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195,499 My wife has informed me she tells her friends I'm a jerk. What do I do that's so awful to be called a jerk? I asked her to stop spending so much money. I've also asked her to stop drinking so much. On top of which I've limited our vacations to twice a year because we can't afford it. For this I'm a jerk.

In response to being ratted out to her friends for these heinous crimes, I refuse to go to parties hosted by her friends. This drives my wife insane. But what does she expect? They think I'm a jerk, then I'm supposed to go to their homes so they can watch me and criticize some more? Not happening.


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195,498 My boss is into preserving the environment.  Not a bad thing on the surface, but that stuff can be irritating.  He got rid of the old lighting and installed led lights, right over my desk!  That shit is bright.  I hate super bright lights, after awhile they give me a headache, i've always been like that.  This led shit is annoying, they're in the streets too, that disrupts your sleep.  Seems like some things good for the environment are bad for your health.


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195,497 I don't eat food from cans. Fresh food only for me.


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195,495 So many people don't get it. They don't know when to stop talking. My SIL is one of these. It's painful to be in the same room with her. Not only does she babble nonstop, she babbles about herself. What makes you think the rest of us want to hear the plot of the tv sitcom you saw last night. If we were interested, we would have watched the show. Just shut the fuck up.


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195,494 I have jacked off to photos of naked women who have had a mastectomy.


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195,493 I have a job where I go to a lot of different places. The site I was at this morning - there’s a maintenance guy that always seems to be around. He seems shy and a little awkward. Sometimes we will say “hi” and make polite conversation. But today he came into the room and I looked up and all of a sudden had this image of us having wild, passionate sex. Then I was too flustered to say hi so I just ignored him. What is wrong with me? Why does sex dominate my thoughts 24/7. Is this the “sexual peak” that women hit around age 40? (Cuz really I was like this in my 20s too until I went on the pill). But really... what is wrong with me??? So base.

F/39


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195,492 Theres this guy in my neighborhood who drives a very loud truck ,last night I was about to fall sleep when all the sudden the jerk decided to start his loud , obnoxious truck mind you it was almost 12am . I get it you like big trucks (to each their own) but does it have to be so loud to point people on your neighborhood knows when you are coming and going ?


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195,491 I used to care.
Years wasted worrying about so many things beyond my control.
Lesson learned is take care of yourself and the rest will follow


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195,490 Every time Colleen opens her mouth I want to tell her to shut the fuck up. Nothing but drivel and nonsense come out of her mouth. Just talks about her 3 ugly, idiot sons. I see other people literally turn and quickly walk in the other direction to avoid her. How has she gone through life and never picked up on the fact that people hate talking to her?


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195,488 More creepiness from the internet. I sprained my ankle yesterday. I spoke to my husband about it in our house as I limped around all evening. Today in my inbox is a message "Sprained your ankle? We can help." It's a spam ad for some holistic herbal remedy.

Like what the heck? This isn't the first time I've said things in private to my husband and by the next day I received a related email.

I can only think a company is listening in while our phones are in our pockets because my husband and I didn't discuss it over the phone, only in person. But the phones were with us.


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195,487 My mom is a 65 year old fitness instructor, if you can believe that! She trains people a third her age. She wears a bikini to the beach and looks hotter than me and everyone else! Lesson: You can stay looking young with a little effort.


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195,486 I never knew how much hatred I have towards women until I started reading these secrets and hearing how rotten women are. Sorry, I know it is not all of you, but there are so many examples of women doing horrendous things that it has completely tainted my view.


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195,485 Sometimes people close to you want good things for you as long as it doesn't upset their own life.  People can get jealous if you find love or a new job or something because, well maybe now they look bad and you're not in the same boat anymore.  They don't wanna be alone in a situation.  Sometimes these people can be family members.  Probably not your parents or siblings, but it can be others.  Jealousies and everything.  Sad.


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195,484 I live next door to what must be the only ugly young Asian women in the world.

