i get paid to take ppls tests

lying to ppl makes me feel better

i can see you throwing everything away from me from one conversation and the daily footprint.
i see it happening.
but that's because she's not home.

i honestly believe hitler was a genius. its somewhat indisputable with the advances in technology and mainly medicine he has saved more lives with his medical discoveries than he took savagely and its still growing by millions a year. yes he did horrible things, but his overall goal was, in my mind, right. the perfect race= a better mankind. except instead of killing jews, kill all mankind that rapes, murders and "some" violent crimes. if, in any event, we cant completely prove it was them, then they can go to prison. but proven guilt? get rid of them. also kill people on welfare that shouldnt be one welfare... quit bleeding the nation and sucking the hard workers dry. kill the low lifes. if ur iq is less than 100 by 21, kill em.

and this one esp. goes out to all the cavecanum.com secret tellers. if u cheat on someone, u should get ur dick cut off if ur male, and fucked at least 50 insertions with a 12" rambo knife if female. but look on the bright side. you dont die!

our society is fucking pathetic. weve become elite scabs to earth. fuck. just live ur lives right. i am included in all this

I think I love you.
But I won't say it, until you do.
I can wait. :)

I really have nothing to say anymore. I give up.

deleted

i want a boyfriend!!!!!!!!!

I wish there was some kind of anticaffeine drink you could take when you wanted to chill. Legal, I mean. If there is matter and antimatter, why can't somebody come up with anticaffeine?

My husband quit eating red meat in high school to impress classmates at his expensive private school (people like Paul Newman's daughter, Charles Bronson's daughter,  and other spawn of Hollywood royalty.) After we first married, it was nothing but chicken and fish. When I went to his 10 year reunion with him, his classmates were dismissive and rude to us, because he was one of the few who actually had to work instead of living off a fat trust fund.  I was furious that my husband had been avoiding meat for over a decade to impress these snots. I had also just found out that I had a bad case of iron-deficient anemia.
Since then, I have been feeding my husband beef, pork, and ham and telling him it's "turkey". It is so easy--"turkey" meatloaf, "turkey" ham, "turkey" cutlets, "turkey" enchiladas, "roast turkey", "turkey" stroganoff, "turkey" loin roast, "turkey dogs", "turkey" bologna, "turkey" sausage, spaghetti and "turkey" meatballs, "turkey" teriyaki.........Sometimes I pour beef gravy onto his plate just for the heck of it.
I have been doing this for 15 years now and he is none the wiser. He does, however, think I am the best cook in the world. My anemia has gone away too!
My husband's favorite food is pork chops and he has no idea! He never will, either. My entire family, including my college age son, is in on the secret, but their lips are sealed. 10 years of nothing but chicken and fish was enough for me!

The man I will love like no other is getting married to someone else this week. I hope he knows how deeply I love him and how sad I am that we cannot be together. She is a wonderful woman and I wish them the most wonderful of lives together despite it all.

I know of a secret that can change humanity in a blink of an eye. Oh what governments would pay to know this secret... But I will never share it. Unless I feel the time is right. I suppose all I can do for now is wait. Watch. Or take this secret into my own hands, and use it to start the world anew. I'll have to meditate on this....

My greatest fear is that I do not appareciate enough the wonderful, selfless and unprompted things you do every day to make me happy. My second greatest fear is that before the end comes, I will have not shown you just how much I love you and what an amazing person you really are. Never, ever doubt yourself. You are worth so much more than you realise.

My husband told me that he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore because of things I've said during fights I've forgotten about.  He said jerking off to porn is easier and emotionless.  He claims he's still attracted to me.  It's been a very long time since we've been intimate.  I'm ashamed because my self-esteem and sense of intimacy and sexuality barely exists anymore.  I'm lonely in my marriage and find myself considering suicide.  I cry every morning after he leaves for work.  Sometimes, I don't go to work.  I'm afraid to make eye contact with other men because I fear that it will lead to something.

Kyle I love you but I cant take you being an ass anymore. U say u love me then contridict that with all your actions. IM DONE FOR GOOD THIS TIME!
-Brianne

what's better than sitting across the table from someone, and talking about nothing but how much you love each other..

sigh... i miss it.

Im so lucky to have this beautiful girl sitting beside me right now. I even like watching her watch this movie that im not getting...yeah..shes that beautiful =))

Every time I head out of town, my husband makes a point of making my life as difficult as it can be right up until the moment I walk out the door.

