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175,599 "If she smokes, she pokes," a friend told me.  Girls who smoke are way more likely to fuck.  

I believe that, but I still decided to go through my Facebook friends list at work and tally the girls I've jerked off to against the number of those girls who smoked, or used to smoke habitually.

28% of the women I've beat the meat to are smokers, or have smoked habitually.  Nationally, 20% of women are smokers.  Considering I beat the meat to "good girls" as well as slutty girls, and thus my tally is weighted towards good girls, that's still 40% more female smokers in my spank bank than there are out there on average.

So yeah, if she smokes, she pokes.

That's your science for the day.



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175,598 My first sexual experience was when I was 16.  The girl next door was 15, and she had her 15-year old friend Julie over with her one Saturday night.  The three of us were sitting beneath the trees between our houses in the dark.  The conversation turned to sex, and I said, "Did you know there are six basic sex positions?  There's man on top, woman on top, side by side, doggy style, standing, and sitting."  We laughed and giggled a bit, and then I turned to the friend and said, "Man on top is like this," and pushed her on her back a little and dry humped her two or three times.  

We all laughed and when we sat back down next to each other, she had placed her knee on top of mine.  We laughed about sex a bit more, and when she said "man on top," I pushed her back on the ground as she laughed and started dry humping her again.  "Man on top is like this, isn't it, Julie?  And I say things to you like, do you want to lay with me tonight?  Huh?  Do you want to lay with me tonight?"  Except this time, I didn't stop.  Julie looked at our mutual friend and said, "Oh my God!!" a few times as she laughed.  

I felt my cock get huge under my pants immediately, and I started feeling this tingling.  Within ten seconds I started to cum all in my pants.  I stood up in a bit of a daze while cum was still coming out my dick.  We all laughed while I thought, "My god, what just happened??"  Turns out Julie was pretty impressed with bulge in my pants.  She wrote me a note saying we should get together for "lunche."  When I saw the E at the end of "lunche," I decided I didn't want to have anything to do with the girl anymore.  

The folly of youth, I guess.  At my age now, I would have seen that E and gone after that girl.  I'd have a lot more crazy sex stories than I do now.



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175,597 I know we will never be, but I will always love you; quietly, secretly, unconditionally.



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175,596 Now that I'm a middle aged man, I know what it means if a woman of any age pulled me into her kitchen and told me I needed to beat off my erection.  The woman is hoping that the next words out of my mouth would be, "Okay... you want to help me?"

If I knew then what I know now...



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175,595 In my lifetime, about 50 women have allowed me access to either their vagina, or their mouth, or their ass.

I am very thankful for this. No one ever tells you that right? Relationships usually end on a sour note. People depart in anger. We end up forgetting the good.

So sincerely. Thank you women. Thank you for being you. And thank you for sharing your sexy bodies.



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175,594 Some people take politics far too seriously. I think it's a sign they aren't very smart.



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175,593 People should know not to lie to me. I hate when people lie to me. I'm your worst nightmare if you lie to me.



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175,592 I want to get a big thick dildo, and tease my bound blindfolded wife's pussy with it. I want her mouth on my cock. And get her all slipper. After that I want to rub my cock and the dildo all over her body.



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175,591 Dude, you were supposed to be a forgotten fuck buddy. You constantly messaging me asking to take me out is unnerving me.  I'm in a happy and secure relationship now, and I'm waiting for him to come home. Please stop trying to get in my panties. You were never that good anyway, and my left hand is just fine until my man comes home. Leave the past where it belongs. Okay?



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175,590 I am getting married!!!!!



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175,589 When I was 16 a group of us friends were at a pool party.  4 girls, 3 of us guys, the mother of the girl who's house we were at and her 12 year old younger sister.

We all played around in the pool and then after that just lying around and talking. Typical stuff.   All of the girls were in bikini's and the mother in a one piece, but looking good.  After a while I had a raging hard on, as only a 16 year old can. I constantly kept a beach towel wrapped around me to hide it.

After a while the mother gets up and calls to me. "Michael, can you help me a minute or two please"  So I get up and follow her inside with that towel wrapped around me.

As soon as we get inside to the kitchen she turns to me and says "You need to go the bathroom, now, and whack that thing off till it's no longer standing at attention."  It wasn't a request, more of a command.

I turned beet red.  "Don't be embarrassed"  she said,  "it's normal. But you need to learn to control it. Don't come back out till it is tamed."  With that she turned around and walked back out.

Talk about an embarrassing moment.



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175,588 175586 got me hard.



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175,587 Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and right doing , there is a field, I'll meet you there.

I found the card you wrote this on five years ago.  We had breakfast together at the little cafe down the street from my office. It was my birthday and you said you wanted to give me a "gift".  After we ate, I asked you what you wanted to do, you responded " I want to go to your office and suck your cock".  I was giddy. It was forbidden lust and it felt so amazing. You made me cum so hard at my desk. I think of this often. Still.

Even though our marriage didn't work out, it was still the most amazing love I've ever known. I doubt that I will ever find anything like that ever again.

During breakfast, you gave me a Joseph Campbell book and that card. I will read the book eventually. I promise that I will.

Of all the things I brought to my house and later got rid of, I'll never lose that book or that card.  They're a testament to us.

I will always love you in some capacity.



