FROM NOW ON:

Apartment neighbors, I will not come to the door and entertain you with small talk anymore.  If you knock, you should expect NO ANSWER as I have decided that the absolute last thing on this earth that I want anything to do with is pretending to be interested in the boring things you're saying to me.  My God, seriously?  I am SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY WANT TO FUCKING HEAR THE SHIT YOU SAY TO ME.  HOLY SHIT HOW COULD I POSSIBLY BE??????!!!!  I have paid my dues by opening my door and succcumbing to your spontaneous whims after whim after whim while I fantasize about slamming the door without warning.  I have a 3 year old son.  He keeps me busy enough.  Do you really think that if I find a fucking moment in the day, that I want to talk to YOUR ass?  Or better yet, drop everything I'm doing and invite you in so you can stand in my living room talking about NOTHING for however long you see fit while I attempt to make dinner/tend to my son/put on a movie/clean the house/get him in the bath/put him in bed/call my boyfriend/ and everything else inbetween?  I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU, YOU, YOU, or YOU anymore.  You never have anything of substance to say and I am done faking.  You've taken more of my time than I dare admit to myself and now I owe the rest of it to myself.  My time is MY time and you can't have any more.

Maybe its been enough time, if you were to call maybe we could be friends again. we were close, we talked all the time, every day. I know we can never be the same, but call me, we can have our old friendship back

i miss you. I hate you so much for everything you did, but i still miss you. I miss having someone like you in my life, i miss loving someone, but..maybe that's all i miss, maybe i don't miss you at all. All i know is that I'll never go back to you :) still love you thoughhhh and i wish you were a little more mature with this whole break up thing, maybe i could be a little more mature too, not talking to you works just fine though. this probably doesn't make much sense, but i feel better.

Ladies, there is no such thing as a bad blow job. Unless you include NO blow job.

KARMA WILL KICK YOUR ASS IN THE FUTURE. you are scum.

Ever since I told my mom that I'm leaving my husband, I think that she's under the assumption that I'm having an affair. I would hope that she'd know me better than that by now. She always acts suspicious whenever I say that I'm going out with friends and gives me this inquisitive stare like I'm hiding something from her. I wish that there was some way to let her know that I'm not sleeping around without making her more suspicious. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

Somebody else got your blow job. Too bad for you :-(

I hate you so much.

I want you to die so I can start living my life. I wish I had never married you. Or I wish I would have had to guts to leave you YEARS ago.

Your temper is getting old. I hate that you fly off the handle at any moment. Right now would be the perfect opportunity to pack my things and just leave your ass, but I know I won't do it. I hate myself for not being strong enough to just fucking say THAT'S ENOUGH! and just leave you.

You constantly make me feel like I'm not worthy. That no one else will love me. That you are the ONLY man who will ever have me.

Well, let me tell you this... I have other men wanting me. I have had other men. Younger men. Men that want me all the time. And I pleasure them. We spend hours fucking. I suck them off and I let them come in my mouth.

And I swallow their cum.

But not yours. I'll never swallow yours. You ask me to, but I tell you no. You want to know why? BECAUSE I DON'T LOVE YOU!!!!! Your cum tastes like shit to me.

I HATE YOU.

DIE YOU FUCKING PSYCHO ASS MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!

we had a "cave" date.  I wanted to explain but you didnt show.  Maybe its for the best. I feel therefore I write.

I wish I had never met him. He roped me in and I settled, because frankly, no one else was interested. He hurt me, physically and emotionally, and I enabled every bit of it. It got to the point where I was the verbally abusive one, yet looking back it was simply my retaliation for what he was doing to me. His alcoholism and drunken rages were a couple of huge elephants which stomped around our god-forsaken apartment. He "didn't remember" any of it, so it must not have happened! I was the bad guy. I was the bitch. I was the reason for every argument, every fight, every hole he punched in our walls. It wasn't until he tried to kill me that I realized he was a complete psychopath. He didn't love me. He wanted to destroy everything in his path and burn the evidence. He is a miserable, self-loathing maniac who desperately needs help. Everyone in his life enables him--including me, up until that point. He royally fucks up and never has to pay the piper.

