I finished writing a play today about a girl being raped. I'm that girl.

I fucking miss you and wish we could talk.

I wonder if you still think of me half as much as I think of you... I bet you do, but I'm sure every thought is followed with a curse, either uttered or silent.

Yeah well... Fuck you too.

Its always darkest before the dawn.  I've been in a lunar eclipse for months now.

Went out for a friends birthday last weekend with my bf. My ex was there, with his new gf. She isn't pretty, or outgoing, or smart/funny/interesting. Whatever. I was dressed up hot, and my current bf told me later how my ex could not stop staring at me. I just know when my ex fucked his lame gf later, he was thinking of me. Makes me so happy. I know it's wrong, but knowing he still is attracted to me, even though it's been years? Awesome.

and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.

I would like to see a feature on web browsers where in a lucid moment I can enter the url of a website and when I push the button, I am banned for life from ever visiting that site again.

I try to do this with my own honor system. I tell myself never to go back to a certain porn site or chatboard. I know I am wasting too muich of my time there.  But by a few hours later, I break the promise to myself and fall right back into my old ways.

So web browser companies, please help me out.  Give me a way to ban myself for life.

I wanted to cheat on my ex-husband on our honeymoon because he'd rather go back to our room and watch football than take a romantic walk on beach while in Hawaii -- on our honeymoon -- did I mention that?

He texted me an "I still love you, I miss you" message three years after we divorced.

He has a small dick.  I don't miss him a bit.

I am re-married to a wonderful man who loves me and tells me so every day and has a huge cock.  

Don't stay where you aren't appreciated every day.  

36/F

He still loves her and it kills me inside.

I just love a friend who is sweet and nice, but as soon as she is having a bad day, she takes it out on me by hurling insults in my direction.  What the fuck?

Ooops, I just lost your number.  Don't contact me ever again.

I get tired of so much pretense and bullshit coming from both sides of the gender coin. Games suck. The "rules" suck and besides, they're impractical. Most people aren't mind readers. What's so wrong with just stating clearly how you feel? At least you're more likely to get a straight answer that way than if you spend your time trying to finagle a response out of somebody when you haven't even bothered to ask the questions. If I like a guy, I'll tell him. It's not his job to come chasing after me. Traditional gender roles are an insult to my intelligence and I'm more than happy to open the door for myself (or a man, or another woman), pay for my own meal (and his), and initiate sex when I want it. I mean, why not?

What's wrong with providing mutual support and sharing equal responsibility? Isn't that the hallmark of maturity? If a man feels that his masculinity is threatened by a strong woman, then obviously he's no man at all. Likewise, if a woman feels that she needs to be treated like a pretty, pretty princess *tee hee!* all the time and have her every whim catered to, then she's no woman at all. Relationships that focus on maintaining gender roles are childish and have missed the point entirely when it comes to the bond that can be shared between males and females. It can be deep and meaningful if you stop wasting so much time on the rules. If you want to love like an adult, love beyond gender. Love the person. It's the only way that makes any logical fucking sense.

i'm fucking tired of you coming over in the middle of the night, drunk, just because i live near the bars. I think you're a cool girl, but i'm absolutely not down with you treating me like i'm your boyfriend who doesn't have a dick.

Next time you come over, either put out or get out.

I get really jealous when other people find the happiness that I've been searching for.

I do my homework in life. Whatever the topic, politics, history, science, I don't just make random factless statements and hope someone believes me. Instead I read up on the topic BEFORE I open my mouth.  This is a novel idea to many.

You want to know what bugs me though?  People make false statements all the time.  I never put them down for it. I just speak up with the right information.  I see no point in dwelling on their lies and falsehoods.

Every so often someone will tell me something about a particular topic that I didn't know.  I enjoy learning new things, I welcome the new information.  But there is always one bugger in the crowd who mocks me for not knowing something.  He taunts me like a 5 year old saying essentially, na, na, we knew something you didn't know.

Jeez, how childish. Yep, you knew something I didn't know.  I never would say a word if, as is so often the case, I know something they didn't know.  But when the tables are turned, an asshole always comes out from under a rock.

My take way?  People are lazy about finding out the facts.  People make up facts.  People are immature.

I shrug.  I move on.  I continue to try to make the world a better place.  But damn you morons make it so unrewarding.

im sad i cant be there. not sad enough to give up theraflu & sleep. Fuck parties.

Maybe if you showed just a slight bit that you give a shit about us breaking up, I would know you care enough to swallow your pride and show some emotion for me. I guess now I'm just any other bitch that you can talk shit about. Also, stop being so obvious about trying to make me jealous. Do you know how easy I could do the same thing and better?