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175,586 when I was 15 I was sick for awhile and out of school and one of the girl in my class would come over after school and bring me assignments and we would do homework together. She was 14 and we became pretty good friends from the time we spent together. One day she showed up after school with some books and we laid them out on the dining room table and she started to show me the work. She had tiny breasts and I spent a great deal of my time trying to look down her top. Although she never said anyhing I didn't see how she could not have known. This day she was wearing a modest checked blouse and when she leaned over the math problems I looked down her top. Today she was wearing a loose bra and the cups barely clung to her tiny breasts. After a little while the cups sagged down and her tiny pink nipples were poking over the top of the cups. She seemed unaware and continued but I had a raging boner under the table that I rubbed from time to time. Finally, at one point she looked down at herself and noticed her nipples were visible and she adjusted herself to cover them up then went back to work, but in no time, her nipples were exposed again. Finally she looked up at me and caught me looking. "Don't look," she said shyly, blushing a lot. He hands went up to the top button to button it, but to my amazement instead of doing the button, she just undid the next button giving me a better view. She made no attempt to pull her bra up and within a few minutes it had fallen even further. Her nipples were fully exposed now. I was breathing heavy as she explained the problem on the paper but when she looked up she saw me looking again and looked down at herself. Her nipples were hard as little pink acorns on her tiny breasts. She didn't look up at me. Her hand stopped moving on the pencil. "Is it beautiful?" she asked quietly, "Is it beautiful?" My hand was shaking as I reached over and undid the next button and the next one. I had never done anything like this before. "Don't", she whispered, weakly pushing my hand away. The right bra strap fell down. The cup was fully off her breast. She looked at it then looked up at me. "Do you like it?," she asked shyly. I nodded fast. Her face was bright red. She looked at her nipples. I pulled the bra down further. They were both out now. "Is this bad? This is bad. Is this bad?" she asked quickly, "Does this turn you on?" I nodded again and turned to her. She could see my erection. "Are you hard?" she asked incredulously and her hand brushed over my jeans, "It's really hard," she giggled. "Do you want to see?" I asked. "No," she said fast, shaking her head, "It's not a good idea", but it was already too late, I undid my pants.  My heart was pounding and I was shaking like a leaf. My boner was standing up in my underpants. There was a wet spot at the tip leaking through the cotton. "Is that pee?", she giggled nervously, "did you pee your pants?" I shook my head and with one shaking hand I put it on her breast. "No, no, don't do that," she said, feelby trying to push my hand away, "That's bad, that's not right," but she was not fighting me hard and then I was kneading her breast. It was the first time i had a girl's tit in my hand. My boner was throbbing. I rubbed her nipple. "This is wrong," she warned, "but that feels soooo good." She was looking down at my hand on her nipple. I bent to kiss and suck it but then she panicked. "No, no don't do that," and she tried to push my head off, but I got my mouth around her nipple and licked it a little and she giggled. "God, I can't believe you're doing that. Is it good? Do you like it? It feels good." And I really started sucking it and was really breathing heavy in spurts, "Do the other one," she whispered, "It's more sensitive" and so I did. She maneuevered on the chair so I could get closer. Now she was rubbing my head, "Oh my god, that's so good," she practically moaned. By now my hard cock had found it's way through the fly gap in my underpants. When I leaned back she saw it and gasped. "Your thing is out," she said and I leaned back. There was free flowing precum dripping down it. "Oh my god," she said, "Is that pee? Are you peeing now? Don't get pee on me." "It's not pee," I said as a big glob rolled down the head. She tentatively reached out with a forefinger and pushed at my cock gently. It felt so good. "It's really hard," she said giggling, "how do you walk around?" By now I was so excited I could feel the tingling. I wasn't even touching my cock but I knew it was going to cum. "It's going to cum," I warned her. "What's going to come?" she asked, alarmed, but it was too late. Cum started to spurt out. I grunted in pleasure. I hadnt even touched it and it was cumming and in huge amounts. I was so embarrassed. She was leaning back away from the spurts going all over my leg. "God, what is that? Is that sperm? Don't get it near me, I don't want to get pregnant," she said, but she couldn't keep her eyes off it. I stroked out the remaining cum and fell back in the chair, breathing heavy. Her eyes were huge. "That was bizarre," she said, "And I feel funny down there." She rubbed at her own crotch. "I don't think this is right," she said, but she kept rubbing through her pants. "I better go home. I'll come back tomorrow." And she fixed her bra and shirt and quickly stacked the books. "I feel strange," she said, "did you like seeing my boobs?" I nodded dumbly. "Maybe you can lick them again tomorrow," she said and ran from the house. That was my first sexual experience.



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175,585 You want to solve the high tax problem in this country? Go after all those people who work off the books. The underground economy is huge. I'll bet restaurants only declare 25% of their true income. The local house painter / carpenter / lawn guy declare even less. Oh right, everyone is created equal. Except half of us pay taxes and the other half doesnt.



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175,584 I am at the point of not wanting to live again. How could I marry a man I couldn't trust? He comes home 2 hours later after a 30 min errand and his mouth smells like someone else's pussy. And he is angry because I question it. If it looks like a duck and smells like a duck and quacks like a duck, I have always been taught that it is most likely a duck. His history proves he has cheated on every wife he's had. Didn't know everything before I married him that I knew now but I knew enough that I should have ran. I feel like such an idiot!! My health is bad and I am unemployed and stuck in the middle of no where with a worthless degree. I know I could survive on my own again but I'm so damn tired. Tired of life. Tired of hurting. I tried everything to be happy alone. Everything. And I was for a long time but I just couldn't find any amount of joy or peace. I could so easily be happy here. But not if I have to live with constant doubt again. I feel so worthless.