When sober, he was gentle, sweet, funny, sociable; inebriated, he turned into a monster. he truly was He truly was Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde.

But I do miss him. WAIT. Wtf am I thinking? I can't miss him! I can't love him. I can't think about him. I need to erase him. I hate him. I hate myself and I hate this disgusting place.

I need out. Maybe a new environment will eradicate him from my thoughts.

I found out that I am 7 weeks pregnant. I go to get the ultrasound and there is no heartbeat. I have a dead fetus inside of me. I am having a miscarriage. at 19 years old.

My secret: I am ashamed of how greatful I am that this happened.

your so petty and full of yourself youll never see i never gave a shit how you looked, i loved you. You were my world. The only reason i ever said anything about it was cuz u left me and broke my heart with no remorse. I wanted you to feel something like i felt when you crushed me, i knew you cared that you were fat so i threw it in your face. The problem isnt your weight, its your heartless soul that threw a human being away for no reason. The sad thing is that you dont deserve it, but i still love you.

I'm setting a goal for myself....

I need to kiss this boy before the end of the month.  This has gone on for too long. Shit that's this Saturday isn't it?

who cares how much u mightve changed, you'll always be self absorbed trash bag of a women, who doesnt know how to fuck and will never be her mother no matter how hard you try

I can't wait to see you, just so I can show you how much weight I've lost and rub it in your face.

He skipped my b-day dinner so he could sit at home chatting online with some chick he used to go to school with.

And I've been worried about breaking his heart. What the fuck is wrong with me?

K,i want to get you drunk and give you such a primal fucking. a fucking youve never experienced. I want it to mean absolutely nothing . just full of lust and anger. I bet your pussy is shaved and sooo pink. I want you sucking my cock till you gag on it, i want to treat you like the whore i know you are. I want you to need my fucking dick in you whenever you see me. When your fucking your man tonight i want you wetter than ever thinking of me raping you like a piece of meat, and exploding all over your stomach. Then when its all over, i wont even acknowledge it happened

I'm much happier with my DGAF lifestyle

It makes me uncomfortable when you beg me to talk to you. Its not that i don't think you're a great guy. Its just strange. Do you like  me or something?

I eat faster at the dinner table so i dont have to hear about you're day. its not that i dont care. its just that i dont want to hear about it from the second you get home till when you fall asleep.

you know what. i'm done apologizing.it's never enough for you. i hate playing games. you never even tried to ask what happened. you wimped out. it's hopeless now.
but guess what, i'm pregnant again and i'm probably going to get married within the next year. so i guess there is no future for us. and just an fyi, you have to love yourself before you can ever love me

Despite the attitude I sometimes have, I really want everyone's approval. :/

I can go on and on about I hate hypocrites...
But I'm one, though I try not to be.
And that aggravates me.

Disney DVDs annoy me to no end. They have a feature called "fast play".  If you put in the DVD a voice comes on and says "fast play will automatically begin in a moment".  Doesn't it sound like a good thing?  I don't have to make my little ones sit through endless promos until I eventually have to come back in the room to hit PLAY.  It's fast play.  The movie will just start right?

Wrong, "fast play" is the name Disnay gives to what the rest of us would call "slow play".  Really.  All the promos are played and then I have to come back and press PLAY to start the real movie.  I think Disney named it "fast play" to dupe me, and my children, into watching all their commercials.  How dishonest!  Shame on you Disney.

J,Your obviously gonna stay in your go nowhere roommate relationship with X. But if you just want to be friends then find yourself another sucker.

I get so sad when my kids do poorly on a school test. They are destined for a life of mediocrity.

You know what really bothers me about you leaving me for another woman? That you started eating onions. Our whole marriage you hated onions. You bitched and moaned. You would complain if you had to pick them out until I just stopped using them even though I love them.
Now you're eating them with this new woman? WTF?

At the end of the day there is really only one question to ask yourself: Am I happy?
If the answer is no you must do something about it. Even if the consequence is hurting someone else. Because what is life worth living if there is no happiness in it?

I liked my anonymity, simply because then no one knew how I really felt- no one knew the dark thoughts that constantly run through my mind. And sometimes I think revealing my identity was a mistake because now they'll worry about me.