- white guy with a serious case of yellow fever and really bad luck


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195,483 This time of year is High school graduation time and I think back those 40 years to my high school days. There was one girl in our class that was down and out in the worse way. She wore hand me downs that looked terrible, barely had winter clothes and we needed them where i grew up and she did not smell good at all. At school events she always was alone off to the side with a couple of like friends, and we never saw her otherwise.She was treated horribly by my classmates. Never gave it a thought back in the day and I'm sure I was a part of it.
.
About 10 years ago I found out that her mother had passed away, her father had a failing hill farm, he was a drunk and she had 2 younger siblings that she was raising since her mother was gone. In the winter months they had no running water since the pipes bringing it in from the creek froze up. The family was living off the generosity of a church that took the family under their wing.This from the pastors daughter, one of my classmates.

However through the generosity of one person from that church she eventually get an LPN license, and then some years later a RN degree. Good for her that made me smile to learn. However I feel like shit for the way she was treated in high school.

Carol, I am so sorry for whatever I did back in those days. I never was aware of what you were going through. Glad you made it out.


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195,482 My wife and I have been married 20 years.  The romance in our marriage is gone.  That's her fault, really.  I try, but she's disinterested and has been for years.  My marriage is almost like a business where the product is our two teenage girls.

I look at our girls, our "business product."  Both are both highly intelligent, remarkably attractive, and well adjusted.

I think that's why my wife married me.  She saw a smart guy who wasn't too bad looking, and decided this would give her what she wanted - children with a head start in life.  She got what she wanted, now her "business partner" isn't as useful.


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195,481 I keep dreaming of you.  I can't wait to talk to you again.


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195,480 My secret. I once wrenched my back really bad. I laid down on the couch and couldnt move. After a bit I had to pee. I tried to get up but couldnt. I ended up peeing in my pants while laying on the living room floor.


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195,479 Double mastectomy: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.


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195,476 15 years ago I was in charge of IT for a small nonprofit.  I got the boss to install a partial T1 line for the business, which gave us 750kbs.  For a nonprofit in 2003 that was some hot shit.  Then I took some old computers that were waiting to be thrown out, removed all unnecessary programs that could slow them down, installed a file sharing program, and connected them all directly to the T1 line.  Soon I had three computers in my office on a partial T1 line dedicated to downloading porn around the clock.  Those were some good times.


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195,475 I really need to live somewhere that doesn’t require being dressed. My next bucket list item is to see how many days, consecutively, where I can be naked.


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195,474 Dead pool the first movie has the best lines... total relationship guidance


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195,473 Man, some of you seem to have really shitty wives/husbands/marriages.

My husband and I couldn’t be further from normal though. We started from a really bad breakup (me), and I just never was able to heal or move on, so this relationship has strained me multiple times.

I don’t want to be single. I like having someone to have dinner with, watch movies late at night with, travel with, do things with...but I can tell he and I are not a “forever” couple. We’re temporary, at best.
Don’t know how long we’ll be together. It’s been three years, one year married. He’s originally from another country, so I’m only just now meeting his relatives later this year.

Maybe that’s a waste of time too.


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195,472 It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
I've had several early-20s women tell me how frustrating it is to try and get a date, or just to find a random non-creeper guy to screw. They say they even like 'older' guys my age, then shy away when they get a hint of a flirt.
The funny thing is that these ladies agree with me, and even apologize, when I blame feminism for emasculating men. It's like they are upset about the lack of masculine men, but love having feminine men all around them.


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195,471 Last year you were doing NSFW activity, curious what you are up to this year?


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195,470 Sometimes I forget how lucky I am. My boyfriend is so loving and respectful to me, and the sex is only getting better after 4 years.
The thing is, I have slight anxiety issues, so there is always a part of me doubting our relationship and. What I do when I am in doubt is I read through our text messages and imagine how my life would be without him, and at this stage I don't think I could live without him. I'm balling my eyes out at the thought of him dying, and I have dealt with a substantial amount of deaths in my family, but I think that either him, my mom, or my grandma dying would just completely kill me on the inside.

How do we get rid of these anxiety issues people? It's easy to say to just focus on today, but in reality, it's hard. I have worked out today, met up with friends, was outside in the sun for a long, had a relaxing day while doing some work. But nevertheless, these thoughts keep hunting me. What else can i do? I don't think I can live any healthier than this.. Is this it then?