Seriously, I think he likes to upset me and make me cry. I think it makes him feel powerful.  I am exhausted by it all.

i'm too insecure for this.

i love and miss blaze so much

Global Living:bool

While Living
   Suffer(Suffer(Suffer(Suffer())));
   Print "HEY!  I'M A STRONG PERSON YEHHHAAAW!"
Wend

self.Destruct()
End

I can do anything better than you.  I know this.  Unfortunately I can do anything better than myself.  This simple fact hinders my ability to actually take any action on anything.  I know my work will be sub-par because I could do it better.

I'm fucking destined to be a critic.

All I can say is WOW...I am so realizing that your love is only knee deep where my is a black hole! With that we can never be because your love comes with conditions. WOW!!!

My husband's passive/aggressive behavior leaves me totally exhausted. My very "ME" has been sucked right out of me.

Why did I run away from the only man who ever made my life make sense? I want him back, I love him so much, and I would give up everything I have to be with him.

I am tired of reading about bombs and suicide attacks.  I don't want to see pictures of bloody people on the headlines every other day.

I can pee standing up.

-28/female

We have an open marriage. We can be with other people and not have it be a problem. Then WHY do I keep him a secret? We have never done anything...YET! Why not just tell my husband that I want to f*ck him? He would totally let me. But I hide all his messages, delete my history online, have secret email just for him. When he writes or sees me I just shake and get so hot that I feel faint. I have pretended I was making love to him every time my husband and I have sex, kiss, touch, since I met him. It consumes most of my day and night. All of this just for sex. I know this guy is also with someone. I don't want my status or his to change. I just want to be bad. Is it just a fleeding fantasy, that once I have him, this feeling will go away? I'm not quite sure how I feel about that right now. All i know is that this thing is beyond me stopping it from happening.
If the anxiety doesn't kill me first!

I hate being tired.  Most people are annoyed by it.  I just flat out HATE it.  I hate that feeling of laziness.  I cannot stand it when my brain is half asleep.

More caffeine.  I'd shoot it straight into my blood stream if I thought I could.

... Love is for the strong. They have strength enough to reach past the fear of rejection and the walls that are put up.

I... am not wearing underwear. Ah, the freedom!

deleted

Either he cares and i don't.... or its the other way around. Thank god I'm independent! Otherwise I'd be on his ass!

Secretly on the inside I'm SCREAMING for help! I wish he'd  try to knock down my walls i have up, to show me he really cares. but I'm starting to see that he really doesn't.

I fucked up! I will never admit it... but i fucked up! Now my child has a deadbeat dad because i was such a bitch when i was pregnant. i didnt know what i want because i was still in love with my ex. Now im screwed!! I want to be with him for my daughters sake, but what i really want is a family! I'm being played, i can just feel it! I'm just going to disappear, stop talking to him for good! If he wants to see his daughter, shes here... if not, i'll get over it! But i will always blame myself for this! This is bullshit! FUCK!!

We're never gonna be okay.
Are we?

I can't get sterilized by any doctor because several STUPID women who didn't understand what "permanent" meant sued, and as a result the rest of us women that know what we want have to suffer. Some of us are not mental midgets that are certain we don't want any kids, and know that permanent means "never".

I hope these blubbery cows that sued their doctors over these tubals never ever got pregnant again: who wants more from THOSE lacking gene pools? If these stupid bitches did indeed get pregnant after a reversal, I sincerely hope the resulting spawn turn into  cellar dweller extraordinaires that never leave, and fight with them every damned day.

It's what you morons deserve.

i'm trapped. i could find a way out but i wouldn't take it.
why?
because i have too much compassion for the person who is ruining my life.
why?
he is my father. he raised me. without him, i would be nothing right now.

yet he is ruining my life. manipulating me into staying. i pretend to care so he doesn't kill himself. he thinks he knows everything about me. how i feel. what i think. but he doesn't.

i hate you. if only i could say that and leave. i hate you so much for what you are doing to me. i hope you die. leave me with money for college and releif in my mind. just overdose and die already. you're killing yourself anyway every time you do it. just a little more and you'll slip away so i can be happy once and for all.

what happens when i get married and you're still alive? i can't trust you. how will i even know you'll be at my wedding? how can i leave my children with you? you can NOT be trusted with anything. but i can't tell you that. i HAVE to trust you so you think i love you and that i'm here for you.

anything i can do to make myself sane makes you more of an addict. i leave the situation because i can't handle it anymore and i get blamed for you making the choice of using.

i fucking hate you. please kill yourself. it is such a terrible wish to have for someone. but you would make so many lives better if you just didn't exist.