Do you think your worth loving? You'll never realize how special you are to have someone who loves you. I'm sure you'll miss it when that person kills themselves because they loved you and you didn't love them.

I am tired, I have a headache, I still have a paper to write for tomorrow, and I just want to go home.

Nothing will ever taste as good as being skinny feels.

A, please stop texting me.  I dont want to hear about it anymore.  Im not changing my situation, I am very happy where i am at life and frankly your neediness is really starting to annoy this shit out of me.  

I will try to be your friend but NOTHING MORE.

I love you so much....I believe we were ment to be. I never want to lose you you. I know that know one can love u better or understand u better then I do.

i have been reading my husband's ex's best friend's blog. it makes me feel really shitty about my own life.
i don't do anything, i'm pretty tied down.
but it seems his ex's life just gets better and better. fuck her. oh my god, fuck her i want her to actually struggle a TINY fucking bit.
she just bought a house. a huge, historic house.
i hate it. i hate knowing how great her life is going.
i hate knowing that my husband resents me a little more each day and that i no longer even feel in love with him. it doesn't matter. from the beginning i knew he only found interest in me because i reminded him of HER.
What I ask myself now is, why the fuck am i even here?
why did i let myself feel so shitty for so long about someone who has absolutely NO influence in my life?
Honestly, I hate my life at this point, because I've let it leave my control.
so where do i go?
much more now i find myself contemplating divorce, just so i know that i would no longer give a flying fuck about his ex. i would no longer have to compare myself to her.
my husband is the only tie to her that i have.
i'm ready to break it.
i hate this.
i hate him.
i hate her.
i hate myself.
so how does one go about loving themselves again, when it's been so long since they did?

I found a cd with pictures on it today. It was of a trip my husband took with his ex girlfriend.
Normally, I wouldn't be so offended by this, because it was in the past and a few years before we even started dating.
But it does annoy me, because every single place in those pictures were all the same places he took me.
It was like the same trip i went on, only she was in my place...or should I say I am now in her place?

Some of the stuff portrayed on Paranormal Activity is some of the same stuff my ex-wife and I witnessed shortly after we first got married.  I'm just wondering, assuming that all of that wasn't just a mutual-delusion, who was the entity tied to?

I am not as big a stoner as you think I am. I've only smoked three times, but boy have I got you fooled.

I'm in love with a woman who is at least twenty five years older than me. And, I'm pretty sure she knows.

I am so tired of living with other people's hand me downs.  I want to pick out the furniture I want.  I am  ashamed having anyone stop over.  My husband is so controling about this.  I hate cleaning because it will never look nice and it is old as hell.  I try not to go to my friends houses anymore.  They all have nice things that they are proud of.  I feel if I go to their place I would need to ask them here sometime.  I don't want anyone to see how we live.  My kids don't bring friends home either, they are to embarassed.  I keep the place neat and clean, but it looks so old and worn down.  I know I should be happy having a roof over our heads and food to eat, but this really brings me down.

Actually, I'm coming to the realization that I don't even like who you are as a person any longer.

Yesterday My EX boyfriend called me & i got  feeling that i still love him . but my boyfriend that i have right now is in love with me i really dont kno what to do anymore... i cheated on him the second day we started dating .. i kinda feel bad about what i did . But fuck it ...

This weekend my friend asked the girl he's been seeing for a while to be his official gf. She accepted. We went out for some drinks and to have fun. Later we went home and continued drinking over there. I took so many shots I don't really remember much but I do remember my friend going to the bathroom. While he was there...his gf kissed me. I was not expecting it at all... she caught me by surprise.. I did like it but I feel bad for my friend.. She was very gentle and passionate. I wonder why she did it... I am so confused... :S

gawd I hope okeefe gets a nice long prison sentence and ends up being someones bitch!

My daughter is winning the Girl Scout Cookie Sales Contest. Oh, you didn't know there was a contest?  Where you been?  This contest is the most important thing in my wife's life at the moment.  

In reality, the contest is in my wife's head.  It is imperative for our daughter to beat out all the other kids.  This will somehow serve to validate my wife's existence and prove to everyone that our family is better than their family.