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175,583 I reconnected with a teacher from high school. I'm now 45 and she's 61. We chat via email several times a week and reminisce. I had a huge crush on her back then. I purposely contacted her because after all these years I still think about her and I would like to sleep with her. I haven't told her this, but I think she knows and she continues to respond to my emails. This is going to happen.



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175,582 One of the best decisions I ever made was to join The Army.  I served during Desert Storm and I was honorably discharged in 1993.  

Starting in 2001 I stated to have problems with mental health and some physical problems too. I have been treated at the VA for the last 15 years. I have never been denied treatment for anything.

I see three different doctors as often as I want and receive medication free of charge. I have not had one bad experience and I am treated better than well.

Since I don't make much money I haven't paid a dime for treatment.

Yep!  It's good to be a Veteran because the government just throws money at me.



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175,581 Some scavengers called me as I lay dying, I've been searching for a lost heart of coal. In many directions, the model kills, keeps me searching for the center of the world, don't swim in whirlpools, no, don't jump in, effervescent, efflorescence and deliquescence, bonds in a magic dance



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175,580 I had the most incredible sex in my entire life with my 40 year old Brother.
I am 38 and I have been Married for 11 years. Not much sex the past year, My married Brother was doing business in the city where I live. He finished on a Friday so he spent the weekend with me as my Husband was on another "guys trip"
and our 9 year old Son was on a boy scout retreat for the weekend.
Long story short, too much to drink while at dinner, too much frank talk on my apart about my lousy sex life.
After returning home drinking continued right into our Jacuzzi where my Brother had gotten in naked.
What sent me over the edge was the sight of his ultra hard and thick penis. I have heard of guys this thick bat had never seen a penis like this.
I was in a bikini, and soon after my Brother talked me right out of it.
He slowly took my hand and placed it on his unit and that was it. We screwed right there. I orgasmed faster and much more intensely  then I ever had in my life as he thrusted in and out of me while he screwed me on the edge of the Jacuzzi.
After we both were a little set back, but as soon as we got in the house my Brother was thick as a brick again and still growing.
He was inside of me again with 20 minutes of getting out of the jacuzzi, and again we did it but for much longer this time.
The second time my Brother orgasmed inside of me, and I cant stop thinking about going to sleep with my Brothers sperm inside of me.
This was nearly a month ago, and although my Brother is back home and so is my husband, i talk to my Brother almost daily now, and we are planning on meeting at a hotel in June when he returns.
I cant wait.....he has the dream dick!



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175,579 My friends indulged my funk for the past 10 days. But now they are starting to roll their eyes and there is a whiff of impatience in their voices. I wish I could explain to them what Prince meant to me. But I don't know that I could find words that would not sound weird or contrived. Point is, I always was an odd duck growing up. At age 11, I used my allowance to buy a pair of bright fuschia spandex pants in a thrift store and wore them to school despite my mother ranting and raving that I looked like a 'slut'. I didn't even know what the word meant, I just thought the pants looked cool and different. That's just one story out of many. And then Prince came along, and I really did not get what "Purple Rain" was about but the music sounded cool and he was...well...he was different and defiant and cool and collected and cute and sexy and feminine and masculine all at once and he.did.not.seem.to.care what others thought of him. And he rocked my tween girl's world to the core. A few years later he got my attention with his song "Kiss" and then came 1991 and the song "get off" and that's when I KNEW it was okay to want the things I wanted and none of it made me a 'slut' or a 'whore' or a 'bitch'. Prince's music gave me permission to feel at ease in my own skin and my own feminity and raunchiness. I am forever in debt to him for that.

Later in life, his music evolved away from the sexually-charged themes but it kept speaking to me just the same. I never found God the way he did, yet listening to his music always soothed my soul. Always.

And now I feel bereft of that peace and adrift without shelter in sight because he is gone.

Music does that to some people. It tethers them to a certain reality and when the music dies, so does that reality. It's going to take a long time for me to find my center again but I have to navigate the times ahead in silence because people are loosing patience with me. Grief is hard and I am not entitled to mine because Prince was a celebrity whom I never knew, therefore the depth of my sadness is not justified according to some. I can't help it if I am sad but i'll keep it under wraps from now on.
thanks for reading.



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175,578 THANK YOU MELISANDRE AND YOUR 9000 YEAR OLD SAGGY TITTIES #orphanbowlgetHYPE



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175,577 572, it goes both ways!

My ex-husband only worked 30 hours a week.  He was freelance and spread his work out over 6 days.  My job required travel, usually 2-3 days at a time, sometimes 5 days, but with blocks of days off in between.  Since I had these days off, I had no problem taking care of whatever needed to be done around the house (minus the lawn, that was his gig).  I also had no problem running whatever errands my husband needed me to do.

So basically, my husband worked and cut the lawn.

I worked, cooked, vacuumed, dusted, wiped things down, scrubbed floors, cleaned the windows, washed the dishes, did the laundry, grocery shopped, shopped for presents/wrapped them/sent them, decorated the house for holidays, decorated the Christmas tree, wrote and sent the cards out, did the banking...plus ran all his errands, such as dropping off and picking up his dry cleaning and getting cashier's checks when he needed them.