Macho men with the 5 o'clock shaddows, the scruff, even the beard ... OMFG - take me now!!!

Seriously, metrosexual men are more girly than I am.  Step away from the "hair product," you pansy bitch.  I'm wearing the "product" in my hair, you're scruffy and rough.  You flip me over and do me from behind.  Sometimes I'll try to boss you around, but that will only make you pin me down harder.

This is the guy that gets me hot.  A man who knows he's a man.  He doesn't need to fart and trap you under the covers or burp the alphabet - that's a little gross - but he ought not be getting mani/pedi's and wearing expensive crap in his hair.  I like a guy manly enough to wear pink.  This gets me hot and is almost oxymoronical to everything I just wrote.

I think it's like the whole opposite of driving the truck with the hemi, thing.  Like the guy in the pink shirt doesn't need to compensate for jack.  Ya know?  He's hot in that pink shirt.  You don't need a friggin' ladder to get into his truck that you can hear 3 blocks away before he gets there.  You just open the door and get in.

Where's my hot, out-doorsy, scruffy guy and his pink shirt?!  

How weird, I didn't see this "secret" goind down like this at all.  Talk about picky... even I'm rolling my eyes.  But seriously, manly men while chivalrous are where it's at.  

It's weird, 15 year old kids are sporting my favorite scruffy look lately.  I'm not okay with finding minors hot.  I think the beard needs to be revoked in hs.  It's way too sexy and dangerous for those hormonal kids.  For teachers, too, I bet.  It gives the look of an adult male, but then all you have to do is try to hold a conversation to realize what age you're dealing with.

Mmmmm... a scruffy salt 'n pepper man, too... who knows what he's doing in the bedroom.  That's hot too.  

I must be getting my period, also.

Period sex ROCKS.  Multiorgasmic goodness.

Jeez, what has modern western society come to?  I'm a man, and I'm expected to be strong and independent and fully self-sustainable, and I'm supposed to pay for your dinner when according to you, you are my equal?  Get real!  You were the one that wanted to go out, so YOU pay.  If/When its my idea, I'LL pay.  THATS equality of the sexes.  Please let me know if you want to be treated like a lady though, because then I'll remind you to submit to your gentleman.  If you want equality, then you'll accept a man's treatment.  As a man, I don't hold the door for other men; I also pay my own way, seat myself, and buy my own stuff.

Ladies, please don't cry about the death of chivalry when you stabbed it in the gut with modern feminism.  The old ways were based on one party being inferior, remember?  You do want equality of the sexes, right?  Its not about vengeance, right?

My professional life sucks. I think I'm going to run away and join the circus instead.

29/F

I'm looking at my workload for the next week, and realizing it's physically impossible for me to do all of it in 8 hour days... 10 hour days... even 12 hour days.

I'm considering hanging myself in my office supply closet. This is all too much.

i hate how women have to "keep" their men.  what happened to the days when men courted women? now it seems it's the other way around.  women work, and work overtime at home, and have to be sexy, enthusiastic, in shape, pretty, pleasant, and can't show they are tired.  so many men are so lazy, it's like they just want a second mommy.  and some of them are so controlling, they drive you crazy, they want to tell you how to spend your money, etc.  i don't want to be alone, but damn, i'm starting to wonder if it's all worth it.  if you're gonna be a traditional "macho" guy, go all the way.  u wanna cheat? u wanna control? then pay all the bills.  protect your woman.  don't get mad at her when other guys look at her, get mad at those other guys if you're gonna get mad at something.  you wanna yell at her and treat her like your daughter? u want her to give u the respect she gave her daddy?  then do everything traditional guys did for their women.  im so sick of these guys today that act like they're traditional, in that macho sense, but then wanna be taken out to eat, they want gifts, they want your money, they wanna lay there while u get on top.  ugh.  i can't stand people.

Please, why won't you fuck me while I'm on my period?  I know it's messy, but it's just a little blood, and I need it so bad.  I don't know if it's because my hormones are going nuts, or what, but all I want is for you to fuck me.  Put down towels, wear a condom, do me up the ass, whatever it takes, just PLEASE FUCK ME.

Gee, y'know, I'm bored utterly shitless so if you ever want to hang out by any chance that would be amazingly awesome (and I promise that I won't try to club you over the head and molest you).

you never stick up for me.



thanx hubby.

I am going to make a "mistake" soon, which seems as natural as breathing to me. There is no way to predict the scope or the fall out. Nevertheless, I'm so excited I vibrate, and not because it'll remain a secret and is most certainly taboo, but because I am clearheadedly choosing for myself this one thing, finally; I'm choosing myself.