I had a dream about zombies last night.  WTF.

I find little sexier than Dexter, the TV series about a serial killer.  It's not just the sexy actor that makes it sexy, it's the killing itself.  Sometimes I wonder what I would have become if it weren't for my parents.  Recently I have begun to think maybe I should be a butcher, kind of the same, but more socially acceptable and more realistic than the desire to become a vampire.  Yeah, I'll have to look into that...

yes, i did cheat to my first boyfriend.. i have another guy in my life and even though he's a player (i mean player to girls), i do take our relationship seriously. my first bf is really the ideal guy, the attitude, personality, education and lifestyle status but i fell in love with the new one..

the catch is... my 1st bf caught us off guarded, now, he knows everything about my cheating act. on the same day, the CHICK of my new bf bugged us too.. it was a hell of a crap. within 24 hours, my new bf and I had our argument regarding both sides..

until now, i still have doubts to him.. FUCK!

When you told me my eyes were beautiful, I'd never felt as complimented in my life. I wish i had responded- told you i loved your eyes. There were people around, though, and i was afraid it would just come out saying that i thought YOU were beautiful. God, i wanted to kiss you so badly. Stuff like this wouldn't turn out all that well at an all-girls christian camp. Did you. Did you feel the same way or not? You confused me by the way you would look back at me and by the way you hadn't let go of my hand..

I miss you. Will i see you ever again?

War will do a lot to a person. Coming home to what seems like a familiar situation is sometimes the drive that young soldiers need to make through the next 8 months while they serve. Finding out on the home stretch that there's something completely different, can do a lot to a man. Some self-destructive, and some mental. Mostly self-destructive. It's funny to see how things ever so slowly change, ha when you thought you had everything.

24/m

I really, honestly and truly from the bottom of my heart HATE the human race. All we do is tear each other down, hurt each other and play head games.

im strong, im doing great!

but every so often, why do i feel like regardless of how much I jog, or how many shows I open, or how many people I fall asleep with, no amount of busy-work will keep me from wondering about you...

im sure that will change in time. i guess it's rather foolish of me, but i thought it already had.

This friendship...is starting to hurt.

Stop trying to make everything you do seem so goddamn important.  If you really and TRULY did not care what people thought of you, then you would not constantly and obviously seek the approval from your facebook "friends" that you never got from your dad.  i didn't have a dad either, get fucking over it and join the rest of the human race.

my secret: i know she's not really hurting anyone, intentionally or otherwise, and i am far too cynical for my own good..

I'm not sure why you left in a hurry, I wish you would have stuck around and chatted longer. I miss talking to you like I did today. But the only reason I can think of for you leaving abrubtly was that your girlfriend walked in the room and you didnt want her to see our conversation. So much for not being that guy anymore... and I was really hoping you had changed

I get so nervous around him that my mind goes blank.

What did my stupid heart get me into this time?

Foolish heart , you should have at least fell for a single friend.

Fortunately, my brain is still in control. My heart tries to tattle on me through my eyes , but luckily he doesn't notice.

I do like him a lot but I don't think he feels the same. I know he HAS to know. My heart has slipped a few tiny innocuous things out while my mind was on drugs. Speaking of , I do have half a joint left ,think I'll go finish it up.

Oh yeah , heart , I'm signed off facebook for the night and I'll be too high to remember my password later. I'm two steps ahead of you. Ha!

you are the one and only that i am capable of loving. i wasnt sure of us because we hadnt seen each other in so long but its making us stronger. and the last 2 yrs we were broken up i was almost falling for someone else and im happy i didnt you are the one i love and i never want to lose your love ever

I finally get it. "She can always get me, but I can never get her". I understand now.

i have never wanted anything as badly as i want you. too bad we are both with other people.

I'm sorry I didn't chat longer.  I had to leave because I didn't want to start remembering all the reasons why I've always had a crush on you.

Seriously considering paying a chic to have a child of mine.  Whats the point of a mommy.  I know I would make a good dad.

i really hope that josh duhamel cheated on fergie. not that i really care one way or the other, but it just proves the theory that no matter how hot/sexy a woman may appear to be, there is some guy somewhere who's sick of her! take that you bitches!