I remember one day he needed a hunting permit, for which they were holding a lottery.  He had to work, so I got up on my day off, drove one hour to the place, and stood in line for four hours - in the rain - to get him the permit.  I didn't mind, because that's what spouses do for each other.  Right?


Yet...I'd come home from five days out of town to a pile of dirty laundry and him pointing out what needed to be dusted/cleaned around the house.  Once, I bought him two new suits and he refused to even go back to the store with me to get them tailored.  He "didn't have time."  He had plenty of time, he just didn't want to go.  He wouldn't even try them on so I could show him they needed to be altered.  The joke was on him when he tried the suits on on Christmas Day and he couldn't wear them to dinner at his parents' because the pants were too long, lol.

I did everything for him, but he did nothing for me in return.  If he needed a ride to the airport, I had no problem getting up early to take him - even if I had to be back at the airport myself later in the day.  But when his car was in the shop and he had to use mine, if *I* needed to get to the airport, he told me to call a cab.  He wouldn't drive me.  Said he didn't want to have to take me to work before *he* had to go to work.

Other than that, there were only two things I asked him to do for me in the entire six years we were together.  (I only asked for his help if I really needed it, and he knew it.)  One, I asked him to cut my hair.  He was a hairstylist.  He said he would, but he "never had time."  Going to a salon would be an insult, he said.  My hair got down to my ass before he finally cut it, and that was only after I left the phone book on the table open to "Beauty Salons."

The other thing was, I asked him to take some packages to the post office for me.  They were Christmas presents for HIS family out of state.  I'd had a problem finding boxes to fit the packages and couldn't get to the PO in time before my business trip.  If I waited until I got home, they'd be late.  He wouldn't do it.  Gave me every excuse in the book.  "The post office closes at 2!"  No, it closes at 5.  "Well when am I supposed to do this?!"  Um, you have a block of five hours off tomorrow.  "What if the line is too long and I'm late getting to my next appointment?!"  So go right after your last appointment in the morning, you're not going to be in line for five fucking hours, really?  "I have to come home and eat and rest, I don't have time for that!"   Okay, fuck it then.  But then bitched at me for the packages arriving late.

I had to stifle a laugh when the idiot cried when I asked for a divorce.



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175,576 I used to live near the strip clubs in Times Square. Not the high end places like Hooters. These were hole in the wall dives with booths where you could watch a couple fucking while you jerk yourself off. It always amused me how many Hasidic men would be in there.



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175,575 Arg, never marry an anorexic woman. The kids and me had burgers and fries for dinner last night. My wife refused to join is. Afterwards though, she did help clean up. This morning in the fridge I find a baggie holding one lone french fry. Who wraps up one french fry? She couldn't eat it?



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175,574 Benign neglect goes both ways in my household.



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175,573 My boyfriend's lesbian friends keep asking him to donate his sperm and be there baby daddy. I have no problems with this, we dont have kids. But have  been trying. If he ever agrees I'll be okay with it, only as long as we still don't have kids. I'll stay with him, but the minute I get pregnant im leaving without even saying goodbye... i'll just dissapear from his life, he won't even know about the baby. He will never see or hear from me again, and he'll never know about our child. I can handle being on the backburner, people have done it to me my whole life, and i've dated guys with kids before. But my child will not come 2nd to him. My child won't be made to feel like it shouldn't exist. I can deal with being put last, and feeling like I don't matter. But my child wont ever feel this way



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175,572 Whatever my wife asks me to do, I do. I figure if she needs my help, of course I'll help.

Flip side. If ever I ask my to do something, all she does it argue. It's an absurd dynamic between us. Me always helping, her never helping.

You want to know why men ae unhappy in marriage? This is why.



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175,571 I just had a sex dream about my boss. I never really thought about her much when I'm awake, but in my dreams, she rocked my world pretty fucking hard and sexy. Of course I know better than to act on this I'm not an idiot. BUT, I do see her in a new light…a much more serious but sexy light…

Odd.



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175,570 Why vote for Hillary as a woman? We have had a woman President in the  White House for the last 8 years- Google Valerie Jarrett and see who has been running this country. Obama never made a move without her instructing him what to do. She got him elected with the help of Oprah .After Oprah got Obama elected -Ms. Valerie  got rid of her. Why do you think Oprah stopped her TV show? She wanted to be free and was expecting to be named Ambassador in Paris or London to say thank you. It never happened.Oprah has never spoken about Obama since and turned her cheek when he wanted to kiss her at the White House when he gave her some minor decoration.People never found it odd that the most influencial black woman in America was not at the White House every week?



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175,569 I went to a family reunion.  I'm glad none of my cousins tried to sleep with me.  None of them are attractive.  I might just be the most attractive person in the entire family.



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175,568 I'm probably going to be laid off or let go - once again - soon.  But probably all I'll feel this time is embarrassed instead of devastated.  

I have more to fall back on this time around ... I won't elaborate on what or how much because I don't want it to get all fucked up.



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175,567 175536, you are aware that people can be good at more than one thing, yes?

My daughter is in elementary school. She takes dance, and she's good at it. Amazing, actually. Which is hardly surprising, given that her mother and grandmother danced and did it well.

One night last month, I picked her up after class and while we drove home we discussed particle physics because she's acquired an interest in astronomy and wanted to know how light travels through space and time.