Also, if the shit hits the fan after the fact, I know I can handle it; mostly because of me ... but also because of you.

I stayed married to my husband for 6 1/2 years after the last time we had sex.  Looking forward to finding a real sex life after my divorce is final.

My office mates cannot stop talking trash about Tiger Woods cheating with all these White women. I want to say the following so bad, but I will probably get fired:

1) Black women and Asian women get used to the fact that White women, especially blondes are the top of the dating hierarchy. Don't be bitter or angry at your men for wanting to be with what is considered the "social cream of the crop"
So if they are successful, of course they are not going to date you. So let Tiger Woods have all the White women he desires.

2) White women and Asian women get used to the fact that men WILL cheat if they are good looking or successful. You are NO more special than any other woman. Your Asian "exotic-ness" or young "blonde-ness" may be the hot thing in his mind for the 15 minutes it takes to fuck you, but after that, well you are just another "whore", "chink" or any other slang. Tiger Woods is no different than, Brad Pitt, Hugh Grant, OJ Simpson, Bill Clinton. There are many OTHER Blondes, Asians, and Beautiful women out there, not just you.

3)Black women and Asian women, don't pretend that Tiger Woods behaves that way because he is a Black man. Running to a White male hero, won't solve the main problem which is:

4)Black women, Asian women, White women: People are primates. Most animals aren't monogamous and  primates (gorillas etc) are known to fuck many different mates at the same time. Get over it, and just start fucking more people yourselves, instead of getting mad at Tiger Woods

I keep hearing on the radio stations about how women everywhere need to step up "their game" because of this whole Tiger Woods debacle.

Well...what about the men?

Why is it assumed that it's only up to the women to make things exciting in the bedroom? I can't speculate on everything, but I CAN speak from experience. I'm not saying that the men in relationships have to work on EVERYTHING, but why is it okay for them to ONLY be on the receiving end of sexual novelty? Why is it that some men feel that their dicks are the only contributions that they need to make? Your wives and girlfriends need novelty too. Why don't YOU hit the gym for once? Why don't YOU learn some new sex moves? Despite what you may have heard, most women don't thrive off of mediocre sex, shopping sprees and compliments. Stop being such a fucking selfish baby. TAKE TAKE TAKE!

Dude, I wish you would go back to mowing your lawn or shining your tractor or something and leave me alone.  You really really need to go get a hobby.

What stucks is, is I know why you hang with me, but I'm not the type to humiliate you like that in public.

So apparently the world thinks it's funny to smash my plans. After getting the time off work, going through the judgmental looks of my manager and finally studying the information to the point of only missing ONE on the practice test, guess what company is closed on Fridays starting THIS Friday from now on? The DMV.

This is a sad realization of how my life normally works. Work Monday-Friday, the only days I am able to get my permit. Make the plans, then something goes wrong. Why do I even try...

I am so in love with you.. and you're in love with your boyfriend.
I wish you would just tell me what it is you want. What am I supposed to be doing right now? How am I supposed to act? How the hell do you feel about me?
It stresses me out not knowing if you've ever stopped to think for one second that this is tearing me apart. You can't be that naive to not know by now that I would do anything for you! You can't have us both... you can't sleep with us both...

I can't stay in 2nd place my entire life, and especially not with this, not with you,,
So I have to run away. and what's stopping me? I mean I've been saying this for months.. it's because I only know how to run to you, not away from. That, I don't believe I could ever learn how to do.
-Female

IM HAVING CHEST PAINS.

I find myself constantly wondering where my wife is. I double check alot. Like if she says she's going to a particular store, I'll look in her wallet after she's asleep to find any receipts from that store. I hate myself for doing this. But she cheated on me not once but twice. And I am still here. Yes I'm an idiot. I guess I never fully dealt with her cheating in that I don't trust her anymore. So I do these checks. I'm not sure what I'm really looking for. Suppose I find out she cheated again. So what? Like that is news? She has already cheated twice, why do I need to find her cheating a third time? As if that will make a difference? I should have left her long ago but I am not brave enough. And rather than deal with me being a coward, I pretend I am doing something meaningful by looking in her wallet. This entire situation sucks. I didn't sign up for this. I wanted a nice loving wife whom I could trust and be with for my entire life. Now I am a sniveling mutt of a dog snooping around and obsessing over all things suspicious. This is no life, but it's my life. I hate her for doing this to me.

