I decided that, instead of telling all my secrets and fears to a web site that I'd write them all down, just to get them out of my head.

I started writing just before midnight and it's now four in the morning.  Over that time, what started as a list became letters to my loved ones.  Every person close to me who I felt that I had wronged got their own letter telling them everything that I was guilty for.

I admitted to everything.  I apologized for everything.  My parents.  My sister.  My girl friend.  My ex.  I wrote to each and everyone of them, detailing everything.

Now they are sealed up in neat little envelopes with the names of the intended readers upon them.  

So why am I telling you this?

I couldn't bring myself to actually mail them.  Part way though my brain-spill, I had every intention to send them out.  "How refreshing," I thought to myself, "Not having to hold all of this in any more.  I could be done with all this grief and guilt and get on with my life."

And yet, here they remain.  It was harrowing seeing my life in front of me in such a way.  These were secrets that I held onto for so long, buried so deeply, that they've become as much a part of me as my hand or my own thoughts.  So much so that the thought of actually sending, while once giving me euphoria, now made me feel empty and numb.

So, here they'll remain, inside my desk.  A neat little stack of neat little envelopes, each with sheets of neatly folded paper with neatly written words.  The sum total of how I see myself as a person.  My other-self all tucked away where no one can ever know of him.

-25

....... is self-medicating.

Also fearing I might just be unemployed. Here's to everything be ok....??? *insert beer and cigarettes here.

I guess I am not a good enough person to bother with; except for when being nice to me is convenient. I may be a doormat, but you are a mean vindictive bitch. You are one of the rudest, stupidest people I know. You were my best friend, and I am beginning to wonder if I ever actually was yours. I don't think you care about anyone but yourself. The best part of this whole thing has been realizing that I don't actually deserve to be treated this way. I used to take it silently and beat myself up about it, but no more. It's you, and it always has been. I am a good person, and a good friend. You're a self centered monster.

cdg;
don't forget what i said earlier today.. If u ever need me.. If u ever need a shoulder to cry on I will always be there for u. It breaks my heart seeing u suffer like this and It hurts knowing that I can't do anything... If I could believe me I wouldn't think about it twice...Ur such a special person and I would do anything to make u happy..

A. Two whole weeks! I tried like hell to get over you and it was getting close to being over for me emotionally. So, in my insomnia last night, I open my gmail acct. on my iphone and what do I see? Lo and behold, you write me an email with an attachment that you wrote. I kind of had to snicker, you wrote one paragraph and put it on an attachment!

  OK, so you got some things off of your chest and that was good. But now, you have gotten in my head again and you know how crazy I am about you yet. So, WTF do you want? Did you just want the last word? Do you want to start over again? Do you want me to be your text-email-FB monkey? I know that obviously you have some attachment to me, otherwise you wouldn't have written your letter to me at 2 in the morning. I get it, do we fuck or forget it? Oh, I told my wife about you too. No biggie really, but I guess she would not like the fact that you are contacting me again. A

I get wet watching Bleach. His hollow, his voice. Certain anime characters get me off! I love to watch hentai and I swear I must watch more porn and masturbate more than ANY of my guy friends!

sometimes i crave you so much it makes me physically ill

After I get into fights with my parents or my friends, I sometimes contemplate suicide.

I wish I could go through life drunk. I'm so happy and giddy when I'm drunk. Why can't I be happy and giddy all the time?

It's funny because I look at him and I wonder what he thinks of me... I like him alot, but my low self-esteem keeps me thinking that everytime he signs off of facebook it's because he's trying to avoid me and little things like that. Everyone tells me he likes me but I just can't believe it. I keep getting paranoid he's gonna get back with his ex and I hate that feeling. I wish my feelings for him would just go away... but they wont... I just wanna go to prom with him... I just wanna know how he feels about me so i can stop going crazy. But im not bold enough to ask... rejection kills my spirit more than you would ever know or feel.

I don't think I can ever be around you two again. All you do is touch each other and make sex jokes. I want to vomit whenever it happens. I know you've never been in a relationship before, but please don't use the whole, "we haven't been dating long, we're just really comfortable with each other" excuse. It's disgusting and completely hypocritical, because you still tell other couples that they touch each other too much.

