I know I can do this, I just need a chance.
That's a secret to everyone, including myself!

There are times when I would love to rip your throat out and watch you bleed to death. There are also times that I just want to snuggle up against you and go to sleep.
In retrospect, I suppose it's a good thing we're getting a divorce.

When I told my wife I was divorcing her because she is too self centered, does only what she wants, when she wants, and spoils herself rotten with my money.... she immediately went out and got herself a pedicure.

See what I mean.

a girl told me her room mate at collage is a hypocondriac, and a baby, this has her out of the dorm as much as possible, its not that she can't stand the other girl, its that she has no sympathy for that kind of BS. I told her to make the girl grow up. So you could catch mono from a water fountan, big whoop, there are ways to prevent that. So you are emotional? I care why? My freind has a very careing heart, she made me grow up, and has this nack for making perfect sence. I told her to tell the girl off, she will fix any damage she has. My reason for this is pity, that girl is in collage not kinderrgarten, not everyone is going to give a damn that she is emotional, and not everyone is going to bend their life to fit in with hers. the roomie needs to realize that she is ill prepared for life, that is a scary thought

The one who pitys the unprepared

I hate how people are lusting after someone and claiming "I love him/her!". In this day and age all we do is look for the next best thing, the new and improved way to do things. now it shows more and more that love has been affected by this too! The divorce rate has grow dramaticly in modern society. Anyone wonder why? Love used to be a treasured thing, now it is downgraded in to some sick obbession with what love should be, how it should be, what should happen, that has been steadly mixed with our infatuation with perfection of the body, makeing it easy to ignore the flaws a person may have in their heart. Many people fallow a script hand written by the modern film industrty. I have heard so many complements about how my "Relation ship is perfect! and "You wish that your guy was as good as mine" how I "Make love look so easy" Its not, we are not up each others ass all the time, we COMMUNICATE, we don't hide any thing and if we have a problem we bring it to the surface and solve it. Its hard, its terrifying! I have told him things I have kept in my heart for months! It was scary, knowing that he could break me with the knowedge of my life. TRUST, honest to god trust is what keeps this relation ship so well together, that and the fact we both have our goal and dreams, we don't spend the night at each others home, we do eat dinner toegether several time a week, not out at a resurant either. We treasure the time we spend together. Yes, it is hard to fall asleep sometimes, beacause we want to be held by each other. Yes, he has cried in frount of me, no I do not think its "wimpy" it proves he has a heart. You want what I have? Work for it.

you have been here since memorial day new girl.  your vacation is over!!! stop complaining about you being busy when you are busy surfing the internet!!!  loser! i am hip to you and crying won't make anyone feel sorry for you they just don't want you to quit.  moron.  i did 10x more than you and i never broke down like you.  weak, weak girl. i guess that is why i got promoted.

He disappeared out of my life when I was 17. I am 31 and he has come back. So much has changed but to see his face again just confirmed my mad love for him. I am in a relationship with someone else and I'm not sure if my blast from the past feels the same way I do. I would leave my current relationship to be with him. No doubt in my mind.

I wonder if you think of me as I think of you.
I am trying to figure out if I am the one who can't let go of my connection to you, or do you feel the same?
It is okay if you don't as I would never want you to feel that you had to say yes just to make me feel better.  Truth is always better for me, as hard as it can be.
I am not sure why this has come up in my mind...I guess I often wonder if our connection will just fade away over time or will it be something that never leaves me.

Idk.. What to think anymore I fight with myself all the time about you. Yes you're madd sexy and you know how to lay it down. But were both married we may not be 100% happy with our spouse's but who is? I'm forever thinking about you and the things we do, I just wish that I could let it/ us go. At the end of the day is just the attraction we won't ever really be together.

My secret is that I need to be an be loved. I can't decide if it's a flaw or an attribute.

i need to get laid..... but not by my husband.  i need something new.  i am a Gemini and i get restless and bored with the same shit.  i know i'm a loser.

i very-well may turn to being the town mattress as a means of getting over my recently-deceased 3 1/2 year relationship....

either that or wallow in depression.

which is worse?