Incidentally, my daughter has now sold about 550 boxes of cookies and counting.  Or more correctly, my daughter has sold zero boxes of cookies.  Every single one of those sales was my wife guilting the neighbors and friends and family.

Is this the lesson we should be teaching my daughter?  At least my daughter has learned to roll her eyes when my wife mentions another sale.  My daughter, she's smart, she gets that part right.

i want to disapear.die.never cry again.

no matter how angry i am how hurt or how much you drink. reality is your my mom and il love you. but you'll never understasnd the burnmarks on my heart

i'm depressed and it sucks!!!  i need to smoke a fat bl*nt!

My therapist looks exactly like his mom.
Grrrreat.

they say i neeed the pills. keep trying  me on different ones. lithium zanex bla bbla bla. im 20. antipshycotic meds...i dont know if im truely crazy or not. i dont know if i need these pills or not.or if it's the addiction to the pills that makes me crazy.

Anyone who tells you that pregnancy is beautiful is lying.  It sucks.

Everytime he sits down at his desk he makes these really hot noises like "uhhh" and "ooohhh" and sometimes an "oohh god".  Ya know, those relieving sounds people make when they sit down?  i can't help but think that is what he sounds like when he's about to cum.  i'd love to find out...

Growing up my mother worked most Saturdays so my Dad was the one that dragged us, and friends, around to all the games, practices and events when we were kids.
At the end of every day he would always point out to me which of my friends failed to say "thank you"  for the ride.  Every time he would point that out and would tell me to always, always thank the other parents that took me to practice and such. If I was gone and came back that would be the first thing he would ask me ….did I thank the parent for the ride.
By the time I was 12 or so I thought he was quite a jerk about it, but he never gave up on that. So much to the point that I would always tell my friends to thank him and they just knew to do that.
Funny how life rolls around.  Now that I am the father of 3 and I am dragging the kids around to all the various events I have to admit it really annoys me when I do not hear thank you from the 6-8-9 year olds that I give rides to.
I always point this out to my kids. I am sure I will be a jerk about it when they are older…..

i never lied to you... no that's a lie. i lied when i said i no longer has feeling's for you. however you make it difficult. i'd love to be with you but you alway's make it hard. i wanted to rebuild our friendship and work into a relationship.
but you can think whatever you want because i know you'll never have the balls to contact me. too bad though. have a nice life, i'm done..

JJ, my heart will always ache for you. Every day.

I have to tell him it's over.

I look so old and gray. What happened?

I can't assume that you're telling the truth after all the lies that you have told, but then again, I can't assume that you're lying. Don't you see what pain you cause to those around you?

i really do miss you, z.
i miss everything about you.
yes, memories are always good.
and i miss them all.
i cant listen to acoustic music with out thinking about you.

i know we're all in the past.
but the memories still put a smile on my face.

I wish that I could fast forward to this day next year.

My ego will stop me from contacting you. I miss you, but I won't contact you, because it'll only show you how weak I am.

You and I know I'm not supposed to miss you. It's not allowed.

You'll be there this weekend.  And so will she.  It's going to hurt me.  It's going to hurt a lot.  I feel like I'll be crying myself to sleep again.  I don't want to do that anymore, but I can't let you ruin this for me.  I deserve to have fun.  Please just refrain from kissing, or touching, or talking to her while I'm there.  Maybe just, don't talk to me either.  I don't know how well I can take that.  And don't hug me like you sometimes do when it's been a while since we've seen eachother.  I love you.

How can u be with someone that loves u to death and still feel lonely.  what is it that i am missing?  i have this void that just cannot be filled.  i have 2 beautiful kids that i adore and a husband that loves me to death.  yet i can't wait till i meet someone that makes me feel good and whole so that i can move on.  i f*cking have an affair with some guy and i cut him off because he wasn't making enough time with me and now i miss him like he was my man.  WTF is wrong with me?  why do i feel like this and why am i never statisfied?  i want to get away and be single, but then i remember how when i was single i was dying to have a family.  i don't know i think i need therapy or something.  i feel like i am crazy sometimes and i probably am.  i miss GI and we only f*cked once.  like i am so confused it's not even funny.  i need something or someone. i think...

you're gross.

i hope you know the only reason i said all those thing's about you was to ensure you stopped talking to me. not because i wanted you to, but because that was the only way you'd get over me. as long as we were still friend's you would keep holding on to the past.

i'm pathetic...