You make me so uncomfortable, and when I finally get the nerve to tell you all of this you say that I'm JEALOUS? Of what? The number of hormones you can generate in a short period of time? You practically forced him into a relationship, and now you cling to each other. I'm perfectly happy with my current situation, I date but I don't flaunt my sexuality around like it's going out of style.

Just RELAX please. You'll be doing everyone a favor.

P.S. I hope he drops you on your ass. Maybe then you'll learn to take it slower.

I've been phyically abused by my own mother , my father knows but doesn't do anything about it , I don't blame him , because he can't do anything since he lives in another state . I wish my life ended right now , I on the other hand I don't want it to because I can't let her get to me I want to live to see where will I go in life , I hate her so much , that I won't give a damn when I hear the news that she's dead , in fact I'll be so happy .

Instead of trying to approach me in public, you might have a better chance of talking to me if you call me.

Guys will do anything to get a girl when they're horny. The lies and smooth talk a guy can produce just because he is horny is astounding.

so there's this guy that rly likes me i think i might like him but im not rly sure ! we've dated before but it didnt rly work out ! but now he keeps telling me how he just wants me back and all this other stuff ! i keep telling him that im not sure and im just really confused about everything but he just keeps pressuring me into telling him if i like him or not and im just not sure of anything ! i dont think he thinks that the whole situation affects me because i do get upset over it ! i just really dont know what to do !

i kinda have an unoffical boyfriend from my school, a guy in love with me from another school, and now im falling for another guy ,,, but worst of all this guy dated on of my friends and also made out with one of my best friends ! and above all that my best friend that i have been friends with for like five years is now questioning my freindship with her ! so why cant life just be easy on work out like things do in the movies ! eveything would be a whole lot better !

you scare me because you sleep with so many guys.  you use sex to prevent having to reveal your heart.  foolishly i fell in love with you.  but you are only in love with your next lay.  i still think about you and wonder if i will ever find a woman that young and beautiful again

This world might be full of confusion, but the one thing I know for certain is that... I Love You.

I looooove you. Please say it first.

Okay. so why do guys, like to play games with your heart? It's like one minute they are telling you that they love you, and they give you a kiss and everything seems fine. Then exactly five minutes later they are telling you that they don't think you should be together. Then after that, they call you, they tell you that they love you and everything seems fine again. Then two minutes later they ask you if they you love them, you say yes, then they tell you they are sorry, because they broke up with you, right then and there. Then they tell you to go on an messenger, and hang up on you. So you go on the messenger, they im you, they have a normal conversation with you as if nothing happened, then they tell you that they love you, and say they are sorry once again. You ask them why they broke up with you. They say there is no reason. Why play such games then? But as stupid as I am, I fall for him everytime, knowing that he is never going to change.

I should be a mother right now but I had an abortion it kills me everyday...

damn, i just want to run away.

My marriage has ended. I find myself
looking back to my wedding day and wondering
what went wrong. Sometimes the best thing to
do is start over!

I feel like literally everything in my life has gone wrong.

I just want to break free! Free from the little box I built around myself.

i worry about what has or might become of you, even though i shouldn't. i miss you so much sometimes and it's hard because i should hate you. i catch myself talking about you and i have to cut myself off before i start to cry. i wanted to call you last night. of course i didn't; that would be a huge mistake on my part. there's no going back now. my blood was on your hands and no one, including me, will ever forget what you did. i just wish i could hate you! that would make everything so much easier.

I want a warm body next to me. To cuddle, to kiss, to be happy with. But I'm not sure if that will ever happen to me.

Female, 18, Lesbian

I am very patient...

gravity is out to get me.

I have a loser husband. My friends have winner husbands. I could never tell this to a soul, but I wouldn't think twice about stealing one of their husbands and making him my own.

i feel so fucking trapped.

