all the money the department was making. I let him in my apartment. He could have convinced me to stay, but I thought him to be arrogant. He gave some bs about how we are a team. No were weren't team. They were a team high fiving each other everyday. I was the guy rowing the boat and getting mocked. Arg, they were so rude. So I asked the department head to leave my apartment. It was the most bravado I've ever shown. Yay me. I heard within a year they lost a ton of money. Many of the traders were fired along with the department head. I'm sure they got right back on their trojan horse and were hired at a whopping salary somewhere else. Me, I do some math tutoring. I help 11th graders understand the basics of calculus. It doesn't pay hardly anything, but the students and their parents are very thankful. And that's everything to me.



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170,249 I think pesticides is what killed Steve Jobs. He worked in an apple orchard. I knew another guy who worked with plants and pesticides. He died young. Makes sense this is what killed Jobs. That's gotta suck. You make a billion and then die before you have a chance to spend it.



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170,248 Well I knew it but what can i expect when my boyfriend is terrible in bed. You can't be bothered to squeeze or fondle my breasts or finger me unless I ask you to. You don't give me any passion or pleasure but yet you expect me to pleasure you for what seems like forever with no reciprocation at all. No wonder you jump from one relationship to another. This morning's sex was such a disappointment for me not because you didn't come, which you didn't for the first time in our history together, but because you didn't move at all. You just laid there and let me do all the work. Fuck man if you want to have sex at least get me worked up and hot for you. tease me, run your hands all over me, whisper in my ear what you want to do to me, what you want me to do to you. quit being such a pussy when it cums down to pleasing my pussy. Flip me over rub and squeeze my ass put me on my knees on the bed and rub the head of your hard dick up and down my clit the entrance to my pussy make me want your dick so badly I'm begging you for it begging you to fuck me good like you own me omg there are so many things you could do but no you would rather lay here with your fingers tangled through my hair while I'm sucking on your nipple (which i love up to a certain point) but after a while my jaw starts to hurt and I woukd like to switch it up a bit, ya know? Have you reciprocate. Would it really hurt you to go down on me too? It just seems like you don't want me to experience any pleasure. What kind of man is like that. And you call your yourself a pimp daddy. Sure you might be able to talk these girls into the bedroom and into their pants but why after nine months of being with you am i fed up? Because you dont know the first or the last thing about pleasing a woman? And you wonder why I'm so sad all the time.



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170,247 Trench chick. It'll be okay. Love, chlamydia girl. I took my one dosage of antibiotics. Cried it off and I realize it's not that bad :)



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170,246 My new job really sucks.  It was a step up from my old job with better pay, but there is a problem with the attendance policy.

On my first day, they ended up switching me to a different department with a slightly different schedule change.  I didn't like this, but I was being paid good money and didn't want to leave.

The attendance machine that tracks when everybody begins and ends their shift, keeps marking me as leaving early.  It's a mistake that could get me fired, so I talked to management to try and get this fixed.  They said they would fix this and they never did.  I'm asking my manager one last time, and if he doesn't get this fixed then I'm fucking fired.

I am so fucked.  I needed this job, and I'm about to lose it.  Not my fault.  I'll have to find another job.  One that treats me better.



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170,245 THE HAPPY SINGLE GUY:
received an email that said "but what about when you get old? don't you want to have someone?"
Well, I DONT want the same woman year in and year out, resentful and sour!
no matter what age you are , there are singles!
Haven't you ever seen one of those EXTREMELY happy old couples on a cruise, and you say "have you been together forever?", and they say "HELL NO! divorced my wife/husband, and now just having fun with this new fresh person!!"

Guys, keep them on their best behavior, DON'T marry them.



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170,244 i will never be able to have him for obvious reasons, but i have never met someone i was so taken by mentally, physically, whatever, you name it, he has it. and i would be open to anything. but i know that it is impossible. i feel defeated, but respect him even more for being honorable.



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170,243 I did a meditation to discover what I really want deep down inside my heart.

I saw that all I wanted was peaceful death.



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170,242 The happy single guy!
Mmm mmm. Fucked a black girl last night! Highly recommended!  I've done it before but its been awhile.
Remember keep them on their best behavior don't marry them



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170,241 I have never felt feminine or soft...i have always felt ugly. Makes it hard to be vulnerable in conventional ways...i would like to be loved and indulged even when i am not at my strongest



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170,240 I wonder if ghost exist..........

with Halloween coming, this time of the year always makes me wonder about witchcraft, voodoo, and the supernatural stuff, I really want to believe!