I saw my ex ywesterday, shock, and fear made me ignore him. He was infrount of a coffee shop I hadn't been to since we broke up. My favorite coffee shop. I Gripped my current guys hand tighter when I felt his eyes on me. It was like I could feel this anger, or jelous in his eyes. We stopped at one more store, then finished up our date. I am over all of that realationship, but my ex scares me to my core. Yet I can't find a reason why.....

i wish i knew who i was

You're the most beautiful enigma I've ever known. If I could guard my heart from you, I would...No, who am I kidding? I couldn't. Take me. Please.

Is it weird to want to be the helpless submissive one in the relationship sometimes?

Can't you just cut the gentleman crap, man up, and be assertive for once? I know you act the way you do in an attempt to please me, but if you could just pin me to a wall or throw me on a bed or something else that displays that you can't repress your physical dersires when you're around me, we'd both be better off.

I'm in love with you!

...But that doesn't me I don't wish you were different.

Now I lay me down to sleep... I pray out of my dreams you keep.

I'm so excited to be beginning my anorexic diet.

I miss being younger- My early twenties, up to about 26.

Back then, I really still had hope. I don't so much anymore. I'm just getting old.

Wake n bake.  420 break.  Unwind from the day smoke.  Bedtime smoke....I guess there's really no time I don't enjoy some weed.  Wonder if I'll ever give it up.  I'll be some old granny sitting on the porch lightin' one up, yeah, that'll probably be me.  Retired and chillin!

A lie burns into my heart like a branding iron to flesh, crackling, burning, searing,
Until cold water is called for, to ease the pain.  
It's my lie that scars my heart and mars my mind, and stones my stomach, and makes my capillaries drain.
It drips like decadent poison from my lips in excruciating ecstasy.
Morality cannot repress the victory of a successful lie.
Lying is like seducing the fools in your wake into blissful falsehood that they won't deny,
or even question and ask why?
I do not love you, I never will.
I do not hold romance for anyone, cold as the water thrown to soothe the burning.
When burning is all i have.
I lie to myself. You love me, i wish. You want me, i dream. And the flames begin to lick my heart as it turns in eternal rotisserie.
Fire and Ice with no calm waters in between, I dance on coals and shiver my chattering bones.
Whiskey on the rocks, sir, until I am too drunk for thought, for spark, for hope of repair.
SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME?!?
How strange it is that these thoughts are only my own.
For my greatest lie is that none of this is known.

Remember when we were friends, when you couldn't stand to see me sad or upset, especially when it was because of you.

What happened to that? What changed? I wish we could just cut the bullshit and figure it out. I want you, or I want to be able to move on.

What's sad is that I know that we will hook-up again soon despite it all, because we try something new every time and every time it gets a little bit worse. Why can't you just let me love you and love me in return? It's that simple

My husband whines about not getting enough sex. I'd give him some but it's far more enjoyable to hold out and watch him pout. Men are such immature jerks.

If he asks you out. I will scream. You are an ugly ass bitch and so it'd be unreasonable for him to even think about you in that way. I don't even know why'd he'd ask you for help, you are about as dumb as a box of rocks and I'd know because I have been able to do better than you in every area you specialize in even though my major is way totally different than anything you've tried. Not to mention hello look at your gpa. If he's going to you for tutoring than he has to be the dumbest person on the planet.

I wonder why I like shooting my load in women's faces.

I have taken the virginity of 3 girls so far this semester.  Is one of them your daughter?

I wish they'd throw the book at Serena Williamns.  I am so tired of these "super stars" acting like spolied babies.  They should ban her from the sport for life.  She should be arrested for physically threatening a referee.

It will never happen though.  She'll get away with it with only a slap on the wrist.  The tennis groups need her to bring in the crowds.  Money talks.  Disgusting.

when I was dating my ex he was EXTREMELY straight-edge and wouldn't touch any type of drug.  

It makes me really sad to find out that since I broke up with him he's been doing drugs of all sorts, including herion, and is slowly becoming addicted...