When I was growing up, my mother emphasized the importance of saving my virginity for when I get married because of our culture. Now in my reproductive prime, I'm still a virgin, not really because of the conviction of what my mother said but because of logistics and practicality. I've never been in a relationship or had guys flirt with me; plus, I wouldn't want to get myself accidentally knocked up or to contract chlamydia or gonorrhea. That said, I fantasize about sex more than a girl probably should, and I masturbate A LOT. If/when I get married, my guy is not going to have to worry about how much sex he'll get.

kasha you are quite literally on my mind at all times. and like seriously all i wanna do is fucking cry and get the fuck out of here. last night i dreamt about you. it was a nightmare, we were at work and you know what happened? you looked at me, and walked away. like i'm worth even less than shit. and today i took a nap because that nightmare made me exhausted instead of giving me rest. so yeah here i am taking a nap and here comes this dream. its me, im at my going away party, and alot of random people show up and im really happy and shit, and this white girl takes my phone and goes to the bathroom. next thing i know, i look at my phone and you sent me like a billion texts saying how like you wish you hadnt left me and how if you still had a chance with me it would mean the world to you. and then you came to my house. i was oh so cautious, but you seemed genuine. and i asked you to go outside with me, you said yes. i just wanted to thank you for showing up, it meant so much to me. and you said you knew and then you kissed me. and i of course cried, and then you said you'd be joining me in the army, for active duty in july. one month after me basically. oh my. wow. i was so happy i was crying. and i did. i woke up crying. because all you ever did to me was get my hopes up. this, this feels worse than when miguel cheated on me and got that chick pregnant. and that was pretty bad. i'm sorry i ever loved you, but im trying my fucking best to forget, and i'll tell you another secret, you were the main thing holding me back from the Army. then you "disappeared" and so yeah. whatever there literally is nothing here and i'm seriously hoping i meet a girl there that will love me the way i've loved so many others that never loved me back. i just hope i forget this feeling, of heartbreak and despair and feeling like i'll be alone all my life. i hope this goes away soon, i dont know if i'll be able to handle this much longer.

i wish people wouldn't forget that i'm human.

I have slept with a lot of people and it's very well known among my friends and others. I haven't denied ever sleeping with anyone that I have slept with. The only thing I regret about doing so is hurting other people's feelings through it. I can do with my privates what I want, after all. So here's the question... Do you think it's possible for somebody who has done wrong things to change? I do. But is anyone willing to give them a chance to? No. I think once a person asks for forgiveness and you still do everything you can to put them down and make them feel horrible (whether it works or not) you have turned into a worse person than them. Nobody deserves to be treated like I have been treated. It's taken me a long time to figure this out and to see that all these people are just as bad, if not worse, than me.

So my best friend and I had a little.... Fun.
I know, I know. Let the insinuations&imaginations roll.
I guess since I did most of the..... "talking," afterwards, my best friend asked.."What do you want? I'll do anything."
To which I replied. "I just want to hold you."
I'll be honest, too. I've.. I don't know. There wasn't really any lust in me to ask  for ..well, I didn't want my best friend kissing me, biting me, touching me. I just wanted to press ourselves against each other, and just stay there in embracement.
I'm not codependent, but .. I just love having my body being so close to my best friend's. To be pressed so close against somebody else.. It makes me feel like.. I'll never be alone. Especially my best friend, who makes me feel loved and gorgeous and strong and capable of doing anything. I just have to hug you.
Sometimes it's better than kissing you and all the other silly things we do.
I almost might be sucked out of lust. But sometimes I keep doing those things to you anyway, and end up just holding you. Anything to make us so we're up against each other and I can feel your body against mine-- I just feel.. safe. Thank you.

You are very brave to have killed yourself. I am envious.

i've been starving myself for the past three months. i'm trying for an entire year, maybe two. hopefully by then someone will try to save me. this is my test to the world to see if i'm actually worth saving.

Even though we're so young a tiny part of me wishes I'd get pregnant every time we have sex. But the bigger part of me knows it'd be a huge mistake. Keep the condom on

Well, let's see.  Whacked off at porn two nights ago.  Took about 2 1/2 hours, and finally got my jollies.  Plop plop drip drop, and the toilet is christened with my defective offspring.  Felt WONDERFUL at the time, having relieved a great deal of stress.  Settled down, went to sleep.  Slept about four hours.