Here's a secret I am a biochem professor at a respectable college and I would never admit this to my students



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170,239 my cousin got into nursing school because my mother wrote a letter of recommendation for her, my mother is the head nurse at her hospital and she has been there for a long time and has alot of influence.  I begged her not to write my cousin a letter of recommendation because she's dumb, has a low GPA and no interest in nursing except for the $$$, but my mom did it anyway and said that she wished I pursued nursing, which I didn't, my major was anthropology, she said I will never find a job with that major even if i graduate with a 4.0. I was so hurt by that statement and I thought my cousin would never get in anyway because her GPA was so low and except for my mom letter of recommendation she has nothing else going

she got in



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170,238 One night in my house recently, I was just relaxing watching TV and for some reason I was compelled to check outside.  I looked out my blinds to meet the gaze of my neighbor, who was also standing in his living room looking at me out the window. That was just very strange.



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170,237 Exactly! Reading comprehension is everything! It doesn't matter how long you study, if you don't understand what you are studying! Geez Louise!

Oh, and the word is MORON, not maroon as you so eloquently stated.
😃😃😃



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170,236 I recently failed the NAPLEX as well and I thought that because I'm an idiot. I even pay the $100 to have them recheck my score only to have them send a letter saying the same thing you mention and that broke my heart  when they said there will be no further investigation, I thought it was just my luck but now I'm wondering if me being black has something to do with it, I thought race doesn't matter, the F************* it does



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170,235 The NABP (national board of pharmacy)is a scram, I had two friends who took their NAPLEX recently and both failed, these are top notch student in my class. it sadden me, but I don't want to tell them the truth…..I passed and even though I didn'answer8  questions and didn't study that much I still passed and sadly think it's because I'm white. I heard of story of classmates passing and I keep thinking no away they passed these people are maroons in class. I was even surprised when I passed, but even more surprised  when my two other classmate failed, they said it's couldn't be a race thing because other minority passed and I didn't have the  heart to tell them the NABP sometimes let minority passed because they don't want to look suspicious and I know this as a fact because my brother passed (a couple years ago) and he was a lazy idiot and 2 of his minority friend got the same generic letter, “we have rechecked you score and it is consisted…..so there will be no further investigation on your score.” My brother didn't say anything because he was afraid they'll write back to the board, but the truth is the NABP is racist



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170,234 I'm a personal trainer and have to BITE my damn tongue over what I want to tell some of my clients!

"Oh sure, let's do some triceps workouts to firm your arms!" Which really means, "HONEY STOP EATING ALL THAT JUNK, you're getting S00PER fat!"

OR "Right, let's get some circulation going to get your skin glowing!" Which means: "GET A STEAM FACIAL, preferably with extractions afterwards, because the pores in your face and neck are so clogged with black sebum that your forehead, nose, and cheeks look like a strawberry."

I wish they would ALL stop smoking and drinking because that makes the little capillaries in their faces dilate and flush, which looks awful.

Just be HEALTHY, people! You pay me to work you  out, which I do.  But if you don't take care of yourselves, our one hour a week won't help all that much.



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170,233 Tell me what i call you ...whats my nickname for you? So i really know its you



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170,232 A nice lil no contact stand off

I don't plan on budging

There are plenty of fish in the sea
I might even find one without a mouthful of teeth like a baby pirhana!

Protip: the dentist is your friend, Snaggle!



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170,231 Still pretending like everything is okay. Well, good for you. They say you should never give up on your dreams.



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170,230 Call him..if your important..he will Answer if not it will go to vm...i know im going thru the exact same bull shit....very close to just finding someone else who loves me for me....im not going to wait for anyone...



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170,229 I'm sure he isn't  sleeping. I'm sure  there's another girl in his bed. I've  convinced  myself. Who turns down  free sex to sleep?

F/26/horny/lonely/crying and  getting  drunk



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170,228 I currently live at home with my parents and six other siblings. There's only four bedrooms in this house. Since I only live there part of the year, I sleep in the living room on their pull-out couch. There is zero privacy.
Two of my sisters are adults, my brother is a teenager, and three of my sisters are still young children. I was talking with my tween sisters and reassuring them that crying sometimes is perfectly normal. Then I had remarked that I cry too, just seldom in front of them.
My youngest sister, who's 9 this year, replied, "Oh, we know. You cry in the shower sometimes."
And that's how I know my family has heard me masturbating.
See, I'm not one of those girls who moan intensely or scream or even gasp much when I orgasm. I just breathe heavier than normal and sob towards the end. I can see how that sounds like crying from the other side of the door. In any case, thank God no one has walked in. then I'd really have something to cry about.
24/female/USA



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170,227 I consider myself a traveler but I've never been to California.



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170,226 I swear some perfume bottles have a long skinny neck so women will masterbate with them.



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170,225 My friends and me regularly talk about which high school girls we think will get pregnant this year. We mean like pregnant while not married and still in school. This year we think there's an 8th grader who will win the competition. Her mom has no common sense. She thinks it's wonderful her daughter has a boyfriend so young. To her it's a badge of honor. Good luck with that, grandma.