Every time I meet a guy I try and the follow the rules. You know all the stupid rules from "He's just NOT that into you". How about FUCK the rules. If you like someone tell them. Whats with all these STUPID ANNOYING GAMES!!! You know Trix are for kids?? So are games!! Im so tired and annoyed from all these bullshit things. Hey GUYS..stop being PUSSIES and be a MAN!!!!! Be HONEST with us & yourself. Maybe for once in your life you will feel better.
Otherwise..IM OUT!!!

I thought about becoming a lesbian, but its all the same shit there too!! HOLY CRAP!! I really should just marry my dog..but he has no money,no job & theres no sex!! Im OUT AGAIN!!! aagggghhhhhhhhhh

I think people are stupid.

The truth is, i wish i had one.

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I can't handle all the stress and responsibilities anymore.  I seriously feel like I'm going to have a breakdown.

42/F

If I can't talk to my husband then who the hell can I talk to?

:*(

i like this guy who ikes me back i am married he is not why?

I'm scared that I may have multiple sclerosis. Lately I've had a few isolated occurences of numbness in my hands and feet, and have been awefully fatigued in the past few months. I'm scared to find out---I've had cancer once before and it took me 5 years to beat. I'm not sure I can beat this. :(

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I wish I was a Titan.

There is a 7th grade boy in my town with cancer. I of course feel bad for him and his family.  Here's the thing though. Our town installed an artificial turf field at the boy's school a few years ago.  Some of us in town tried to point out these fields could potentially cause cancer. Plenty of research to show it is possible. And now here is this good kid who is quite athletic.  He has undoubtedly played on the artificial field. Sure enough he comes down with cancer.  Is it related?  Cause and effect?  I don't know.  But it sure makes me wonder.

The sporty parents around here, they were so nasty when we tried to point out the fields might cause cancer.  All they could think about was having a shiny new field to play on.  They scoffed at the idea that the field might hurt their own children.  They accused us of trying to spoil their fun.

Now one of their kids has cancer.  How fun is that?

Secret:  People lose sight of what's important.  They think short term.  They think selfishly.  They believe bad things only happen elsewhere to other people.  They are so wrong.

You want an ironic twist?  There is going to be a sports fundraiser to help the boy's family pay for some medical bills.  Where is it taking place?  On the artificial turf field of course.

I am happy ~ just cause I am!!

I'm really starting to like you. I like talking to you, I like being around you and laughing with you. Sometimes I think you like me too, but we've been in positions that would be optimal for you to make a move and you haven't, so then I question myself. Maybe you are just being nice. I don't want to ruin our friendship by being too forward. I'm casually dating someone else, but when I'm with him I think about you. I try to focus on him because I know he wants me and I'm not sure about you, but I haven't been able to lately. I've even ditched him to hang out with you.

I wonder if you will read this and wonder if it's about you.  

If you like me, I hope you do something about it.

My husband is driving me insane. He never shuts up, never stops acting like an 8 year old, never stops screaming in my ear. Never sits still, never just chills. Never lets me think quiet thoughts. Never lets me just be alone. He's in my face, in my face, IN MY FACE!!! And I just wish he'd go away and find somebody else's ear to scream into. I need a man who wants me even when I'm quiet, so we can sit in the dark and just love each other sometimes. It doesn't have to be nonstop action, sometimes the best action is no action at all...

I hate how my husband defines me by my physical looks and not by what I have to offer on the inside.  I strive to be a warm, loving, strong woman with substance, drive and grace. When he talks to his friends about me, he never speaks about what I do with my time and life, but discusses my physical features and what I am wearing.

I am guessing that if I gained 20 pounds or lost my looks that he would talk about how pretty I used to be.

My life is filled with so many important and interesting things.  I feel like my friends know and appreciate me more than my husband.

It makes me sad to think that I will grow old with him. I want to be appreciated and respected in my marriage and I am continuing to realize that he will never change.

I just want to be happy. Even just once, just for a second.