Her grandmother, who's a classically trained dancer, earned a Master's degree and now works as a neuroscience researcher.

Did you have some point you were trying to express about young girls who like to dance and what they might end up doing in life?

PS, I'm Dad.



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175,566 P. I wish that I could un-say all the terrible , mean things that I have said time and again. I have a real problem, fuck, I have big problems. I probably deserve to live out the rest of my days alone without the possibility of love.

I know that I broke your heart by my stupidity. I do thank you for all the positive change that have come into my life as a result of knowing and loving you.

I rode my bike out into the woods today and asked God why it is I hurt the ones closest to me. I sobbed like a crazy  man on the trail and asked him for your forgiveness. I mentioned your name and I hope in some small measure he lets you feel that in your heart. I really do love you and I am so sorry for fucking this up. I hope you find happiness , somewhere, someday.

A.



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175,565 I can't even find hope in my imagination anymore. I have married a cheating abuser. Again. I fell for the act again.



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175,564 You know you have a drinking problem when you can't remember if you had sex with the man or sex with his wife, or both?

AA here I come!



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175,563 Marriage is an open concept tailored to mutual preferences



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175,562 When I was about 25 I had a chance to sleep with my cousin. She was a hottie and she wanted to do it. I said no. Not because she was my cousin, but because there was a rumor my brother had slept with her. It would have been too weird to sleep with a woman who had also slept with my brother.



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175,561 Couldn't we all please use the correct bathroom. If you are born a man, use the Men's Room. Is that so hard. Let's not making peeing so political. How silly.



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175,560 wish i cud find a man for tonight. no questions asked. cum over. we fuck. he leaves. i sleep well.



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175,559 My high school reunion is coming up. I'm ignoring the emails. It's too sad to see how old we've become.



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175,558 It so obvious when I look at Middle Schoolers... I can clearly tell which ones are gay.



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175,557 Being bi is fun. My nuts haven't been emptied in two days. Tonight I'll take care of it. I'll either shoot a load in a woman's pussy or a man's ass. I love having choices.



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175,556 West Virginia should change its name. The state sounds like an afterthought.  There's Virginia as the main act, the headliner. Then oh yea, there's that state to the left which doesn't deserve it's own name, so we'll call it West Virginia.

There's North and South Dakota. But they are okay. They have equal billing. One is North. One is South.

But there isn't an East and West Virginia. No. There's Virginia, and then the leftover bit.

Do something about this West Virginia!



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175,555 People steal my ideas all the time, and reap such great rewards.  Just once I'd like to be the superstar.



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175,554 Last night driving home from a small gathering my wife says to me she has heard anal sex is quite the thing and we should try that.  One condition is she wants to do in a hotel first till we get it figure out.

Oh yeah.  I would have suggested tonight but it not work with the kids schedule.  It will be next weekend.



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175,553 I'm married to a smart, successful, fit, and pretty woman. She went to college, made the Dean's list, and now works in a very responsible high paying job.

Early on in our marriage I cheated on her with a woman who works as a hair dresser. She never went to college. I'm not even sure if she graduated from high school. She was pudgy and still lived at her parent's house.

What the hell was I thinking? I'm so glad my wife never found out. I'll take this secret to my grave.



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175,552 I like anal sex except for what happens at the end. When he pulls out, air comes out with him. It makes, you know, an unpleasant sound. It's not me. IT'S NOT! He must have pushed air in there when doing his thing. The air came back out. But it's not what the guy might think it is!



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175,551 Why do the pro-minority comments always have to come with an insult? Shows what kind of people they are. Oh, if I think people should get ahead on merit and not because of skin color, it must be because I'm insecure?



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175,550 I've been with plenty of hookers, and - SURPRISE! - they like to cum, too.  Not only is it possible to make a sex worker cum, they like it when a man makes them cum.



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175,549 "Giving women, minorities and people who are gay/transgendered (or any sexual/gender orientation aside from a straight white guy) rights does not in any way detract from the rights that white guys have"

Amen! I couldn't have said it better myself. I am not threatened by anyone trying to compete with me, whether male, female, minority, queer, whatever. If they want to have all of the same responsibilities that come with power and influence, I welcome them with open arms. I'm wary of anyone arguing against this, because it shows that they're just not strong enough to compete.



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175,548 In my mind's eye I follow women into the bathroom at work. I count out their steps to the stall. I sense them unbuttoning their pants and sitting down. I hear the pee. I feel them wading up the toilet paper and wiping themselves. Pants back on. A quick rinse of the hands (sometimes). Then back out the door.

It's a game for me to time it just right before the woman reappears. I've gotten very good at it. I don't think women realize how much they are being scrutinized in the office.



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175,547 I visited a strip club once. It's not something I ever do. It was a work related celebration. I sort of had to go.

A stripper gave me a lap dance and as part of the schtick, she took off my tie and rubbed it on her pussy.

A few days later my wife noticed a stain on the tie and asked what it was. I innocently said I didn't know, that I must have spilled something on it.

My wife then repeatedly licked her finger and rubbed it on the stain in an attempt to get it out.

That's when I remembered it was pussy juice from a stripper.

I have to admit I took great delight in seeing my wife touching a stripper's pussy juice.



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175,546 I once left home for a few hours, while completely forgetting my three month old son was sleeping in his crib. When I returned, he was, shall I say, "slightly" unhappy. I never told my wife.