I wish you would just talk to me about what you did to me. Instead you have me pretending that I don't remember, pretending that I don't still have nightmares about it, pretending that I don't think about it everytime you walk into the room. 12 years later, and I'm still f*cked up. Thanks bitch.

no but seriously. if you didn't have a crush on my, why would you be so concerned with what is going on in my head?

I am starting to feel numb again, but I cant bring myself to increase my medicine dosage

I love you. A lot. i just know you'll never feel the same way.

I feel so alone. All my friends have girlfriends or boyfriends, and I'm the odd one out, like always. I am so sick of this. I have no one to talk to because none of them understand. I hate my life. I hate everything about myself.

If you are waiting on me...it ain't gonna happen. I have done enough...it is your move this time.

If you really wanted to unite this family you would make it happen...no matter what!!!

M, I got a phone call today...you are still seeing the bitch that divided our marriage and yet you continue to lie...work it out? work what out? you have not given one thing out of your ordinary everyday life to contribute to us or working it out! I love you but whats love got to do with a damn thing??? Fuk U, Fuk her, fuk us!

There I was walking (actually limping along)  from the library to the campus bus stop at 9:00pm. I go by there three women standing next to a  van with its hazard lights flashing. They ask me to help them. I am not sure if they wanted to change a tire or they wanted to lift something in box into the van . I politely tell them  that I can not help them because I have a painful  knee (I had accidentally knocked it against a desk's corner and I could barely flex it). I advise them to call Campus escort service or the police. Their response to that  (almost in unison) was,"You mean you are not going to help us?" I told them no I would not. I was just amazed by the level of entitlement and lack of consideration some people have. Is it expect that some random guy is supposed to be at the beck and call of some women? Why is it expected that I would just automatic be happy and comply with anybody's  request?

I sniff your jacket when I masturbate. I think that's as close as I'll get.

I realized that you like me too. I can't wait, ;)

please get out of my head. I know you never think about me.

You know how when your on facebook and you get one friend request from some old high school friend, then you get another, and pretty soon people that never even liked you in high school what to act like the bestest friend ever? Irritating.
Even more so did all of you marry each other? Ugh, I don't hang out with the same people I went to high school with. I'm not even the same person I was in high school- why are all of you? It was over 10 years ago, don't you think its time to let it go?

I just realized I'll probably never have a successful relationship. I'm way too fucking complicated.

What's wrong with me?  Why am I not good enough?  In high school I had no problems getting guys to fall head over heels in love with me.  Now I've graduated college and I'm alone.  I fell for a coworker and he has no interest in me.  Now I'm seeing a different guy who barely talks to me.

I'm a good girl...I'm pretty, I stay in good shape, I love football and beer, I get along well with everyone, people think I'm funny and smart...

What's wrong with me?  Why didn't you love me?

life=rubbish


i want to die.

My inlaws are really ridiculous. Do you not realize you are half the reason we moved out of state?? Stop funding excuses to come visit! Your son is now my husband, cut the ties. We will see you several times a year, as usual, and that is enough! This is only going to get worse when we have children.

I just spied on a girl I couldn't stand in high school.  I found her online blog.  She now lives in LA and she's single.  I was hoping to find some torrid life tales.  I was sorrowfully disappointed.  She's still as drab as she was in high school.

Her blog is chock full of nerdy fan fiction and one mention of an online boyfriend that broke up with her.  The "love scenes" in her fan fiction lack any actual sex.  I'm about 98% sure that she's a 31 year old virgin.

It just made me sad.  I live a more exciting life as a wife and mom living in the middle of nowhere.

i am willing to blow hundreds on a good coat. but watch me turn down a bum on the street for some change. then im hard up for cash and can't pay my bills. if 2012 is real, i deserve everything that happens to me.

The reason I'm mellow is because I take 300mg of Seroquel and 1500mg of lithium everyday due to having bipolar disorder.

Without the meds I would pummel you to death because I hate you so much!

I'm going to a concert by myself, and I'm looking forward to it. People don't understand why I enjoy going alone.

for all the prayers that go unanswered: why do you think that is?





....open your fucking eyes, world.

I am heading out of town this week to be with my Mom who is heading into the hospital.  Whenever I go there with her, I always leave a changed person.  I feel shaken but somehow stronger.  I hate to see all of the illness that has no boundaries.  So many with the same brave faces masking their real fears.  It puts everything into perspective.  I recognize what is important, and what truly is not.