I'm 28. I just discovered I can't hear frequencies above 14.5kHz anymore. This is a result of being forced to take loud, screechy trains for years, even with earplugs. I'm a producer and musician. My career is over before it ever began. I will never be able to hear music the same way again. It will only get worse from here. I really don't know if there's any point to living anymore.

I just want to be gone.

All the friends who I thought cared about me actually don't.
I fight for myself all the time and nobody stands up for me.

I don't want to worry my parents.
I don't want to hurt their feelings.

If I could die, it would be so easy. Even as a dead person, I'd worry about my parents and tearing their lives apart.
I would never be able to do it.

So in the meanwhile, I'll hurt myself in a way they'll never realize it happening.

Last night I watched as one of my best friends mounted and fucked my wife.  I sat on the couch and watched them fuck for nearly an hour & realized that she came a LOT for him and she doesn't really do that for me.
He finished by cumming in her pussy, and she's not on any protection.
How 'bout them apples?

It still has me hard tho - maybe she'll do it again tonight with someone else...

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i realised this morning i am actually excited about what life has to offer me.

the shock nearly killed me.

:-D

I like it rough.
Even when kissing, I am dominant and I manhandle others.
I have to remember to be gentle, when playing Spin the Bottle and other games with friends.
I wish that someone would dominate and manhandle me, but no such luck... :/

I feel ya. Let's start a club :(

No matter what, I know I'm always going to be the weird one. I've come to accept that there's just something off about me that I can't fix. I don't want to look in from the outside for my entire life.

I feel like I am falling right back into life as I knew it with my self-centered husband.  I should have marked it on a calendar to see how many days passed when it was not all about him. When I think about it, most of those days were spent apart from him so he wasn't able to control my time, for lack of being in the same physical place.  Lately, I think he takes advantage of the fact that my mind is preoccupied with other things in order to do things that he wants.

A friend called me this morning with a great invite which would have been a welcome break to my stressful life lately and he uses the old "don't you remember I told you I had plans today?"  Wtf?  He has been gone for 3 days, I give up a special night with my friends last night to be with his friends and now he tells me that he has plans today and that I can't go with my friend.

Sometimes I think he just makes up excuses because he is jealous of my friendships and he doesn't want to see me go have fun without him.  He always thinks of himself first instead of thinking about my feelings and needs.

When will I learn.  I really need to take better control of my life.

I'm an avid reading of FML (secret number one.)
It's terrible that on almost every submission, I read almost every comment. (secret number two.)

But my real secret is that because of those comments, I've recognized how cruel people can be.

Just when I was about to give up on you you give me one of the most exciting make-out/fuck sessions we've ever had.

I just wish I knew how to read you better.

A couple of things I have been contemplating lately...

1. I need to make some more friends. I have been in this city for 2 YEARS, and I still have very few friends of my own. A lot of the people I hang around with day-to-day are people I met through my boyfriend, and most of them are guys. I need more girlfriends! More people who actually want to go out and do stuff instead of just sitting around all the time!
It's hard because when I was in highschool and my first couple of years of college I was ALWAYS going out, meeting up with friends, going to their houses, on the phone, etc., but when I moved I moved away from all those people and places in search of new experiences which I feel sadly that I have not found yet. It is very lonely for someone like me who is used to being in the middle of a large social network.
I don't really understand it either considering that I am still in college, although I don't live close to campus anymore. I am there all the time and around other people my age who are probably nice people, but in the year I have been at this school I have made a total of 1 friend from my classes. Jeez...I am a loser.


2. I am a little overwhelmed with trying to incorporate all the interests I have and all the things I want to be as a person into my life. I feel like I just want to know and do and be and experience everything I possibly can, so where do I start? Also, I have such high expectations of myself that it is almost an obsession. I write and re-write, and spend HOURS and HOURS on the simplest assignments just because I am obsessed with doing everything perfectly. I can make a 99 on a test and still be pissed that I missed that one question.
Needless to say, this can be tiring and time-consuming. Lately I have noticed this having an effect on my self-image. I skipped class the other day because I was dead tired. I didn't even miss anything, but I felt SO guilty that I skipped. I feel like nothing is fun anymore. I get so bored with everyone around me. Doing the same shit every day...but I have no idea what to do about it.