I certainly would have married him, if he hadn't kept lieing to me for YEARS, about his affair/love of the other woman. Right after I had proof of the affair was on-going, I went to try and talk to her. She denied it all, when I asked about her feelings for him. Had she just admitted it to me, I was strong enough at that point to just walk away, and start a new life someplace else. I guess I expected too much from our conversation - things such as maturity and honesty. I wasn't interested the least in "tattle taleing" them. I DID learn though, that you can never really connect or communicate with anyone that is living a lie. You are just wasting your breath and time.

I'm moving and have given away a lot of things for free on Craigslist the last couple of weeks.  Three times, the people who have come to grab something off my porch have taken other things besides what I told them they could have.  Essentially, they have stolen.  Assholes.  That's it.  I'm not going to give away anything again.

You really absolutely don't know how to love. I believe you when you say you do but the way you think proves me right. It is not your fault although it is sad as hell for you. Because I can not love a person completely  that doesn't love me completely...I want a divorce.

I feel like I am lying to my friend by not telling her, but I don't want to hurt my friend by telling on him. I understand why he would want out, she is mean. Almost ten years together and she will not marry him. He wants normal, and she can't give it to him. How do you love both sides and not feel bad? They are our "couple" friends, and it's going to tear apart a group of people that I love. Ugh.

Sounds like a vicious cycle to me. Oh well?

My wife finds any excuse to not have sex.  "The Xmas lights aren't up yet"  "I have a meeting at noon tomorrow"  And when we do have sex, she just lays there.  Coaxing oral out of her is a chore and she hasn't been on top in 3 years.  I compliment her often and make sure to spend special time with her after work.

Tiger cheated on a goddamn Swedish model.  Yeah, part of it is just guy's make-up.  Ladies, random blowjobs, enthusiasm in bed and appreciative comments go a loooong way towards keeping your man at home.  We are simple fucking creatures.  Fuck us, feed us and tell us we're awesome.  You'll be wife of the goddamn year.

So now I'm on the couch.  I hate getting rejected when I roll towards her and I'm not jerking off like a fucking kid.  So I'm bottling up my frustration and seed until further notice.

We'll talk, she'll yell and say that I haven't cleaned my office or that I haven't gotten her oil changed yet.  I'll listen quietly and give her my ultimatum.  Enthusiastic sex or I stay on the couch.  Fuck this facade we have.  I'll put the kids to bed, do my work, then go the fuck out as I please.  Throw me out.  Frankly, I don't give a shit anymore.

Maybe I'm getting old. But all night I wanted to go home. When I got home I got in bed. You immediately turned over in your sleep and cuddled with me. Best part of the night.

deleted

You say you love me, yet SHE says you two are dating
You say we'll be okay, SHE says she needs you
You say I'm the only one, yet you left ME once
You say you want ME only, I say I need you
You say SHE's crazy, I say I don't believe you
You say you want HER to be okay, I say I'm falling apart

My secret: I think about suicide all the time. And if it wasn't for my family I would be gone right now.

You never say you're sorry, watch ME not freak out
You say let's work on it, I say I'M done

My secret: I'm sick of always giving people the benefit of the doubt. I can't help but be nice and love you.

I just watched YOU smile as you are chatting with HER.
Go fuck yourself. That's the only thing I want to say right now.

I miss you and i know you are completely over me.

I have a father that was always abusive to my mother, for 10 years of my life what little I managed to see from the tension in their marriage, I ignored. I spite myself for not having really taken in those initial signs, for smoothing over all those bumps.

Ten months ago my father began blaming my mother for having cheated on him, whether or not she did is debate-able, but I, speaking as the sole son and the person in which all involved family members confided in the most, and the one person to speak directly to the man who may have, I am 95% sure that nothing happened.

Anyway, so after this, my father goes on a rampage. He cries, yells at her to get out of his house, calls her job and the other man's job getting both fired, tells his entire workplace about what's going on, and all this time he's huffing-and-puffing and I'm stuck there listening only to what he's saying and ignoring my mother the whole time.

Almost a week after, he tries committing suicide, drugging himself with God-knows-how-many pills and sitting in a filled bathtub, telling me to help him and pull the trigger. When I told him 'no,' that I wouldn't help him commit suicide, he began struggling with the gun, trying to point it at me, and then himself. He may have succeeded in killing one of the two of us that day, had he not been weakened by the medication he was on.

I finally pulled it away from him, and, almost immediately, his angry demeanor broke away. He began bawling his eyes out in front of me, I doubt that he was aware of anything that was going on, and began speaking a monologue begging for release, begging for whatever to kill him and take him away from this life. His speech began to waver, his voice began to gurgle, and I simply left him there, hoping that he would die that day.

My maternal grandparents arrived at the house to the scene, called the hospital, and I pleaded that I knew nothing about what happened. No investigation was involved, my father was allowed to recover in the hospital and had to, by some (if you ask my opinion, idiotic) law, be housed in a psychological ward, where he saw no doctors and walked out on his third day.