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195,468 Last week my wife and I had a conversation about her helping out more around the house.

Here's a list of things my wife said she would do this week to be helpful:

Plant some seeds in the garden
Take out the trash to the cans in the garage
Make dinner at least once
Vacuum up the coffee grounds she spilled under the kitchen counter
Clean her car



Here are the things she actually did from the list:



Here are the things I did from her list:

Plant some seeds in the garden
Take out the trash to the cans in the garage (x7)
Make dinner (x7)
Vacuum up the coffee grounds she spilled under the kitchen counter
Clean her car


Here are things she did for herself:

Yoga class (x4)
Running (x6)
Cycling(x3)
Swimming(x4)
Lunch with K
Drinks with A
Dinner with Sis
Coffee with S
Bought new biking clothes
Shopped at the health food store (x3)
Wine shopping for herself
Went to the beach (x2)
Napped (x7)



Here are the additional things I did:

Went to the dump
Mulched the yard
Mowed the yard (2+ acres)
Helped daughter write essay
Played board games with our kids
Helped kids study for finals
Weeded yard
Steam cleaned guestroom rug
Picked up kids from school (x5)
Paid bills
Laundry (x3)
Wrote a recommendation letter for HER friend
Worked at full time job



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195,467 My boss asks me to deleted photos from his phone. He takes so many duplicate photos. He runs out of memory space. Like he takes 20 photos of the same family event. I get to look through the pictures, decide which one is best and deleted all the others.

For one thing, why the fuck is this my job? If only the company knew they were paying for me to do this.

For another thing, what a fucking lazy prick. They're his family photos. I shouldn't be choosing which image from his daughter's birthday party is best. I shouldn't have anything to do with his personal photos.

And lastly, I went to college for this crap???????????


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195,466 Amazing the difference one year makes, funny to think of what I thought was important last year and now I realize how silly and selfish I was


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195,456 I miss you badly, I had the perfect woman willing to do anything for me and I pissed my chance away.  Hope you are happy and doing well.


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195,454 I know we're all supposed to think the Pacific is the greatest ocean---but actually the Atlantic rocks way more. All the surfing in the world can't compare to a weekend spent "down the shore."


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195,453 I no longer feel bad about fucking women other than my wife.  We haven't had sex for eight years, she won't kiss me first, and she'll barely touch me.  For years I have tried coming onto her, making comments about how sexy she is, touching her ass, etc.  Nothing back from her.  I don't feel bad anymore.


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195,452 Unpopular opinion buuutt .... maybe there’s a reason the bullied kids get bullied. They were always weird and impossible to get along with when I was a kid. There were the jackasses that bullied them and the rest of us who tried to be nice and get along with them only to realize they’re impossible. Sooo.... maybe instead of trying to solve school shootings by blaming the victims, adding more guns, taking away guns, or pumping up security, why not intervene on the weird kids before it’s too late? Kids are pretty good at identifying the weird kid pretty young, the one in my son’s class was certifiably impossible by 1st grade.


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195,451 Granted this is very immature on my part. In real life I'm much more proper.

I work from home. I have sat in the same desk chair for I don't know, I'll say 10 years. I'm pretty gassy because I try to eat lots of vegetables. This means I fart on average about 10 times a day. I do it while sitting in my desk chair. Each fart lasts say 2 seconds. That's 20 seconds a day of farting into the seat. That's like a 2 hour long continuous fart each year. Or 20 hours of a continuous fart over the lifetime of me sitting in that one chair.

The chair has a cloth seat. 20 hours of me farting into the cloth.

Ew.

I'd say it's about time I buy myself a new desk chair, wouldn't you...




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195,450 I'm looking forward to a weekend totally alone, I need the break from everyone and life.  Couple of bottles of wine, Netflix and some pool time....three days of not answering the phone, texting anyone or interacting with people....just silence


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195,449 I'm getting much better at saying Fuck no to people: *girl I haven't heard from forever contacts me " Hey Luv, could I get some cash for gas ?"
another girl contacts me "my daughter is selling pizza coupons  will u buy some?"
fuck no to both of you!