I think I may be depressed : (

I LIKE GIRLS I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH A GIRL I WONDER WIN I KISS A GIRL I WILL SEE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO KISS A GIRL I WILL FIND OUT

I am drunk and high on adderall. I am concerned because I don't remember the majority of my night. I know I went to a friend's house... but I don't remember when or why I left. I came back here and was immediately thrown into an ongoing party. I don't remember most of the night. Which is a problem, because I studied for a test for a lot of the day. Now I don't remember it really at all.
I think I had sex with my boyfriend... sort of... I don't know... wtf...

I barely know you and we fight every time we talk, but my God..it's almost like you're perfect. How is this possible? Please don't end up being like the others. We've been texting and talking for almost three days straight. The only time we haven't talked is when we were asleep. I'm so scared of getting hurt again. You don't seem like the type that would but please, be careful with me. I want to tell you this so badly but I don't know how you would react. I think I'm falling for you. Hard. <3

i shouldn't be jealous because i love the one i am with but i cannot help it

I don't think I can do this anymore.  You won't leave her side.  I wish you well though I know it's going to be misery for you.  Your choice.  Hope it's worth it.

My husband let my nieces know that I was hurt that they blew off my birthday.  I have been there cheering on every single celebration of their lives since their births, fourteen and sixteen years ago.  They told him it was my problem I was upset--they had their own stuff to deal with.  Fair enough.  But I do, too...more than they realize.  And I've still never, ever forgotten them.  It makes me sad that I'm that disposable.  I thought I was really something in their lives.

I don't know whether to pull back or keep going as I always have.  I don't know if it matters.

Yes, I let her have it!  No holds barred, I went straight for the juggular that day and let loose.  I killed the friendship, apparently.  I spoke the truth that built up and she couldn't handle it, so since you didn't call like you said you would....FUCK YOU TOO, I'M SO THROUGH WITH YOU!  And it feels good not hear your bullshit drama....diva wannabe queen.  I won't give you the satisfaction of control.  I could've apologized, but sadly you couldn't.  You truly are an insecure, jealous woman.  Humble yourself, you're like the rest of us, unique in your own way, but still nobody special.  

Oh, if only I had some pics with you and the stripper in Vegas!  I wish you could've put those in the scrapbook for your husband too so you could've showed him the man you let eat your cooch and slip it in before you got married!

GOOD LUCK & GOODBYE!

i always fantasize about killing my grandmother...some times i wish i could actually do what i think about...DAM THE LAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i've always been the one people come to with their problems. I reached out and now no one talks to me. i feel like there isn't a soul in this world who actually cares about me. Some days I think I should just walk out and never look back. No one would notice and maybe a new place would be the best way to start all over. But i know in my heart i won't ever do anything i'll just take the abuse and keep my mouth shut. it's always been that way.

i swore i'd never cut again....but does that promise still count when you refuse to talk to me?

This girl asked me for my number cuz her sister wanted it... I said no cuz i dont even know who the fuck her or her sister are!!! Anyways, the point of the story is that it makes me feel wanted, that someone does think im cute... I wish she couldve got the guts to ask me her own damn self... i might have given to her then, if i liked her of course...

you're soooooo cute.
can we skip this awkward phase already and go to the fun stuff?
i feel like we're both to scared to move.
well i'm about to.

I feel so comfortable around you. When we're together everything is so simple, but not. But you have a girlfriend now. And you're leaving the country for a few months soon. But now I found out that you asked a friend of ours to bring me with her when she was going to visit you. You never asked me to visit, so I don't know what to make of it. You act, what seems to me at least, kind of flirty when I did see you. What do you want from me? I like you okay? Just please tell me what you want from me, whether to just be friends or to try being together, but please let me know so I know where I stand and what I should do. I know I'm not in love with you, but I like you a lot. I felt so safe when you held me. Please tell me what I am to you. And soon.