God... And all that time I never knew that it was he, in fact, that was never loyal in his marriage. He admitted to cheating with at least three different women, some affairs lasting longer than a year, from before I was born, to when I was three, all the way until I was twelve. There may have been something not too long ago.

It became all too clear too late, my father is a pig. My father cheated on my mother, and when he got the slightest idea that she may be doing the same to him, he went ballistic. He tore my family apart in ways I never thought possible, he turned me against her, he physically abused her and almost raped her in front of my sister, he put words in my mouth in front of the police.

I want to claim vengeance, but it's not mine to claim. I don't believe it's some deity's duty to make my father pay retribution either, I simply think that, even after all that, I'm hardly the victim here. After all that my mother put up with just to continue raising me, her child, to continue life as normally as she could, I can't bring myself to think of vengeance.

I want to make a film, I want to capture all those emotions and all those lessons I learned about human nature, about how some peoples' minds work. It wouldn't be right to allow my character to be the voice of reason in trying to redeem myself and do all the things I knew I should've done, because in reality, my failure, our failures, it all made this story. It made us realize (sans the paternal figure of the story) what was wrong with us, what we needed to do different. It's only on the precipice, on the brink of extinction, that we may actually change. Contentment causes stagnancy, and inhibits development, improvement.

Ever since, my life has been one of quiet desperation. After seeing all of my father's friends turn on him as soon as they got dirt on him just to kick him out of his work, after seeing the failure that was the marriage between my mother and father, all I want is a true friend, a real partner. I have someone that I can truly call a partner, that I am so happy to have, that we both understand all these serious things that have been behind this story and that we really know how to enjoy ourselves. Our personalities are all we really need, toys and venues and anything of the sort, money, it's all accessories, it's nothing to what we really are. I won't doubt that we don't need money, period, or that we won't try and be successful in that way during our lives, but-

You know what, I'm digressing here.

The whole friend thing is just killing me though. I can't believe that I've met so many people throughout my life and, during all that was going on, I had two friends and that one girl standing behind me helping me out, and those two friends have already gone their own ways just to avoid people in situations like me. Other people have all but forgotten me in going to college, I mean, it seems that there is no way to get closure with anyone else, no real friends, no way to actually talk to the person behind the face everyone has on.

We keep in contact through social networking sites, but our conversations always involve us complaining about our classes or involving niceties. I want to break that barrier, I want to speak with who they truly are. I mean, I'm sure that they must have some amount of personality behind that face of theirs. I wish, for once, that I could just understand who half the people I have met in my life truly are, feel what they've felt, know what they know. There's so many different personalities in this world, so many worlds that exist in people's minds with their own histories, colors, emotions, and it brings me anguish to think that I've only -truly- known four real friends in my life, and that they've all gone their own ways, one ending up in a Job Corps after a fight with a father, two others distancing themselves during that mess that happened.

It seems that the only thing that could make someone feel attached to you is being in some life-threatening situation and getting out by the two's own strength and will, or being blood-related, or maybe because the two have known each other for a long time.

I don't know... -Sigh-

--

Well, there you go, that's my secret. I hope you all take away something from it.

Well I told you my biggest secrets, well the only two that should really matter, I am hoping they don't really matter to you.
I really can't imagine anyone more amazing than you at this moment.

in my head, i'm peter pan. i'm never going to grow old. i'll always live on an island with all my best friends playing games and laughing all day long. i'll never have another worry ever again. 21/m

i'm starting to think i  have clinical depression. i've seen 2 psychiatrists in my life and withheld things about me because i didn't want their pity. but now i wish i had told them because i can't tell anyone what's going on within me. help.

I don't know what my problem is...I have always had guys falling at my feet in love and wanting to be with me, but none of them are ever good enough. I've had a couple who were ready to commit and start a family, but I couldn't handle it and left. Now both are happily married with kids. The only one I ever had who refused me was the one that I had the hardest time getting over. He ruined me for awhile, I was broken, but even then I survived. Then another came along who loved me more than ever, but he was not strong enough for me and too needy. I have needs as well that cannot be forgotten, so that too passed. Now there is one who has already been at my side for quite a long time, although not in this way, but I am still afraid. I know he loves me, and I love him, but it is still difficult to put my faith in someone now that I know what it feels like to be hurt.  I got by most of the time without being the one who was turned away, but ever since I felt what it was like to be on the other side I have been afraid to give myself completely.  Every time I think I have found someone who fits me, I find yet another stipulation that changes my view of things.  This time we get along so well, we know each other so well, we are really two silly peas in a pod, but alas, maturity does take hold in us women soon before it does in men and it is hard to imagine when the point will come when we even out. If that ever happens! I hope so.... Don't get me wrong, I love to spend time with friends and have fun, but the whole going out, drinking lots, spending money, etc. gets old after awhile.  Yes, I am still a college student, but not for long and there are so many things to think about after this is all over. I hope we can make it through everything and become something REAL.
<3

You would have been the one... but then she wanted to come back in my life. you left. she left. now i have no one.