I wish everyone could experience it for a moment.  Perhaps if people did, they would stop being so mean to each other.

I'm tired of having the people that I don't give a fuck about wanting me to love them and the (very) few that I love seeming to not give a fuck.

I'm scared ill be alone the rest of my life. cause i know its true. only person I've ever loved is untouchable.

I had one chance to have an affair.  One chance to bring something spicy back to my marriage.

Why the FUCK did they have to be such an unwilling, non-charismatic loser in the sack?

Man, no wonder that bitch is single.

I was robbed.

Yeah you like to play games telling me my mom thinks we would make a good couple. So you must think in my mind i would fall for that and jepardize my marriage well Ill tell you what stop beating around the bush with your little teasing lines and just tell me you want to fuck so we can it over with.Im waiting!!!!!

I'm not who you think i am, I'm just very good at pretending.

This week I have the opportunity to throw my marriage away. I haven't decided what to do yet.  Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Depends on how I get treated by my spouse between now and then.

i hiked yesterday and went for a jog today.  if i keep this up i am sure to find myself again.

but my secret is just this... every time i find myself, it just presents another opportunity to get lost.

hmm so today just enforced that. why can't i just be normal?

He wrote after all these months.  I am torn about replying...

I gave him a rimjob.  We both liked it.

I declined his proposal. His response? "As you wish."

... I'll probably end up saying yes, just for that.

S, I still feel you.  Make the first move and you might be surprised what may happen.

I love you but trust me, I'm completely aware that you're not Jesus. Flawed is good. Flaws give you something to talk about long into the night. Perfect people are so damn boring.

I'm going to jump your bones tomorrow. I don't care if you're married. That's between you and your wife. Leave me out of it. I'm taking you and that's final!!!!!!

I hate life, i hate the company i work for they are a bunch of two faced assholes, like to take advantage of me, thing i dont know shit, news flash assholes, i know more than u think, i hope i land a much better job...and i hope my bf already ask me to be his wife instead of me waiting like dog... ugh life is horrible..

M, I want you, but you have a girlfriend. Whenever you talk about her, you hesitate. She's done something to you. She's hurt you. And that is unforgivable. You're the light of this world, the hero of this story we called life, and no one should ever hurt you. She's never around you, either. That should make things easier. See you at college today. You'll never know that I am beginning to put my plan into action. You will be mine, M

I miss you so much Mark, I really don't know why I have so much draw to you. When I said I loved you, I meant every word. But did you? I can't tell - I guess i'm just a case of out of sight, out of mind.

Get it thru your thick fat head...my husband and I are still together...it did not work! All your triffling entanglement did was make us even closer. There is no comparrison...you can not reach the beauty here sugga...all you were and will continue to be was simple a fuk to piss me off. Find a man that is single and stop fukin with married men. You are TRASH!

Ugh I'm so irritable today, I pray that it doesn't interfere with me spending time with my baby. Please God.

So this is going on my third day in a row where I am hopeful for getting laid and I end up going home alone.  Well I guess Friday there wasn't much hope, but Saturday I totally got cock-blocked, I was ready, he was ready, but you YOU had to get in the way and there was no way to tell you no as it would have revealed our true intentions.  Tonight it was all talk and no action, two different guys, well kinda three even.  D talks about always wanting to get laid, but either doesn't get it or is simply too lazy to make it happen, I would fuck his brains out in a hot minute if he'd ever make it happen.  B was around, we've slept together a number of times, but he's hard enough to pin down to a time too, maybe tomorrow.  Then there is F we have been together once or twice, I know that if I said the word he would have tonight, but with him it's awkward and I know he doesn't know how to keep a secret either, something I don't need getting out now.
Screw guys every time they say it's easy for girls to get laid, yeah it IS easy, but only if we want to settle for ugly or mean guys in bars, or the one night stands of the world.  It's damn near impossible to get some dick when you really want it.

I am going crazy...it has only been a week and I already miss you so much. I hope I can make it through the next few months : (

I'm very scared I'm pregnant. My period is due within days and I am getting spotting, which could be my period or could be the implantation..

I am having a affair with my first love. Our sex life is AWESOME! We fuck till the cows come home. I can't get enough dick from him!! And a huge dick it is!!

Some of the things my boyfriend has tried with me in the bedroom I've shown my husband in turn.

Married F/35