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195,448


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195,446 You can hurt me. But it will be temporary. If you cross the line where I have to choose, understand, you will lose.


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195,445 Yet another school shooting, what happened to the fist fight after school to settle your differences? Not advocating violence but it certainly is a better way to setty things than shooting up a school


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195,444 I'm a pretty simple guy, not really interested in material things.Like, next week's my birthday, & other guys my age might want a shiny new Harley, or a 'Vette.Not me - all I want is a box of tampons to shove up my ass.(Maybe a nice, refreshing douche.......)





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195,442 If you are selling merchandise on a selling site like Craigslist, I am not going to email you and ask how much your item is.  If you want to sell, list your price.  If it is not listed, I know you are hiding the price because you want too much.  For you, I move on and don't bother.  Waste your time if you want to, but you won't waste mine.  


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195,441 Love is when you whole heartedly dive into your partners weird kink... even when it involves popping balloons


Side note: love can also mean respecting your partner when they’re not into it

Anyways I’ll be popping balloons tonight. It’s unusual but if that’s my mans kink then it’s mine too. *pop*


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195,440 Whenever I'm trying to figure out how to treat someone I just imagine my father, ask myself what he would do, and then do the exact opposite. In this way he taught me far more than I care to admit.


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195,439 I wonder if the pregame to the birthday party is going to be the same as last year... pretty tough to top that.  Really left a lasting memory


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195,437


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195,436 First of all apologies for the length, but I have to get this out..
So this is a secret I could never tell my wife (it's at the end):

My mother in law has never been a nice person to me, my wife or kids. nothing major, just critical about everything and she seems to thrive when her kids are not getting along. I think she is jealous that I work hard and make good money and my wife works hard and makes good money. Her, her husband, and her oldest loser son live in one house. Noone has a job and they are all on prescription pain/nerve pills of one type or another.

MIL has been to the hospital several times for taking different kinds of pills to commit suicide. The doctors keep sending her home saying that she is ok. I think it's because she is poor and has no insurance. This last time (this past Monday) she caught herself on fire(to me the most painful way to go). The doctor's said that another minute or 2 and she would definitely be dead. Now she is in the hospital. Her husband, the loser son and the other son visited for an hour Monday afternoon and refuse to go back. When the doctor's call, my FIL will not talk on the phone, he puts the crazy loser on the phone every time. So now my wife has been up there everyday(it's Thursday now), we have been having to make all kinds of arrangements for or young kids(I still have to work)
The secret that I would never tell my wife: I think it might have been better if she have finished the job. I know it sounds terrible...and I feel bad about that but. She is 76 years old. She obviously doesn't want to be here anymore. She has had 2 surgeries so far and will have to have several more. She will never have a very good quality of life again. She will require more medicine, and therapies, and care, and some type of nursing home....which she can't afford. We have checked prices, and we are willing to help pay for them, there is no way we can afford them, they are so expensive. My wife blames herself, but she has tried and spent countless hors and thousands of dollars to get her help, but in the end she is always sent home. I think that as horrible as it is, it might have been better if she hadn't survived. And I just don't know what to do to help the situation.




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195,435 I love Parents trying to be cool to kids and their friends.  All that trying to be Hip, and your daughter is now on her 2nd baby before age 20! I see it all around me.
Kids walk all over you, and then do not respect you at all.


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195,434 I vividly remember my dad calling my mom a cunt.


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195,433 My son is in 5th grade. He plays the trumpet. It's his first year. He's using my old instrument. I used to play when I was in school. My son is, well, not very good at it yet. He reminds me of how bad I was when first starting out. But he tries hard and it makes me smile.

The other day he had his year-end school concert. He had to wear a tie. I went into my closet, dug around a bit, and pulled out a rather wide, rather tattered, blue tie with white polka dots.

I showed my son how to put it on his neck and make a proper Windsor knot.

My wife loudly objected. She said the tie looked outdated. I ignored her. I didn't want to explain, but the tie my son wore is the same tie I wore to my own elementary school concerts decades ago. It belonged to my father. It is the tie he put on my neck when first showing me how to make a proper Windsor knot. I wore this tie through dozens of concerts back then and I've saved it tucked away in the closet all these years knowing one day I'd pass it along to my son. That day has arrived.