Got up with the usual foggy head and stuffy nose; such is currently slowly going away at present, having been "sober" for two days.  Sometimes the "fog" lasts for a day, sometimes two weeks or more.  Along with the fog are mood-swings, impaired judgment, paranoia, depression, and a self-loathing I've heard isn't dissimilar to alcoholics on a bad hangover, thankfully without the excruciating headache most of the time.

Finally after enough time has subsided, I will recover, and then face the daunting task of functioning between these fits of "insanity" over what comes naturally to most people.  It will start after a time, with a general feeling of goodness, followed by unrest.  Then a pressure will build between my legs, presumably around my prostate.  Should I ignore the building urge to masturbate, I am guaranteed to become short-tempered and quite irritable until I "drop my load" so-to-speak.

These bouts into what some would scoff at being termed "darkness" often begin with triggers.  The sweet girl at the grocery store whose innocent smile ignites a vivid delusion, or the sexy seductress at the local drugstore that bends over directly in my line of vision, or the countless souls who cross my gaze as I impulsively inspect their femininity.  Even the sound of a gentle voice can trigger a fantasy that requires later satiation as it lingers like a pestilence within my diseased brain.

All for what?  To what end?  NO end!  An act without any express purpose, whatsoever for me.  I cannot bare a woman a child.  My semen has a sickly green tinge to it, who shows no movement so the doctors say.

How ironic for sex to be an ongoing obsession, for someone whose biological function is entirely moot.  A complete and utter waste of time!  Inherently illogical, but for the drive to conceive... NOTHING!

Yet regardless of logic, I find myself fighting the same battle again; In boundless sex an imbecile, and with none ready to self-destruct.  Is distraction from obsession merely another self-inflicted delusion?  So is the life of a sex-addicted post-orgasmic depression disordered fool.

Alcoholics have detox, but what are people like me supposed to do?  Wear spiked gloves?  What, am I gonna put a net-nanny on the computer I don't even own, and admit to people who don't even consider my condition an illness that I need them to help me?  Shall I hear again of my profound laziness as I continue to fight sleep to get the job done after hours of porn-surfing the night before?

Maybe I SHOULD get castrated; but what will happen to my other me?  Would I then be in the wrong body?  Psh.

I never understood men's fascination with boobs until I developed a decent naked rack that came with a bit of weight gain in my early 20's. Still barely A's, but it's better than being completely flat. They are sexy.

I wish that I knew where I belong. I thought that I would have already found it before 33 years of age.

Darling, you think it's cool how your never single for more than a week? You think it's cool how guys 'drool' all over you? You think it's nice how you've fucked up your ex's life, dating his best friend, asked for him back, and after being rejected trying to ruin his life?

No darling, it's not cool, because actually, you are a cheap, little slut who everyone uses.

He used to hate you before you fucked him, and oh the necklace he got you.. was for me, but i didn't want it or him.

So suck on that you dirty little slut, oh and before i forget, you're not 17 like all of us, you've just turned 15 and fucked more boys than i've had hot dinners. skank.

I'm not the slimest of girls... by far and that ruins my confidence.
I really like you and you reallly like me.
I want us to be together, but i know we'd have to sleep together.
I haven't had sex yet, i don't know if you have, i don't want to ask incase you ask me.
Truthfully, i'm scared of having sex.
Im scared you wont like me, or i will do it wrong, but im not confident AT ALL.

I actually start to shake and cry when i think about it.
But i like you sososo much.. :(

I knew you would disappear.

Im a 22 yr old women and there is this 35 yr old man acting MY age! WTF???

Like a dumbass he leaves me with his lil credit card, and food stamps card... now hes threatening to file a police report for stolen property. Hey i sent his shit back in the mail once i got the chance. Then this "MAN" gets all his lil dike friends to try and find me.... for what??? to whoop my ass! What a pussy! just because i hurt his feelings. Get a fucking life, go find a job, and go fuck with someone thats your own age!

Just because im a white girl dont mean you can use me as your crutch! It got real old real FAST! No way in hell am i gonna give up my life to go live in the projects with you. Like all my friends say i can do much better. Oh and i want my 2 weeks of my life back!

I love when people are on an internet chat board and a know-it-all comes along.  He tells it the way it is.  He's the big man with all the answers.  The rest of us are morons.  