I love him, I really do.
I've never felt more safe, more at ease, more free than when I am with him.
He's completely real, he holds nothing back, and neither do I.

The best feeling in the world isn't love, or peace, or happiness.
It's when you can be with someone and feel totally and utterly complete.
It's not when you never argue and yell.
It's when you're fighting and pissed off at each other, you know that they're still going to be there in the end.
It's not about butterflies and glassy eyes,
It's about knowing that you can fuck up and hurt them and run and cry and fight and they'll still love you unconditionally.

I'm at that point, and I'm ready to live my life with this boy.

We make a plan to meet up at 8 at night. Knowing how flakey you are I try to cover all the bases.  I look up the weather.  It's not going to rain.  You cancel at silly things like this.  I look up the wind.  None.  I look up the temp.  Mild.  Everything looks good for liftoff.  I even point out it's going to be dark at 8 o'clock.  You say it's not a problem.

8 o'clock comes around. I show up.  You don't.  I call you.  You say it's dark outside.  I point out we discussed this.  You said it wouldn't be an issue.

Your response?  Yes, but you didn't realize it would be sooo dark.

You are freaking 45 years old.  You didn't realize it was going to be SOOOOO dark.  What, is the boogie Man going to get you?  Just get away from me okay.  I am so done with you.  You are insane.  Go away and never contact me again.  Weirdo.

I am my own person.

I have my own life.

I don't need you to govern me.

My secret?

I wish I could go postal, and you could never talk to me again.

Oh, you are going to change your ways and be a better person.  Good for you.

But say, how about those 6 years of my life you fucked up?  Can I have them back please?

Honestly, I do love you. I want to be with you. I just can't get over quite a few things about you.

i wish my parents didn't care as much as they do.

I have been having a bad day/month/summer. I don't know if it is because of the medication I am on, or because I really don't like it here. I wish someone would call me and make it better.

Tammy, you are absolutely beautiful! I always thought you were completely gorgeous, but WOW, you just get better all the time.

I had a really bad day. Just as I was about to cut, you called to say you loved me. Thank you.

I really just want to be in love.

I'm lonely.

in the begining i only went out with you cause i just needed somebody to love. i knew i would break up with you before school started cause i didn't want to start school with everyone knowing i would go out with someone as ugly as you are.

but you dumped me after a week.

now i see how beautiful you truely are and i want you back. its been over a month and i can't get over you. you are amazing and i never stop thinking about you. and now i don't know if what i thought was the worst i ever had is the best and last thing i'd ever have or if im just being stupid and should just move on..

baby i miss you so much.. <33

I'd rather hold out for fate and end up waiting a million years for you,into and beyond eternity, just holding onto the dream of what we could be together, WOULD be together, if only either one of us wasn't a mortal coward, frightened of our own shadow and frightened of this concept of an unshakeable love. I do love you. Completely, absolutely, totally. I see your flaws, I see your strengths, but most of all I see...you. I've never loved before, I was always too afraid, but I'd give anything to have one moment alone with you.

Or a lifetime...the choice is yours.

I masturbated to that stranger I added on FaceBook for Mafia Wars again.  This is the third time this week.  I wish he had more information on his page.  Just something to let me know if he lives within a few hours of me.

If he did I would be SO tempted to follow him someplace private and just start initiating sex.  No talking, no foreplay, just sex.  Then leave.  I don't want to know anything about him. :)

He looks like a total gaming dork.  So my type of bang.

30-something female

i think you and everyone else in this world are beautiful. i hold love for everyone i know and meet. i just dont act like it, because i can also see all the bad. and i just focus on that.

i love checking u out while u sit across from me at my desk, if u only knew the thoughts that go thru my head. best part is when u walk away and i get the best look of ur azzzzzzzzzzz!!!!