I gotta say, he was looking pretty sharp in that old thing.


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195,432 In life, my wife wants to take everything for herself. It's why I'm going to divorce her. But with that in mind,  I can't imagine how difficult this divorce is going to be.


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195,431 I started down a dangerous path last year, I screwed up and thought only of myself and my desires.  How I wish I could teleport back to last year and stop myself from screwing up my life.  The allure of the taboo was to strong to resist, I'd like to think I know better now but the pull/desire/craving is so strong.
Living one minute at a time, every day


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195,430 I trying to see how many times I can jerk off in a day. I'm up to three.


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195,429 I'm dropping my son off at camp, due to the check in time and the three hour drive my wife decided it would be best if I stayed over night.  It is at the same hotel that I last had sex with my mistress.
She knows about the affair and we have worked thru it but I never shared the details....I have to wonder if she knows them and if this is a passive aggressive dig?


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195,428 I had a depressing dream.  I dreamt I was a kid again - even though I knew I was an adult in the dream -  and playing with another kid.  We were playing in the dirt pretending we were grown up. As the adult/child, I was remembering how easy it was to pretend as a kid that things would be okay as an adult.  But it didn't work out that way.


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195,427 So, I have never told anyone this, but my husband is into some weird stuff...well, I think it's weird..I guess I am kinda on here to see if other people think it's weird. He is into chasity. He wants to have me lock him up and keep the keys. He also gave himself a prince albert to help with the whole chasity cage thing. I never expressed interest in this to him at all. I did express to him that I get jealous of the thought of him masturbating, so he thinks that by doing chasity it will make me happy. The truth is this. I am a person with lots of anxiety..I take zolft for the anxiety and that medication can kinda kill the sex drive. So here I am with this husband that wants to do all of these kinky things and I have no sex drive. I don't know what to do? Also I don't know if his chasity/peircing ideas are normal? Are they?


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195,423 My mother is slowly dying and if she sees the end of the year I will be thankful for that. We didn’t talk for years because, well, she was horrible to me (and still is sometimes)- she’s just always angry & mean to me but sometimes can be kind. My secret: I’m not sure if I’m glad it’s over or going to be completely heartbroken- my guess is the latter. After all is said and done I still love her.


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195,422 I know several single / divorced adults in their 50s who are living under the same roof. Is this a new trend? They women I know best in the group says she was tired of owning her own house and paying for everything that went wrong. She was also tired of being alone. She says she's very happy living with like minded roommates. There is no sexual pressure at their age. No one is bringing home strangers. As roommates they go out a few times a month for dinners and movies. She says it's like a new life for her. And she saves a ton of money. I might have to look into this option.


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195,420 I binge a lot. Some days having a coffee from Starbucks or another cafe is the only thing I look forward to, and the only thing that can make me “happy”. I know. It’s pathetic. I have issues


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195,419 My wife comes from a very large family. Everyone is older now and all the siblings have married children. It turns out six of the nieces and nephews' wives are about to give birth. Everyone thought it weird so many are about to give birth on about the same day.

I checked back on the calendar. Nine months ago they had a 3 day long family reunion.

I didn't attend, but I'm thinking it was a little boring... and the younger people had fun on their own after going to bed!


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195,418 When I pick up sticks in my yard, and my neighbor isn't home, I toss the sticks into his yard.


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195,417 In my experience, I'd say 95% of women over 40 are a little chubby. It's not a complaint. But it suggests to me that if so many women are chubby, then women should stop worrying about their weight. It's not a big deal.


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195,416 I've been trying to convince my wife to get her nipples pierced. It would be cool. Also I want to see the piercing guy touching her boobs.


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195,415 Were you wearing your ring today?


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195,414 I'm so glad we are talking again. It really makes me smile to know things are ok.
Thank You.


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195,413 I often wonder if my ex kept all the puzzles we used to build together. Sometimes I’ll come across a similar one (to the ones we put together) at a thrift store, and my heart does a little jump. You were a wonderful experience, and I enjoyed having the patience to put a puzzle together in the first place.