Then I do a little digging and find out he is 15.

Children, shouldn't you be in bed and let the grown-ups talk?

I actually can't remember if we made a sex video back then.

By law, all bullets should be made out of marshmallows. So many of the world's problems would go away. People would say, "Shoot me again, shoot me again... yummy!"

Watching the movie "Up in the Air," depressed the hell out of me.

First bone to pick.  As a woman in my 20's, I resent being depicted as an inept tool, fledgling to the world.  Hey Hollywood, guess what, if you think women in their 20's are complete morons - guess what men in their 20's are like?!  Yeah.  Okay.  Glad we straightened that one out.

Moving right along.  Then there was the whole George Clooney as the black sheep of his family, never really wanting to be at home, situation.  I can completely relate to that.  The whole movie as it unfolded like an awkward indie flick, just kept making me feel a mixture of more and more depressesd and more and more awkward.  I am that black sheep in my family.  I never want to be home either!  

You know what it was about this damn movie.  Like all good independent films (though this certainly was not an indepenedent film), it cut through all the Hollywood bullshit.  As a human with family baggage, with life bullshit; I completely related and identified.  

Here's where it depressed me.  The premise was about these two people that fire people for a living.  With the economy in the crapper and knowing a lot of people where I live without work it just kept making me more and more sad.  I was fighting off crying for the entire second half of the movie.  

It also depicted the notion of "marriage," to be the complete and utter crap shoot that it is.  I'm already jaded enough, I don't need to watch Clooney put his balls out on the line and get them crushed by some already married chick.

Sorry, if I just ruined the movie for you.

Here's my moral.  If you're a single woman in your 20's, struggling at all with black sheep issues with your family, jaded as hell about marriage and romantic relationships at all - DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.  You will walk out a puddle.

There was very little comedy.  There was hardly any romance.  It was not a chick flick.  

It was a, "Life sucks - wear a helmet," movie.

But I already knew that, and I just wanted to laugh.  I wonder if that makes me a typical American?  

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh wow.  I think I wanted to watch the predictable, typical Hollywood bullshit movie.

New reason to be dissapointed in myself.

I have always stolen things. Always small and stupid things though. Candy from the corner store, shit from the lost and found. Like one time when I was 8 or 9 I stole a stuffed dolphin from our school's lost and found. See stupid shit. Recently I stole a flash drive from my work's lost and found. If I ever get the nerve I'll steal the big ass screen tv from my old job. It would take 30 seconds top and I would be gone. I'm such a coward.

I wish religion would be banned.

I wish i could have lost my virginty to you

I need more action in my life! Am I wrong for putting that kind of pressure on my boyfriend?

I secretly wanna kiss a girl!

My wife and I were talking about Haiti.  She said, "I think scientists are mean.  Why didn't they tell the people of Haiti that an earthquake was about to happen. That's what they're paid for right?  Just too lazy I guess."

This is on the heels of us having a conversation about the TV show 20/20.  A guy was convicted of murdering his wife.  My wife said, "I don't get it.  Why would he murder her.  She's his wife.  He loves her."

I reminded her that the reporter said they were getting a divorce.

"Well divorce is no reason for murder.  People get divorced for legal reasons, but they still love each other."

I was confused (again).  So I pointed out a divorce would mean he'd have to give her lots of money. To which she responded, "Someone wouldn't commit murder over money.  That would never happen."

I just looked at her.  I usually just look at her.  It is easier than trying to have a reasonable conversation.

After a minute she said, "Why aren't you saying anything? Maybe what happened is that he didn't murder his wife but instead...."  She just trailed off and didn't say any more.

Just for giggles, I decided to torment myself more. I said, "Please finish you sentence."

She said, "My sentence??  My sentence??? What do yo mean?  It isn't my sentence. He was the one convicted of murder. He was sentenced to life in prison.  Not me.  It isn't my sentence.  It is his.  You didn't get that?  You watched the show for an entire hour and you thought I was the one convicted?  Boy you should pay attention more!"

It is always interesting talking to my wife. God I hate my life.

I am living proof that the nice and quirky, yet endearing and loving girl ends up alone.