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170,224 I'm never sure if I should shave before going to the gyno. I want to look neat, but I don't want him to think I shaved that morning for the appointment. That would be a little too weird. My compromise is to only shave the pantie line and leave the rest looking a little scruffy.



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170,223 I would never insert a tampon in front of a guy. Ewwy.



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170,222 You are going to fuck me. Maybe not this week. Maybe not this month. But by the end of the year you will fuck me.



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170,221 You can buy medical marijuana online. Delivered right to your door. Hot damn!

I mean, ouch, my back hurts, I better go to the doc and get a prescription for... you guessed it, medical marijuana.

Getting drugs has never been easier!!



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170,220 I live in a town with many Italian families. They have been here 100 years. It is rumored some big shots in the crime world lived here. Nothing against them. I think these guys were real men. I think in their own way they had integrity. Anyway, there is a swamp in town. I never go in there. I'm afraid of what I'll find.



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170,219 I never answer my phone. Every call goes to the message machine. I don't like talking to people. They should send me an email instead.



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170,218 When my shoes come apart I sew them back together because I'm too broke to buy new shoes.



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170,217 I remember the words to the theme song for The Mary Tyler Moore Show. But I don't remember the words to the prayer Hail Mary.

Sad.



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170,216 For Christmas I want to get my wife a Medic Alert bracelet saying "Allergic To Sex".



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170,215 Good Morning To All!

I want you to put your left hand over your right shoulder and then your right hand to your left shoulder.

There! I just gave you a hug! Just in case you need one!

Have a great day no matter what!

Be blessed that your feet can feel concrete.

36/F



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170,214 Marriage avoided, bullet dodged.



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170,213 I'm sorry, but I'm getting my needs met elsewhere these days. Someone is giving me what you never would.



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170,212 She won't come to me, I won't come to her. And so we circle the drain.



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170,211 To floodlight guy...divorce her ass shes a stupid selfish cow...she knew exactly what she was doing...please dont believe anything less...shes f ing manipliative



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170,210 I'm tired of stalking you.



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170,209 My daughter is into two things. She likes to get perfect grades. And anorexia. It's been a huge problem. Now we have a system. I will study with her and show her how to ace math and physics. But only if she eats while studying. She hates me for this rule. According to her I'm the worst father in the world, I'm evil. This is the new definition of evil, a person who makes you eat a sandwich.



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170,208 I found some really cool fanart of this character I like and now I'm uncomfortably attracted to him. He's SO hot there.



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170,207 You are a joke
And I'm done being the punch line

If you gave a damn at all
This great love you professed in the beginning
You would have contacted me today

Thought you'd perhaps ghost
Sad how predictable you were

Maybe you're just busy taking care of the STI you gave me
"Consciousness of guilt"... Affirmed



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170,206 170205, sending a big hug to you...



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170,205 I wish  someone on here would  respond to me. I'm missing  my son today. I wish I could have held him. I just need to know someone  knows about  him besides me.



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170,204 I feel like New York teams are the best. New York teams also don't need mascots because why the hell would NY need a mascot? NY is the center of it all. I'd sound so snobby if I ever said this to someone though LOL.



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170,203 Me: I'm working on the floodlights, please don't turn them on.

My wife: What??? Of course I'll turn them on. We need to have the floodlights on. Who are you to tell me not to turn on the floodlights? The floodlights need to be turned on and that's that. What do you think, that I won't turn them on? Why should I not turn them on? I turn them on every evening. You can't tell me not to turn them on. You think you can waltz in here and dictate that I can't turn on my own floodlights. You think you're in charge? You think you own me? You think you can tell me what to do? You've got another thing coming.

She then turns on the floodlights. There's a huge spark high up on the side of the house where I had the wires exposed. The fuse blows out.

Me: Why did you turn them on? I specifically asked you not to. It's 10 in the morning. We don't need the floodlights on at 10 in the morning!

Her: Yea, well, you should have told me not to turn them on.



How do I deal with a woman like this other than divorce her?



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170,202 Kids in my town were caught with drugs in their school lockers. The town was in an uproar..... not because the kids had drugs, but because the school looked for the drugs.  People think the kids did nothing wrong, but the school is at fault. When did we transition from a nation of people who care about our children, to a nation of people who only care about getting high?



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170,201 When it comes to organizing get togethers, if I don't do it, then it will be all messed up. It's amazing how my friends can't be bothered to get times and locations right and send it to everyone in an email. They tell one person to be there at six, and another to be there a 7, and another person to be at a different restaurant. I mean come on, how lazy and dumb are you people!



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170,200 No one would ever guess by looking at any of my social media ie. fb, that I actually lead a very fulfilling happy life.  

I don't like people up in my bizness because the minute I do it seems like I am being tugged at in 10 directions opposite from the one I plan on going in.

These "friend collectors", you know, the ones who just let any ole who dee who jump on to their news feed, they completely
baffle me.



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