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175,545 As a white man...

If all the Asians play better than all the white people, then the 1st chairs should go to all the Asians, and the white people better practice more.

Otherwise, it's racist to put less qualified white people into the 1st chairs of more deserving Asian students.

And that's the opinion of a white man who suffers from white privilege.



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175,544 In my daughter's high school, the entire 1st violin section is Asian ------ and and and --------- there isn't a single Asian in the second violins, only white girls.



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175,543 Oh, so you're going to play the money card...



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175,542 A guy called me fat as we were walking to a bar tonight.  I am but I decided to go nigga fabulous on him.

"Haaaaa Haaaaa haaaaa!  Bitch, you don't know. me.  Every year you need to get down on your knees that I didn't take your fuckin' life tonight.  Bitch, I see you, I WILL take yo' fuckin' life".

Went to the bar and sang karaoke for 4 hours.  Never saw the guy again.

- 44 Black M, raised in suburbs, knows gangsta rap inside and out, only been in 2 fights in my life.



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175,541 I lost all that work. HOURS. It's so late. I am so exhausted. I need to go to bed and worry about it tomorrow or I'm going to slash my arms open. Just let that searing pain wash out the blood that carries my failure and worthlessness. Those crippling diseases my antibodies can't dismantle. Bloodlet my sickness like the draconian chicken shit I am.

No, fuck I have to calm down. Never again, I can't relapse. I have to go to bed.



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175,540 I'm terrified at how much I love all 3 of them.
I'm terrified how quickly the 2 of them will forget me once baby arrives, I'm terrified how he will never know how much I love him & how hard it is to do the right thing for him is, & Im terrified that 3 people I love will get on a plane & fly away in just 2 1/2 months & leave me here alone.



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175,539 My secret is that I think that the so-called "woman card" is a crock of shit, along with the so-called black card, brown card, white card, democrat/republican card, bullshit card, etc.

These are simply ways for the ruling class, e.g. The people with money, to divide and conquer your ass like they have been doing for 1000s of years.

It's a brave new world out there, at least it better be.



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175,538 Ugh when I'm trying to get over someone everyone just has to mention them



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175,537 If you pay for it she didnt cum. Its all an act dear. Its all an act. She doesnt like you. She only pretends that she does. "A letter to my johns"  because this is the world we live in. I get sad.



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175,536 What's up with elementary school mothers with daughters taking dance lessons. What a colossal waste of time. What, you think your daughter is going to be the next Jennifer Lopez? Better teach her the moves now...

Get over yourself. You want to really help your daughters. get them to learn math and read books. Get them to be the smartest in the class.

Annoys the stuffing out of me when mothers think dance class is more important than schoolwork.

You're teaching your kids to be dumb and slutty.



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175,535 LOL at men who think they actually make sex workers cum.



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175,534 So my aunt comes in and asks me if i wanna get food and i tell her im going to my bfs house.  she says something about me being home all week.  wtf?  i just finished up my temp job, i'm not working right now, so unless i'm running errands or going to see my bf, yea i'm gonna be home.  i live in ny, everything's expensive, i'm just gonna go out to go out?  and as a girl walking around by myself guys wanna say things and sometimes follow u, so why am i gonna go if i don't have anywhere to go?  she wasn't saying it to be bitchy, but why say anything about me being home all week if i have nowhere to go because i'm not working?



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175,533 I snuck out of the house and went to a massage parlor yesterday.  It was a white girl, brunette, 28-years old.  Not a bad looking girl, but I was hoping for a blonde.  She asked straight up if I wanted her to be naked.  While she's massaging me, I start stroking her pussy.  I ask her if she cums easily.  She told me not usually while she's "in the office."  I took this as a challenge, snuck my finger into her pussy, and in ten minutes made her cum three times.  I laughed a little and let her know I was in control.  But when I was about to cum, holy shit, she went after my cock with a vengeance.  Almost killed me with the way she was pumping my cock, like she wanted to show me that she could make me cum uncontrollably.  That she did.  It was a good time.



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175,532 I honestly am sitting at my computer today, Friday April 29th, 2016 watching the 2007 video of Prince singing "Purple Rain" with Beyonce at the Grammys and bawling like a little girl.

I know understand what my mom felt like when Elvis died.



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175,531 I saw a porno that was filmed in a college library.  Two guy had a video camera and was fucking the girl doggy style.  They were being as quiet as they can and snickering.  Then when he was about to cum, he pulled out and the girl grabbed a book off the shelf, opened it up, and he came all over the pages.  They blurred out the book, and then a librarian caught them.  What about the next person who pulls that book out?  How fucking irresponsible of those people.  And why can't I find a girl like that?



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175,530 One morning I went to the gym before going to work. This meant I had to bring a bag of work clothes with me and change into them after swimming laps in the pool. No problem. I thought it was a good plan.

But whoops. I forgot to pack a bra. I ended up going to work in a lovely white blouse and gray skirt, with no bra at all. I'm sure the men in the office loved it. Me, not so much.



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175,529 I don't mind being overweight. Why does it bother everyone else so much. It's not your body!



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175,528 I always look for my name here, but I guess I need to accept that it's his name that rules your world now.

Why didn't I keep my mouth shut…



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175,527 When my wife is in a good mood, she sends me naked pictures of herself.