Fuck you, Hollywood, for giving me false hope. I've spent years believing that being exactly who I am was enough.

Here's the truth: nice girls always end up by the sidelines. Always.

I will never get to sing my songs to you.

We will never be able to be strolling along the beach, in our 60's, looking into each others eyes as the sun dips beneath the seas.

I guess we'll not be on a train going anywhere else together.

Your small body, big troubles, anger, pain of the past, cannot be surrounded by my open arms.

I wanted to be the one who was there, holding your hand as you drifted off into an eternal rest--to know that I was the one you saw last.  

This will always be in a corner of my mind.  Painting memories that will never happen.

I guess I've not met this person yet, even though I thought I had.  

Cheating sucks.  I still wish him no harm.  

He wanted to meet me, so I agreed, and we met in my car, as usual. He got in and he looked as cute as ever. We kissed. I didn't want to move to the back seat quite yet, so we kissed some more and I rubbed his hard dick, through his pants. I kissed his neck tenderly and he told me he liked that, so I kissed him some more.

My lips brushed his earlobe and my tongue ran down his neck as my other hand ran through his hair. I told him the first thing I liked about him was his hair. He asked why, and I said I like guys with long hair.

We moved to the back seat and he took his dick out. He rubbed my pussy through my pants and wanted to feel me. I pulled open my pants and he reached in and fingered me. Then he asked me to finger myself while he stroked his dick. I slipped in my middle finger and rubbed my wet pussy lips and moaned. I reached over and took over pumping his dick while I continued fingering my pussy.

He asked if I was rubbing my pussy good, and I told him yes. I asked if he wanted to taste me and he said yes. My wet finger went to his mouth and I rubbed it on his tongue. He tasted me and said I tasted so fucking good.  

I played with his dick for a bit, stroking it before putting it in my mouth. I sucked him and he moaned. He calls me baby. He tells me how much he likes my mouth. I like his dick in my mouth. I crouched down on the floor of the car so I could work his dick better. He pulled down my pants halfway down my ass, exposing my ass cheeks, and he told me he liked the way my ass looked and gave it a nice smack.

I moaned.

I like a nice spanking.

He fingered my pussy and slipped another finger in my ass. I normally don't like any ass play, but it felt good, so I let him continue until I had to tell him to stop, that I couldn't concentrate. He kept finger fucking my pussy and I ate his dick like an expert. I looked up at him as I sucked and I licked the tip of his dick. I licked his dick from the base to the tip before sucking him down again.

He wanted to fuck me.

I hesitated because there was some guy in a car near us and I didn't want him to hear us or see us. I asked him if he could wait for my pussy until next time. He looked disappointed, and I was too, I love his thick dick fucking me, but he agreed that he could wait until next time for my pussy.

My hands ran up his hips and I rubbed his balls as I sucked. I felt him getting tense and he ran his hand through my hair, down my back and smacked my bare ass again. This got my mouth moving faster and he asked me to slow down a bit. He wanted the moment to last longer. He told me to keep doing what I was doing, that it felt good. Soon I felt his warm cum in my mouth and he groaned as he came.

I pulled off him and swallowed.

We sat there for a bit, not talking, but it wasn't weird, it actually felt nice. He had a few minutes before he had to get to work, so I asked if he wanted to smoke a cigarette with me. We got out of the car and lit up. We didn't talk much, just smoked, the two of us leaning on my car. He hugged me before he left.

Baby, you are so delicious, I want you all the time.

i have had one hundred and seventy-four sexual partners in the five years ive been active with no stds surprisingly

I stole a magazine from my local supermarket today.  It was easy as they have these self checkout stands and nobody is really watching.

Next time I'm going to get some free steaks!

..

I have wasted all these years of my life. I'm changing, but my best friend is a constant reminder of how much of a failure I am. I hate it.

I have never felt so alone in all my life! After five years it's over and I don't know how to pick myself up and move one! I haven't even smiled in weeks..I just want the pain to go away! The worst is I believe with all my heart you have not even thought about me one second since you walked away! I was so miserable with you...Why do I feel like this then??????

i'm trying so hard to not become my mother.

Spiderman makes me SO wet.