Thank you, r.


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195,412 You can meet somebody tomorrow who has better intentions for you then someone you've known forever. Time does nothing. Character is everything.


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195,411 I see you have made up your mind to leave.


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195,410 Losing weight has been great.  But my face is looking weird because the excess skin has started to sag.  I’m looking like a bulldog.


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195,409 Here's a secret:  Induction cooking is the bomb!  For the past three years, I have relied on three induction units in my kitchen to cook.  When I bought this house, the kitchen wasn't wired for electric cooking and I would never use gas because i don't like black-burned pots and pans and open fires in my home.

Anyway, these cookers are so fabulous, I have all but forgotten about having my kitchen wired.  I would do it if i could afford a ridiculously expensive induction stove, which I can't.  If more people learned of induction and started using the technology, the price would go down.

If you get the opportunity, try induction cooking.  It doesn't heat your whole kitchen, it heats and boils water (and other stuff) much faster than even gas, it offers more precise temperature control than gas or conventional electric and it cooks food faster, with better results.  And it's neater and easier to clean.  Your pots and pans stay showroom new looking.  

Everyone, please go out and buy an induction range so the prices can come down and I can afford a fancy new one!

Thank you!


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195,408 "How dare you give the dog a treat! I told you not to. How dare you disobey me! He'll die if he eats treats. He'll get fat. His heart will give out. You are killing him by giving him a treat."

I'm killing the dog by giving him a dog biscuit? Is this common knowledge that dog treats kill dogs? Does Purina know?

I hate my control freak wife. Why do some women behave this way?


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195,407 The other night I was laying in bed, going to sleep. I remembered that my nephew's HS graduation is next month. The thought ran through my head "I hope there's no gunfire."

I didn't sleep that night.


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195,406 I married my husband so I could be on his health insurance.


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195,405 I'm skinny/athletic with medium sized nice tits. I wish they were big though. I would always look erotic as fuck.


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195,404 Naked campus runs should be banned. These kids don't realize what they are doing. There are too many cameras these days. The naked images will be out there forever. Schools need to protect these students from themselves.


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195,403 Yesterday I almost got hit by a bus. Oops. When something like that happens, you usually experience a few minutes of panic where your heart races and you breathe heavily and you need to calm down.

I didn’t experience that at all. I was surprised to find I felt a brief second of disappointment that I didn’t die.

I’m not suicidal, but I think it might be time to re-evaluate my life.


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195,402 The secret about Ivy League universities.

Yes, they offer a great education

Yes, you make fabulous connections with the upcoming movers and shakers.

But the real secret? They are free.

There are plenty of parents who down play the Ivies. They say it's not worth it. I'm not trying to be mean. But these are the parents of the B students. Their child will not be getting into an Ivy, so the parents put down these top notch schools, saying it's not important, that any college will do.

But what those parents don't understand is that Ivy schools cost nothing to the average family.

Sure, if you make $1 million a year, you have to pay full tuition. But for the rest of us with normal salaries, the Ivies have such large endowments that your child can attend at no cost.

So you can pay $60,000 a year for a mediocre private college. Or you can pay $30,000 for a middling state school.

Or you can study your butt off in high school, get into an Ivy, and pay $0 for the best education possible.

Parents don't write off the Ivies while eating sour grapes. Convince your child to work hard. Set the bar high, Go for the Ivy. It is life changing.


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195,401 I honestly don't mind ending my life. I don't want to make a fuss about it tho. Like I don't want to traumatize anyone finding my body. I don't want there to be a mess. I don't want people to walk into my bedroom for the next 50 years knowing someone killed herself there.

I have a plan tho. I want to get into the local morgue. I've been in there before for a school project. It's possible to get in late at night with no one knowing.

Then I'll take off my clothes and climb onto tray, cover myself with a sheet and close myself into the cooler. I'll then take a bottle of pills and die peacefully.

By a few days later, when they find me, the morgue workers will scratch their heads wondering whose body that is. It will be a mystery as to who put the body there and why is there no paperwork. It would be kind of funny.


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comments: 4

195,400 Damn it, I think I'm in love with you. (facepalm)


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