I've always tried to be your friend above anything else.  Unfortunately, you've never realized it.  I know how important what you need to do for yourself is and how sorely you need to take this time to do it.  If I have to be a bitch to you so you focus on doing it, then so be it.  I won't let you distract yourself.  I know you won't understand and I'm sure you'll think it's about something petty.  I'm angry you can't just admit it's important and you downplay your intent.  As your friend, it's ok to simply tell the truth of your situation.  I'll be there to listen and support you. Please accept my friendly offer.

You realize you still love me AFTER I start going out with one of your friends. Why in the HELL could you not have told me before? I would have gone back out with you in a heartbeat. Now I'm gonna hafta deal with all this SHIT.

my secret: I really don't care. I love you too much.

I still have feelings for you.

I just keep telling myself that this is just a flesh wound. The hurt feeling is obsolete, it's not really there. But I know better. I said to you I was incapable of being hurt because I wasn't going to fall for you. Jokes on both of us. I fell hard.

I miss you soooooooooooooooo goddamn much. It's fucking scary. It's like it was for me when we first "disclosed". I am glad you're having fun: I really am, but I fucking miss you. Come back to me, please. Moo.

You're breaking my heart.

God you looked the same, it was distracting. You were telling me stories and all I could think about was how powerful your thighs looked. I kept thinking how I wanted to trace your arms and touch your chest, and how gorgeous your eyes were. I was totally enthralled with your silhouette, lean and masculine. It made me want to own you in some small way, and to have you own me completely. All those years ago I wished you would have made some kind of a move. I would have gone along with it, back then I was too shy to make a move myself.  P your too distracting and I don't want to do something to make an ass of myself, it was all I could do to keep from blatantly flirting with you.  Damn, I don't think we can hang out without your wife.

i hate hate hate that love can break a person this way.
fuck you and your insecurities.
i hate that i don't even love myself enough to let you go.
this feeling is horrible.

i will come back from this though, i'll give it time.
the ONLY good thing that comes from heartbreaks like this is that i always make changes.
positive ones that i make for MY benefit, and for YOUR regret.
example, this weekend, i am most definitely going shopping. i will learn to LOVE the way i look and how i feel.

although what i said is true. the way i feel about you, will never change. whether you think it's bullshit or not.
i love you.

i'll see you later apple/

I always try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I constantly stay positive on the outside while barely getting out of bed. If someone calls me, I have the capacity to answer in a voice that helps them think that I'm doing okay, that I'll be okay and that I am okay. I constantly try to justify the actions of others in my life so they don't come across as being the bad person. But I'm starting to crack and I'm realizing that I don't believe in men at all. I don't even believe in women. All men cheat. I know. I've been cheating on despite giving my partners sex daily, even when on my period. I know because I was the other women and I try to rectify in my head why I would be the other woman in a relationship, but I think it kind of boils down to the fact that being the other woman in a relationship was justifying it that all men are fucking scoundrels and cheats and they'll get it where they can. I wish once, just once, I could find someone that will prove me wrong. Just one guy. Just one dude to show me that it's safe to love and be loved. To show me that I'm safe. Because that's all I really want to feel is safe.

I'm 21 years old and have been held back all my life. I've had fears of failing, losing people, and just plain disliking of myself. After thinking long and hard, I finally decided to get my license even if my parents DON'T like the idea of it...

I go take the written on Friday. I missed only 3 on the practice test.

I plan on doing big things with my life. To my parents: I love you both, but you've kept me caged up for too long. The day I get my license I'm going to be gone from this state...

Where do you think my money's been going? It's saved up to get me started. I've got it all planned out. I have the support I need.

It just sucks that I won't say goodbye because the moment I do, the chains come back.

I'd love to get the chance to make you laugh every day. You have no idea how happy that would make me. :)

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I still think about you every single day.
The little girl I met last year is all growed up now. ):

I am your best friend, and even though I consider you a good friend, I wouldn't consider you to be my BEST friend.  
That is reserved for a couple of other people here at home.

Besides, shouldn't your spouse be your best friend?  I would think so.