I am scared to death.  My husband has cancer, no chance of recovery.  I am so afraid of being without him.  He sleeps most of the time.  I am so lonely.  No one knows what we are going through.  We haven't told a soul.  Only he and I and the doctors know.  It is getting so hard to pretend that things are ok.

"i used to be overly emotional about everything, but as of late i'm indifferent. numb? perhaps."
^that is exactly what i feel like lately, i just could never find the right words to say it. thank you for helping me express this.
after he left, i lost all real feeling... its kind of scary to be honest. im afraid that this is really bad, but i cant seem to snap myself out of it. its like nothing registers with me anymore... i hope im not like this forever... along with all my feelings i lost my motivation too, and i desperately need my motivation more than anything right now.

deleted

So sad my life is this way. More alone than anyone could ever know.

I'm a straight guy or at least I think so. But, when I see Chace Crawford on Gossip Girl, I get really hard down there. My gf and I watch every week. One time she just flat out says "if you were a girl, would you date him?" I got really red in the face and she started tickling me. I finally fessed up and said that I'd fuck Chace Crawford if I had the chance. Is this wrong? Does it make me gay?

I think most Americans have IQs in the low 80s (at least functioning on a daily basis). For example, a recent pole stated that the majority of Americans think David Letterman is funny. My secret: David Letterman is the most uninteresting and dullest "entertainer" on t.v. He has virtually no talent, is highly unattractive, and quite frankly, stupid. I guess most Americans identify with him....not me!

I always had a little crush on you and thought you were so beautiful.  I never talked very much with you, just a little here and there.  When I did, you were always very sweet to me and came across as a really, really nice person. I had no idea just how lonely you were even though you had tons of gorgeous women throwing themselves at you.  I wonder if I had told you how cute I thought you were if that would have made a difference? If you would still be here today?  I honestly don't think it would have done anything, but maybe it would have opened the door for us to talk more. I never wanted to say anything for fear of coming across as either creepy or a potential stalker.  So not my style. Maybe I could have been someone you could tell your problems to and you would still be alive? I'll never know.  I miss you, though and hope you're happy and at peace wherever you are, my beautiful friend.

I couldn't give a fuck about what's going on in Haiti or what happens to the people over there.  

The thing is, I think more people are thinking the same thing as me, but probably can't say it for fear of being branded a total bastard.  I'm *thisclose* to saying it to an actual person that I couldn't give a damn about Haiti just to see if someone else agrees.

im in love with my bestfriend, she sitting right beside me and dosent no im typing this so.. ;) ugh shes fucking hot ,,shes just typing away with those mostureized hands of hers that are orgasmic to touch when she jokes around and holds my hands..oh how i wish i could jump on her like a wild cat right now. meow.

just spit it out! go ahead and say it!

say, "can you come over and get drunk and fuck me?"

it's always the same, every single time. i don't know why the hell we bother with these stupid games. it's never going to be different, and it's certainly never going to get better. so just man up and be frank about it.

i think i might be losing my mind.

Can't I fucking breathe without you?!

more than anything, i try. i really do. yet you are pushing me so far away, its getting harder and harder to close the gap.

Last night i told my boyfriend i was really freaked out and scared because i had a dream where he was raping me and i liked it. Instead of getting angry or thinking it was weird, he took a risk. He confessed to having thoughts about raping me before, and about how disgusted he feels with himself afterward. In the end, we both agreed that it must be ok....even if only for the two of us.

Someone, please notice that I am drowning! SOMEONE JUST FUCKING HOLD ME.

i'm beginning to think you don't like having me around. i can't complain about shit because it'll make me look like a selfish asshole next to all of your problems. i listen to all of your bullshit and feed you everything i can think of to make you feel better, yet you always shoot me down. you'd rather wallow in your own self-pity than actually do something about it. and when all is said and done and you've got nothing else to be upset about, you come up with the same old excuse to keep me from coming over. i've tried to be understanding, but sometimes i think you're making that shit up. if you don't want me around, simply tell me. i might get hurt but it's so much better than wondering whether or not you're telling the truth.