$ 112,700, in hundred dollar bills, is not as large a pile as you might think.

i have a much larger sex life than SHE will ever know.... and that doesn't bother me

i am officially ready for my life to be over. i just want an escape. get me the hell out of here.

The truth is I have a girlfriend that i've been with for a year and a month. I love her very very much. But sometimes i just wish she was my bestfriend. I want her to hold me and be there for me but sometimes the romance just isnt there. everytime we break up i feel guilty and get back together with her. or i get back together with her because i am so lonely. I met someone new. She keeps telling me that my gf is treating me wrong. That shes too much for me. I feel torn between these two. I love one for sure and i think i love the other one too. I basically have 5 months to figure this out. Some days i just feel like killing myself. i miss the uncomplicated days. I wish i would've just stayed at home more. Growing up is just too hard. Its so hard being a young lesbian. i feel like this is too much for me to handle. i feel like my life keeps making decisions for me and i feel like i have no control. i just want everything back.

I want a divorce

when the fuck are we going to S T O P hearing about Haiti?

i am not ready for a relationship with you. for 2 weeks i felt something so strong and now ur just overbearing. like fuckin relax already. i need space to breathe. this is the first day i havent spent with you and u said u missed me 5 times and felt lonely. im sorry i have a life and other priorities to tend to. i would like to see you but u dont even give me a chance to miss you. whats even worse is that u make me feel like shit for not seeing you. sorry i have work and schoolwork to complete now. i dont need to see another " :(" on fb or thru a text. honestly that just pisses me off. just be fuckin happy for a change and stop trying to bring me down with you. i try to cheer u up as best as i can but nothing works. its depressing me now and making me feel overwhelmed. u love pitying yourself and acting all innocent but i see right thru that. ur insecurities clearly surpass mine...along with ur need, or shall i say cravings, for reassurance. everything was and could be perfect if u just relax and slow the hell down. i need a man, not some needy boy.

wow i feel better

I have feelings for my best friend. I'm afraid to tell him.

I sense that he may have developed feelings for me, too, but he hasn't said anything. Drives me mad trying to figure him out. I wish he'd take a chance and tell me.

I'm tired of looking for clues. He'll miss his chance and not even realize it. Sssssucks. :(

I hate that I feel this pull that makes me worry over this dicks well being.

If I told someone about my "Gift" of empathy, and slight dream premonitions. Or how I meditate in the dark for hours. They would call me a nutter.

I really want to make sure this guy is okay, my gut says HEY YOU CALL AND SEE IF HE IS OKAY ENOUGH TO GET PISSED AT YOU!

I can't. Latly I have been drawn to the news paper. I never read the paper, the first thing I turn to is the Arrest, with out even trying it makes me ill.

If its a sign, I don't want to help this asshole.

I will suffer negitive karma for it though.

Damn it.

i love my bestfriends girl i fucken hate you man and i love her

i look for his car everywhere. i almost drove off the road today. this fear needs to stop.

Ok i like this girl and a friend found out about it come to find out she likes me and became best friends with the girl ive liked and acts like she did nothing wrong and to make it worse now the girl i like wont even look at me i feal like crap because i know i wont be with her and i love her even if she does cut herelf but i guess ill never know if she liked me as a friend or not because of this girl so now i have to put a fake mask on and act like nothing's wrong and ignore them

I talk to dumbasses for living. Yeah i have job but it makes me wanna shoot myself sometimes

Usually everytime we fight, we grow closer together, tonight we had a big argument over how were not together but yet it feels like we are. I love you so much, youll know who this is when u read this, i had just left work, u had just left your meeting. I cant live without you

Whenever my internet goes out, it occurs to me that it might be my ex-bf outside my house snipping the wires just before he breaks in to kill me.  I immediately jump up to see if the phone has a dial tone.  So far so good.  But I swear, if both the internet and the phone go down at the same time, I'm running out the back door and not stopping until I reach the police station.

I need a new vibrator. With lots of fun settings.