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175,526 A 5Ə brunette, probably a size 14-16, with massive boobs just walked in the bread shop and ordered a salad. Hot chicks are streaming in and out of here all day. She is easily the hottest thing I've seen all week. I tried to be nonchalant, but I wanted to follow here around like a puppy dog. Sex with her would destroy the bed.



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175,525 I never needed a safe word until I met you



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175,524 For Senior Skip Day at my high school, students are supposed to be bad. It's like a free pass to play hooky and paint graffiti on the train bridge and drink til you puke.

Only a nerdiest of nerds would go to school that day.  No one wants that label.

So you know what I did? I skipped out all right. You bet I did. Because I'm badass!! Yes indeed. I tell people too. I let them know that yep, I skipped school.

I just fail to mention how I stayed home that day and studied.



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175,523 i've been naked in the school library



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175,522 since our last phone conversation three day ago, my life has improved significantly!  I truly loved you , but our life together could never materialize all the hopes and dreams we had planned to share.  There were just way too many roadblocks and emotional detours for that to be our reality.

When you felt like you could never trust me, anywhere, or anytime I knew that this new twist in out reality would never work out. The idea of a long distance relationship with you was just not feasible.   How could I trust someone who doesn't trust me??  No thank you.   That's the main reason I said I didn't want that.  

I hope your life turns out great, I really do.  I loved loving you and I'm truly grateful for all of the positive things you brought and taught me.  You truly are a beautiful woman, just severely troubled and my baggage only exacerbated that. You said that you don't want to know me any more.  I can accept that. I'm good not knowing about you now as well.  I will think of you every day for the rest of my life, but I'm good with the memories now.

Please heal fully from this. We were quite the lovers, my dear soulmate, it was beautiful. It was also tragic. I don't think I would have ever changed a thing, but our destinies call us both in different directions.

Go in peace and know that I loved you like no other. I will always love you.



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175,521 You're confusing a right and a privilege which detracts from any valid points you may make. We all understand your sentiments but to start an argument based on a fallacy is a terrible way to go.



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175,520 "Giving women, minorities and people who are gay/transgendered (or any sexual/gender orientation aside from a straight white guy) rights does not in any way detract from the rights that white guys have."

It doesn't detract in any way? Not at all?

Um, hello? When a minority gets into Harvard with lower SAT scores than white people, that detracts!

This is what I hate. Not only does white discrimination go on, but people lie about it for self serving purposes.  There are idiots in this world who argue based on "facts" they make up. They speak in dried up cliched soundbites. They think if they can say something and make it sound real, then it must be real. I call these people dopes. They fool no one. They are unsuccessful in life. They annoy people and have failed marriages. You'll see.



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175,519 I think about you all the time still, but I'll never say hello again.



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175,518 Giving women, minorities and people who are gay/transgendered (or any sexual/gender orientation aside from a straight white guy) rights does not in any way detract from the rights that white guys have. As one of the aforementioned white guys (believe me, I know full well how lucky I am), it pisses me off to no end that there are people actually arguing against empowering anyone who isn't a white guy.

I'm proud to fight for those who don't have what we have, literally (I've gotten into fistfights with hateful fuckers before). My father and mother taught me how to properly respect my fellow human beings and because of that I will defend the rights of others until the day I die. I greatly look forward to the future, when we are all a little more equal. Anyone who argues against that is insecure and insignificant as fuck.

Surprise, surprise, there are people here arguing against other people having rights! The only dopes here are you, and time will prove that again and again. By the way, I didn't say anything about affirmative action (which isn't a right, but I guess you're too much of an imbecile to recognize the difference). "White discrimination" is a fallacy made up by weak individuals who are angry that they aren't alpha males and have to compete with other individuals instead of just other while guys, and they're fooling no one. Have fun being on the wrong (racist, sexist and homophobic) side of history, I'm going to be on the right side of it helping people step on your sorry ass on their way to the top.



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175,517 I was masterbating and my fucking grandmother walked in. I have no choice. I have to fucking leave the country or change my name because there is no way I can continue to live here.


I'm fucking mortified.



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175,516 I miss my ex very much -and want to see him. But it's best for him that I stay away. I can't be with him because of the lies he told even though he begs for me back. I wish it was different but I feel lik it's for the best....I hope so ....



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175,515 deleted



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175,514 If you are citizen, go ahead, share your opinion about our government. But if you are not, then shut the fuck up.



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175,513 I feel like I need to have a crazy night - drink lots of whiskey, do some Coke and end up having rough sex with someone random



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175,512 It saddens me when people like Amal Clooney (born in Lebanon, raised in England) and myself (born in France, raised in France, Germany and Italy) get handed the "Shut the hell up, you're not a natural born American so your opinion does not count" card.

It's odd. So, so, so odd. I CHOSE this country. I was 32 when I emigrated, 40 when I became a citizen. In my first 32 years of life, I have lived on 3 different continents and 7 countries. It's called "perspective". Yet, I am too told to shut the hell up, that I do not have a right to say the things I want to say.

When that happens, I silently remind myself that the U.S. is a country of 300 years; that such a young nation has come so far in technological advancements, yet has barely budged when it comes to intellectual and emotional maturity. In many ways, this country (which I love) is still very much one of lawlessness, Frontier-style. It certainly is still steeped in puritanical obsessiveness. France, by contrast, came to life as a (somewhat) unified kingdom around 984 (over a millenia ago). Paris is 2000 years old....Let's not even get into the history of Germany or Italy (because, you know, Rome and its little empire are just a mere blimp on the radar of history. /sarcasm)

And then you have San Miguel de Guadalpe (oldest European settlement in the US) was founded in 1527. That's a mere 489 years ago.