I met a man in a bar. I should have left and never given him my number. He called, we dated and after a couple of months we're done. I still miss him. My secret is that I have bartered with God on hopes of getting him back. Desparate much?

i'm always in the fucking way.

i tell people i'm happy being single, but inside i stress about it every day.  I hate being alone.

i'm trying so hard to be practical. i try to live my life rationally. you make me feel anything but practical and rational. it scares the shit out of me. nobody's supposed to shake me, nobody ever has before. i've loved you since the first time i laid eyes on you. i've tried to get you out of my head for years and i've never been able to. you're always there. you show up in my dreams and haunt me. you haunt me no matter what i do. i can't put into words how i feel about you because i'm not used to feeling this way. i never wanted to feel this way. i'm scared, okay? i've always tried to be safe and in control. with you, i don't want to be in control and i don't give a damn if i'm safe or not. i don't know what to do. if i could close my eyes and be with you right this second, i would. but i can't. for now, i have to be practical. i have things that i have to get done first. i'm doing the best i can. i'm not running this time. i love you and i need you, okay, dammit. i need you.

--f

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Woman who can't be alone for more than like a month without having someone makes me sick.

My affair is the cutest thing ever. Dressed Will is an all-business, shy, by-the-book financial planner. Naked Will has the filthiest, busiest mouth during sex I have ever witnessed...including in porn.

I haven't ask if he uses that chatter on his wife.

When I was 14 I walked into my own living room and ran into one of the most gorgeous boys I had ever seen. Our mom's had met by accident. We started calling, visiting and he gave me my first real kiss. Still the softest, best kisser I have ever kissed. It lasted a year and then without warning he simply dumped me. We attended high school together and though I was willing to be friends, he treated me with nothing but contempt.
The last time I saw him was high school graduation. Twenty five years passed. I heard he was arrested and spent time in prison. I heard he had a heart attack. Then around four months ago he sent me a friend request on Facebook.
Last weekend I posted a few new pictures and he sent me a message:  I REALLY fucked up. You are beautiful, smart, funny, successful...and I settled for dumb, bitchy and slutty.

Thank you, Michael. Thanks for agreeing with me.

i used to be overly emotional about everything, but as of late i'm indifferent. numb? perhaps. it seems the only thing i feel is envy towards those who actually experience the physical world around them. i want so desperately to live outside my head.

My best friend's dad committed suicide two days ago. What's worse is that my friend was telling me what a failure his dad is a few weeks ago. I don't know how he's ever going to forgive himself. The best i can do is tell him I forgive him...

Come on, Deb. All I want to do is spent a night sucking and fucking each other stupid. Considering all of the losers you've hooked up with in the past don't you think it's time you fucked someone you actually like? Me and my boner will be waiting for your answer.

When you told me you might come back to town I began to diet and exercise. I'm starting to love my body. Who knew 10 pounds made such a difference?

A massive earthquake in Haiti, an eclipse in China. December 21, 2012 ain't that far away. Hopefully the predictions are right.

i'm kind of glad i witnessed that side of you last night. my obsessive crush on you has eradicated.

Exactly one year ago I dumped my ex on his birthday. It used to make me feel like shit, and honestly, now I realize it was my empathy acting up.

One year, and I feel better then ever.

One year, and I still feel like a god damn bitch for dumping you like I did.

One year, and I relized it was the right thing to do.

Healing hurts.

I wish that I could tell you how attracted to you I really am.  Last night was an almost perfect opportunity..  But, I really do adore being your friend, and I don't want to ever mess that up.  We work together..  You make coming to work worthwhile.  We play this really popular online MMORPG together..  You've made that fun again.  It kills me sometimes to see you flirting with the all of the other girls at work..  I adore the conversations we've had..  I know that you and I would never have a future together.  FFS, I'm married.  And I do love my husband very much..  In fact I realize that one of the reasons I'm so attracted to you is because you two are so very much alike..  Gah.  J.  I will keep my attraction a secret.  Hopefully it will fade.  We're friends.  Please, God, let me feel only that for you.  Friendship.

I wish I could just say this to you. At the end if every email I write it, then erase it; I need you. Please come back to Boston.

Will you?

I've never found Meryl Streep particularly attractive, but I dreamed I had sex with her last night...and it wasn't half bad.

f/27