I could sit and do nothing with you all day long. I wish we could re-live today every day, except with more closeness.
I just love being near you and really have come to hate it when Im not.
This is definately about the worst way for me to feel though...
but damn babe, there is no way to stop this now.

.Please.don't.completely.break.me.

Tomorrow it starts.

I am a big girl. size 18, but its not bad. I have huge boobs which helps proportion everytihng out. but i do have a some belly fat. and some flubber in places that it shouldn't be.

I talked to a friend at school who will help me with toning up my body and losing that belly fat.

I am so ready to lose the weight, i just need someone there to coach me through it. I am ready to do this.

my secret: I'm doing this for me. but if it helps catch your eye that i am in shape, then that is all the better. I want so badly to be with you E.

-J

I wish I could get a makeover so my husband can I see that I am still capable of leaving him with the way I look!

I've started my revenge and I know I will get it soon

I wish I did things differently 10 years ago..otherwise i wouldn't be stuck in this fucking rut I am with a marriage I'm trying so hard to be happy with because my husband is a fucking lier and cheat.  I would love to strangle that other girl and give her a taste of her own medicine for flirting with my husband..I realized now that all men are dogs and they all flirt and cheat. That's the way they're made.

I worked for 2 weeks straight for your stupid 10 page essay. Had my former english teacher review and help me revise it. You gave me a 32. FUCK YOU. This isn't college you cunt.

I wish you would stop touching and flirting with me just because i liked you three years ago. Please. It makes me so uncomfortable and hate myself for having acted like such a ditz around you. Every time you put your arm around my waist it makes me sick and I can't realize why. I wish you would just go away and I hate having to see you all the time. Why had i acted so damn stupid? I'm more interesting now and you only see me for the pathetic person i was before and why, why do you like that?
Besides. I don't know if I even like guys or not anymore.

The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I'm afraid no one would take care of my pets when I'm dead.  At least I know I am still capable of feeling love.  Not for humans, but it's still love.

This is it... Now or never, If I don't get this paper done (right) I will fail the portfolio tomorrow... God help me, I can't fail this!

I keep various small amphibians, reptiles and fish in my room.
I keep them so i dont feel lonely cause i have no real friends.

I'm supposed to love you, but I hate you. I try so hard to make things work. I wish I could end this but there's something that keeps me with you.

I went to walmart to spray perfume in my crotch area just a little bit ago cause I noticed it smelled. Talk about convenience.

When you called me sweetheat for the first time, I absolutely melted.  The same goes for when you called us love birds.  The second time you said you loved me we had been together for four months and you didn't think I heard you.  I did, and I loved it.  I love you.  I miss you more than words can say....  I know you're a soldier, but please be careful.  Please be faithful.  See you in five months my baby....

are you feeling this too?  god i hope so.

Fuck you Daniel, fuck you. Aren't you tired of fucking with my life yet? Go to hell and enjoy the party.

I am married. Had an affair with a married man. He was my
childhood sweetheart. My parents kept me away from him.

Now he is married and I am too. I would have left everything for him.

But it seems that he doesn't share the same passion for me.

It's time for me to finally end this chapter with him on my own
without having my parents force the issue so I can move foward
sum 20 years later.

I loved him. I adored him. Guess we were always meant to say good bye.

Just glad I discover it before it was too late.

It's your loss V..

I'm eighteen and have never had a boyfriend. I'm too awkward around guys and it worries me that this awkwardness will follow me throughout my life and I will never get a guy.

I am nuts about you Mo.  I wonder if you even know my name :(  I want to ask you out, but am afraid if I do and you say no; you'll be uncomfortable when I come into the bank where you work.  I don't want that.  Plus I'm just too fucking shy.

this up and down shit you put me thru - i can not handle it anymore. all i want
is tobe with you. while nothing  i do or say will suit you, you will forever  be all i want in this shitty life.
your insecurity is killing us and its wearing thin.
all i want is to love only you for thr rest of my life and spend every day with you.  i know you doubt me with ever breath but i absolutely love you with all i am.
what can i do

fuck..  what  can i ever do that is enough for you...

Sara, you are a white trash piece of shit.

Go fuck yourself in your empty little world.  

You are nothing.

You have nothing.

You will never amount to anything in this lifetime.

I'm flattered I really am, and I'm not sure if I love you, or if its just that I want to make you happy.  Because I do love you, but I'm scared, and I just don't think I can.

Please don't kill yourself.  Somebody from your past will be looking for you one day, and will be upset when they find out what happened.