After having done mushrooms, my fears have re-arranged themselves.  I'm not afraid of what comes after death, but the transition itself.  I keep comparing it to a tattoo or getting a piercing.  Is it long and painful, short and like a bee-sting, only for when it's over you're happy and at peace?  You look back on your transition to death and then shrug, saying, "It wasn't so bad."  After mushrooms, I've considered every perspective of death from Christian, pagan, to atheistic.  The best part about atheists saying we turn into nothing is that scientists haven't found nothing.  Our consciousnesses may disperse, but in the perspective of watching, feeling your consciousness disperse must be awe-striking and beautiful, yet frightening to watch.  Atheists, you may have a more beautiful perspective than you think.  In becoming nothing, you become everything at once.  You are unwoven and re-woven back into the fabric of the universe.  Beautiful, beautiful.

The other thing that I'm afraid of is that after having a bad trip on mushrooms, is that I'll be kidnapped off the streets and someone will either give me mushrooms or LSD, then drop me off in a city somewhere and tell me that I have to try to find my way home now.  That's somehow scarier than death to me.

I wish we could still talk.  So many necessary stories to tell.  Some sad, some funny, always interesting when shared with you.

I feel like we are being held prisoners against our will.

I'm doing everything I can to make coming to visit you this summer possible.
I don't know if you're serious, but I am.
I'm terrified that I'll be different than you think I am.
Or you'll be different than I think you are.
Or...
I'm just scared.

You annoy me. I don't even know if I can stand being friends with you much longer.
But you make me feel good about myself, and I know I can tell you anything.
And I know it'd break your heart if I stopped talking to you.
Sometimes I wish I could just stop faking it. But then I'd be alone.

Im begining to notice why everyone leaves me. You seem so happy with your new boy friend...i dont wanna ruin it for a second, i still think about you everyday.

Good-bye

Devastating. Shocking. Heartbreaking.
These are just a few words to describe it all.

All that is happening is a true test, like none I have faced before. One that will not break me down, but hopefully make me stronger.  The only way to be is strong, positive and fiercely supportive.  I am doing my best, although my tough shell feels like cracking sometimes.

I have realized that so many things are out of my control, so I am trying to take control of what I can in life.  

Thank you for continuing to be my friend...at least in spirit. You still give me strength.  No one can take that away.

Either she has sex with me tonight or it is over.

All I really wanted was some sort of praise or approval for the things I did right. I never got that. Rare occurrence in my life. I guess it's a bit selfish of me though. But I can't help it. I see other people who seem to get it all. What am I doing wrong? And then on the other hand, I see people who have problems in their life, but manage to be happy. I admire them so much. Rarely complaining, working things out on their own... And I know it must be so difficult for them to keep it in. They care so much for others. They put others first and they hardly get mad when things don't go their way... I want to care for others. But I find so difficult to overlook their faults especially when they are inconsiderate toward others. I feel like they don't deserve as much kindness as they get... What to do, what to do...

You have a drinking problem.  I'm sure you dont even contemplate someone as perfect as you could be flawed.  Pity you'll die all alone, drunk no question.

I need help.

So many times, a person commits suicide, and everyone around them says, "I wonder why they did it?  They had so much to live for."

When my time comes, which will be soon, hopefully people will know the answer.  They'll know that I'm broke, that my career has been destroyed, that I gave up a relationship that meant everything to me for the sake of rebuilding things at home for the kids, and that in the end, I didn't even have my friends to turn to because they were nowhere near me.  They should know, if they don't already, that I've rounded the corner between fighting back and accepting the disaster that my life has become...but they should also know that I've never been one to accept anything for very long.  I'd rather die than live like this, if you can call it living.

I hope God and my kids forgive me.  I'm not really concerned about anyone else.

Just when i was starting to like you....

I've put on so much weight and I didn't realise it!
Im just back from Spain and I just saw the pictures which are now all over facebook and I feel like digging a hole and never coming back out!

I want to be kidnapped or tortured. I want to be so severely battered that I have to fight for my life on a hospital bed. I want broken bones, scars and bruises. Infact I dream of this, I dream of being hurt...

Why, you ask?

Cause I want to know if you'll care about me when I'm hurt, I want to see if you'll be scared that I could die. I want you to be angry that someone has hurt me. But mainly; I want you to need me.

my heart is not for rent.