There you have. Part of the reason why trying to have a logical and rational discussion with most 'Murican-born citizens is a waste of breath. I am not even saying I/we are right and you are wrong, that's not what it is about. I am simply saying *you* lack a certain aptitude for perspective (call it, seeing the Big Picture). But it'll come. In time, it'll come. It's part of the natural order of things. It's inevitable. I won't be alive to see but it'll happen.

Actually, it has started. You too are about to elect a tyran/despot with dellusions of grandeur and an id the size of (wait for it) a certain tower in NYC. You are about to allow our beautiful country to shift from *protector of the free world* to en-masse oppressor of its own people. But again, it's part of the cycle of life. Don't listen to us. Live and learn. It's a lesson the U.S. need to learn on its own time.

Unfortunate. To say the least.



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175,511 I told my neighbor that I have an orgasm every day.....he replied "what, are you 12?" lol
m57



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175,510 I was one of those super smart kids in high school and college.  When I was in college, I suddenly became attracted only to super smart women, like me.  The only ones who would do it for me were the girls who had plans to go to med school, or law school, or to become some sort of corporate leader of some sort.  We were going to be a power couple, the smart "Masters of the Universe" we deserved to  be, because we were so smart.  Thank God I wasn't successful at matching up with any of them, because they all turned out to be self-centered, rude, egoistical bitches.  What I learned was never to go after a girl because she's smart.  Go for the girls who are kind.



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175,509 I'll always love you, but I'll never respect you again after the way you treated me when it ended. That, and because you married that utter shitbag.  Direct to me from one of your kids: "Nobody likes [him]."  Funny to have an uninitiated conversation like that considering how you thought that they all despised me.  You'll probably never realize how much damage you did to me.  It's a goddamned shame how pharmaceuticals can change a kind soul.



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175,508 I've been very vocal in my town about how to improve our schools. I often give my opinion on how education money should be spent. For this, I get bashed. There are know-it-all mothers who tell me I'm wrong and I'm an idiot and a few other choice words. They know best what should be done in the schools. Not me.

This week the high school announced the valedictorian. It's my son. I'm two for two. My daughter was valedictorian three years ago.

Amazing how that works. Those mean spirited mothers with all the answers, their children get mediocre grades. Whereas my children graduate top of the class. But those mothers know best about how to make children smart, just not with their own I guess.



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175,507 For the past few months I've been naughty. I have a friend...

Before he comes over I call my husband at his office. I don't call his cell. I call his regular office phone to make sure he's there. His commute is over an hour. I need to make sure he won't be coming home soon.



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175,506 In the near future I predict we will have laws stating that every other term, the President must be a woman. Even if the people don't vote for her, we will still have to make a woman the President.

And there will be laws stating that 90% of the people accepted into Harvard must either be black, female or gay.

And a white man's salary will be capped at $100,000.  But minorities will be allowed to make as much as they want.

This is where we are headed. In an attempt to get rid of prejudice, we will create new unfair prejudices against the white male. We will PC ourselves out of existence.



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175,505 I gotta say if the examples below of women using their card prove anything, it's that some women are bitches and those who 'put up' with them are drama loving pushovers. Real women don't rest on their sexuality they get shit done by themselves. I've never told anyone I am unwilling to do anything that's a mans job I've just said when can I start. Funny hat with my unisex name people assume my attitude means I'm a male (when communicating over email etc).



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175,504 I jerk off too much.
M/48



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175,503 I wasted so much time when I was younger pining for women who would never sleep with me.  I fixated on them because they were hot, or for some other dumb reason.  One in particular was my "friend" who I made out with once early on and after that never let me back into the promised land.  I spent about a year and a half in college wasting my time trying to get back in.  How stupid!  Not her fault - mine.

Sad thing is there were probably a few other women around that - had I pulled my head out of my ass - would have dated and slept with me. Oh well. Lesson learned!



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175,502 When fucking my wife, in the 5 minutes before I orgasm, I say the most racy taboo sexual things. I tell her I'm envisioning my cock is fucking a man in the ass. I tell her how much I want to do that. I tell her I want to suck off her brother. I want her best friend's husband to fuck me in the ass while my wife and her best friend watch. And when he cums in me, I want to swoop around and suck the juices off his dirty dick.

Then I cum.

My wife doesn't say anything. She gets up and rinses off in the shower.

I'm left laying in bed thinking what the hell is wrong with me? Why did I say all those things? I'm filled with embarrassment and shame.

I quickly scoot out of the bedroom and do something else so I don't have to look my wife in the eye for a few hours. Hopefully by then she's forgotten all the crazy things I said.



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175,501 You gotta love when foreigners tell US residents how to run our country. George Clooney's wife for example. She's from Beruit, Lebanon. Maybe focus on making your own country better before giving us advice on ours.



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175,500 I've been working for a boss that is not helpful and difficult to work with for two years.... Today, she walks in my office and notices my Yoda bobble head on my desk (which has been there since she started) and says "What is a Yoda?".... Me: "You know, Yoda, from Star Wars - the original series?" Her: "Never seen it."

It's time to find a new job...



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