I miss my best friend. I loved him. Two years ago we were so close but then he started hanging out with other people and I got jealous and stopped talking to him, hoping he would come back. He never did. Last year I didn't even care about him and might have ignored him if he tried to be friends with me again. This year, he has a girlfriend. And, I basically never see him except at lunch when he's sitting with the same jerks he did two years ago. I miss him so much. I love him. But I don't know if I love (love) him or if I am just jealous of his girlfriend. I wish he would make an effort to be my friend (at least) again because I am too shy. Please D.

I'm super attracted to my boyfriend. But I'm also super attracted to his best friend. And his best friend's girlfriend.

I'm not going to do anything about it.
The feeling of dangerous attraction is waaaaay better than actually acting on it.

I use Photobooth on my Mac to take pictures of myself just for fun. It's my guilty pleasure.

I guess I'm narcissistic.

Well is bath time again.  I'll go get both kids ready to go in their separate baths, one of them being a nice cushy hot tub.  Oh, how I wish that they were already in bed, and I had permission to use my niece's hot tub... *sigh*

I would love to say I wish it was with that special someone, but there is no special someone.  Besides, if there was, I'd go to work subconsciously making sure there eventually wouldn't be.

Being forced into misanthropy really sucks.

I still censor a lot of what I want to say when I am around you, I think you do too.  I am trying to be better at just saying it though, if it's any consolation to you, I am better at telling you how I am feeling than I think I ever have been to anyone else I liked in my life.  I never feel like you are judging me and amazingly enough you seem to reflect everything... I am still living in a paranoid world where I feel like I must be getting set up, I have never had it this good before and it makes me nervous.

A former friend made a comment on their blog about getting sick because they hung out with a pig.  A pig flu joke.  Yea.  Har.  Har.

It was such a crystal clear reminder of why I am so glad I am not friends with them anymore.  This person is the type to make a comment like that to mean that they think of the person they were hanging out with that got them sick to be a pig and they don't have the guts to tell them to their face.  If asked about it directly, they lie and accuse you of being paranoid.  I should know...they confided their inside jokes to me on more than one occasion.

My Secret: I would have been one of those people worried that they were talking shit about me.  I would have cried and wondered why they would have such horrible opinions of me when I was their friend.

My Other Secret: Although I feel bad for whomever they were talking about...I wish I could thank them for reminding me exactly what I hated about that friend.  I just hope she knows that every single one of that person's friends thinks they are a two faced fucktard.

I wasn't surprised in the least.

I never disclose my weaknesses until I've found a way to be immune to them.

It's the reason why I haven't told my husband exactly why I love him.  When he asks I simply say, "I don't know," with a silly smile.

I love him because he watches out for me, I am his number one.  I love him because he wants me to succeed and he believes in me.  The second that either of these things falter, I start to love him less.

Yes I did indeed call you but I didn't leave a message.  Because quite frankly I didn't want to ruin your day with a voice mail that I was going to tell you that you should have left things the way there were.  I have said my peace already and you had the chance but you didn't do it.  It will take alot more than you just coming up to me saying hi to get me to talk to you like we use to talk.  

You made the bed and now sleep in it.  You haven't changed one ounce since then and I don't think you ever will.  You use to be so magical and so full of life, now you are just there.  Stuck in a rut and not changing any of your wrong doings to make things better and I don't want to be dragged down with you. I was already there and now I have risen above it.  

If I could have seen a wee bit of change in you, then things may have turned out a little different, but nothing has changed with you or your actions and I will not be part of your little egotistical game.  

My secret:  I will always love you and care for you, but you won't see that side of me until you have learned your lessons and actually have changed some of your ways for the better.

I was looking at the pics from Biggest Loser, before and after. I'm happy for them and all, but am I the only one who thinks it's strange that the lighter they become the MORE clothing they wear? At the initial weigh-in, the guys have no shirts, the women are in sports bras. Then, after dropping weight, everyone takes their media shots with their best casual wear. WTF? What happened to more shirtless and sports bra pics?
Apples to apples people...apples to apples.

I am just a fucking social failure. Plain and simple. Switching schools won't change that. I just have to deal.

I really hate athourity figuers who think they are better or can speak to you like shit why dont they just all fk off.

Its litterally killing me to see you with her. I cant take it. I would give anything if you would just take me back. None of the other guys are half as good as you. Id give my laugh for you to be hapy. She cant say that. Id do anything for you A. I love you with all that I am.

I feel like everyone's being taken away from me. Like alot of my friends decided they're better than me for some reason. Ugh. Stupid drama I just wanna graduate and marry the man of my dreams already.

I wanna fuck my sisters boyfriend so damn bad

I am in love with my best friend and I HATE his gf. He will never see that Im the one for him. BUT I AM. If your reading this AH, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!