I just took the most epic shit of my life. I feel bad for the next person to use that bathroom.

The truth is...I don't want to fall out of love with him.

as much as i don't want to admit it, there's a hefty chance that i'll see you this weekend. and we'll drink. and sure enough, we'll fuck. and then i'll take the drive o' shame home the next morning, like so many times before, and hate myself. then, after avoiding me for three weeks, you'll find a way to weasel back into my life. and i'll blow you off a few times before finally giving in--like i do every single time. thus the cycle continues.

i wish we could have been something more than this.

There are so many idiotic people in this world.  Problem is, they are not clearly labeled.  To the contrary, they have titles on their business card saying "Teacher" or "Manager" or "Police Officer" or even "Doctor".  Don't be fooled.  People, no matter what job they have, can be stupid morons.

I really don't want you to go to Japan next semester... I don't want you to be gone for that long...
You'll be constantly be meeting new people and there's a chance for you falling for someone while I'm on the other side of the world. And... I don't trust myself... after betraying you when I hung around my ex while you were gone before.
I'm such an attention hogger... I wish I didn't feel this way because I want you to pursue your dream too...
*sigh* What a bother...

how the hell do people make enough money to eat and pay their rent?!
when i moved into this damn apartment, i thought you were going to support me. all you do is buy sports jerseys and hats. stop spending your money on this crap or i'm leaving simply because i can't afford to live here and hate myself anymore.

i overspend every month because i'm a terrible business owner. i just hired someone and i can't afford to pay her. i've been begging my family and boyfriend for money every month for a year, but make it seem like i'm so ridiculously successful. i'm over $20,000 in debt and no one knows.

looks like i'll be losing my car this summer. looks like i'll never get that house i always wanted.

every month, around this time (a week before the rent is due) i frantically try to swindle people into giving me money for services i know will not provide them with any benefits.

and then when that doesn't work, i beg my family for money. every month.

i often wonder why i feel like my business is not something i enjoy, and it's because i am a liar. it is a failure and i'm the only one who knows it.

I cry when I look at my son's baby pictures.

The grief is almost killing me. I need my wife to take the day off and just hold me........

On to the next one.

It would be nice to vanish into thin air.  I am tired of taking care of everyone.  I just want to be left alone and not held responsible for anyone else.  Tired of acting like a mom to everyone.  I am the youngest in my family but I am the only one who takes care of anything.  I am tired and just want to go sit on a beach some where and never come back.

Maybe than people will see all that I do.  You people are 30+ years old!  Learn to take care of yourself.

What's up with TV commercials these days. I don't watch TV much. You'd laugh. Once every few years I'll catch a movie for a few hours. That's the sum total of my TV viewing.  But a month or so ago I got roped into watching a show.  Don't remember what it was.  The thing that stuck with me was the ads. There were condom ads. A couple running into a store to by more ultra thin trojans. A product called extenze, a pill that makes the penis longer, over 1 billion sold! And the most amazing one to me, a gel women put on their vaginas to enhance sexual arousal. The ad had "testimonials" from female users who looked into the camera and explained point blank how it gave them bigger orgasms, even when they were home alone!

How can this be?  How can sex be so openly discussed on TV? Women saying they get a bigger climax during masturbation? What if children were watching? Do you think kids might be watching TV?  Doh!

What has become of us? They took away your cigarettes and trans-fat, so now people are obsessed with sex all the time?

People need to get a life.

I pee in the shower, doesnt everyone??

Ugly people should not breed with ugly people. Find someone attractive to breed with. Think of what the kids will go through. Try adoption if you don't have good genes.

If there was a way for me to leave.. and start anew.. I'd come home to you... we'd forget all about those what ifs, and shouldas and couldas... and we'd be together.. but we can't.. you're getting married in 2 weeks or so.. I'm married,  and I'm rather happy.. but you keep creeping into my thoughts.. and I know you think about me... We've loved each other for 16 years... This sux.

I got two rejection letters and a birthday card from my grandma guilt tripping me about not coming to see her often enough in the mail. I feel like shit.

you're a coward.

I hope I'm gone by Valentine's Day. Even if I spend it alone, at least it will be honest.